Give the Princess a New Name!

Hey everybody, as you may have noticed, I haven't been doing a lot of posting to this blog anymore. This is partially because I feel constantly stressed and busy, but I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I just don't think it's who I am anymore.

So I have a quest for everyone. I'm looking for good blog names that might describe my new chapter in life. I want a name that could be funny, but definitely needs to be quirky. I need a name that can be just as ironic as this one, but is maybe pointed in a different direction.

Basically, I've gotten tired of talking about the many ways you can get babes, because I just haven't been doing a lot of focusing on the topic recently. Also, because I think it may be time to finish making those jokes. I think everyone has just moved on a little bit. The majority of my friends are married now. I don't want to be the one left holding the ball, laughing about sex and the single guy. I'm willing to be the one holding the ball AS the single guy, but that's a different topic.

I guess I don't really know what I want to talk about. Odds are, most of it wouldn't really change. I'm sure there would be days in which I'll be really tired and depressed and write long-winded soliloquies about how I'll always be alone and how Octobers will always make me sad. And I'll probably also write at least some jokes about sex and my apparent missing out on all the stuff everyone else seems to be doing. Plus, I'm sure I'll want to spend some time on the craziness that is law school.

But, with all of that considered, what should my focus be? What is the one shining topic that all other topics can cling to?

This is my question for everyone.

close the door and pray to your father

Alright, I've been looking for this for a little while and have now found it. I'm now copying it here so that I don't forget it.

Matthew 6:1-8

"Be careful not to do your 'acts of righteousness' before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.

"So when you give to the needy, do not announce it with trumpets, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets, to be honored by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the
truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your
room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father,
who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not
keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their
many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

I totally appreciate this sentiment. There are few people I find more irritating than those who do everything in their power to one up another with "holy"ness. Being proud of being holy is a great way to make me want to punch a person in the face.

Cedar Rapids and (?) Lincoln Park

Hello, everyone. I haven't got much to say tonight. I'm just writing to give an adoring shout-out to my fans in Cedar Rapids, IA and Lincoln Park, MI.

For those of you who don't know, Cedar Rapids is the home of many noteworthy star actors, including Elijah Wood and Ron Livingston. Lincoln Park is the home of... the name of a band that was, at one time, cool? I'm not really sure.

Anyway, kudos to you, my star recent readers. Also, I will be quiting this post forever, starting now....


Nah!! Just kidding! I know all 3 of you would miss me forever if I left now, especially all you people who only randomly find my site after searching google for "Cliff Yanblonski" hating me. I love you, likely, horrible people as well.

Christian Privity, Sucka'

So I've been spending several hours trying to come up with a joke about horizontal and vertical privity that does not include a reference to the Aristocrats or outhouses, but it's pretty difficult.

Instead, let's follow-up my earlier rant about "Christian" Christians in connection with the idea.

Horizontal privity means the relationship between two people on essentially an equal footing. So if two NCAA basketball teams are playing against one another, they are agreeing that at the end of the game one of them will be the winner and the other the loser. That is a horizontal relationship.

Vertical privity would exist between each of the teams and the NCAA commission which administers the rules and is in charge of both teams.

So now consider that viral message I was talking about. The Christian (Gabe) was sending to the Friend (Steve) a message about how awesome Sweet Jesus Jones is. Gabe thinks he's figured out what Jesus Jones wants and thinks is awesome. He's pretty sure he's got his vertical privity relationship figured out.

At this point, Gabe tries to tell Steve about STEVE'S vertical relationship w/ Jesus Jones. However, Gabe does not have privity to that relationship. All that Gabe has in relation to Steve is horizontal privity with him. He cannot know exactly how Steve's vertical privity w/ Jesus Jones works, because he is a jive turkey and human (and also a honkey).

So Steve is being told the wrong thing. He is being told that if he rejects Gabe's horizontal privity, he will be rejecting his own, totally unrelated, vertical privity w/ Sweet Jesus Jones, which is just a bunch of sucker trash.

So my recommendation for all you folk out there is to tell the Gabes of the world to suck it. Then, you know he ain't gonna lay no more big rap up on you, man.

Sides, jive ass dude don't got no brains anyhow.

Jesus Jones v. Lucifer Williams. This Sunday, sunday, sunday!

Hey everybody! It's time for yet another edition of Dumb Quotes from the internet. I've considered labeling this "DQFTI," but worried that people would think it was some kind of ice cream reference.

Today we have the following Jesus fwd type quote. I really hate these, because I find very little more repulsive than forcing people to spam others by appealing to their religious nature. Also, they tend to be remarkably ill informed. Let's get to it.

The Greatest Man in History Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.
Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.
Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.
He had no army, yet kings feared Him.
He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.
He was buried in a tomb,yet He lives today.
I feel honored to serve such a Leader who loves us!
If you believe in God and in Jesus Christ His Son . Write this on 10 peoples walls or just ignore but remember that Jesus said ... "If you deny me before man, I will deny youbefore my Father in Heaven

First off, I'm not sure how much I'd agree w/ "greatest man in history," but I'm sure that's just a matter of opinion. As such, I'll leave it alone. The problem I have is that this title was capitalized. What, grammatically speaking, does this mean? Are Jesus's initials GMITJ? Is that his official title? Greatest Man in History Jesus? Sounds vaguely like a basketball player. Or a WWE wrestler.

Greatest Man in History Jesus Jones! Coming to you live, from Renne Arena!!!! Watch him take down the Great Impaler, Red, Red, Lucifer Williams!!!

Seriously, though, I personally think Jesus would be irritated in being called the greatest man in history (especially in being given such a title), because that was exactly the opposite of his point. He was a normal man with normal failings. He had a great burden to bear and carried a message of hope, but he remained an ordinary man.

"he had no servants" also has to be wrong. Hell, someone brought his group wine at the last supper. That person was.... A SERVANT. Beyond all that, "master" and "teacher" were pretty interchangeable at the time. I'd be hesitant about reading too much into it.

"He had no degree." I'm almost entirely certain this is wrong too. Now, I don't imagine that Jesus went to University, partially because none were exactly handy, but the fact of the matter is that he'd risen pretty high in the ranks of the Jewish priest-type hierarchy. I'd guess he was a fairly well versed individual for the time and could probably hold his own among modern day theologians. Further, as I understand it, people in his position at the time were often called teacher.

I'm granting the "he had no medicines, yet they called him Healer," because, as long as we're going with the same source (i.e. the bible), a pretty big tenant of his being the Messiah was his being able to bring people back from the dead (also, leprosy).

"He had no armies, yet kings feared him" shouldn't count, in my opinion. Herrod didn't like threats to his power. It isn't like Herrod feared Jesus specifically. He just didn't like the idea of a Messiah trying to change the current regime. Plus, Jesus was a baby. Anyone who is scared of a baby is dumb.

"He conquered the world." Eh. Last I checked, there were a remarkable number of people and religions that do not follow Christ. Like Islam. The Hindus. Taoists. Shintoists. Native American spirit people. Oh, and Jews. I'm pretty sure that accounts for at least 2 of the 5 billion people in the world and one HECK of the land mass. Also, I think I'd be way more willing to give Rome, Constantine, and Paul more credit than Jesus, in terms of simple number of converts.

"He committed no crime." Really? Rome found him guilty of a crime. So did the Jewish leaders of the area. I'm pretty sure that we, as Americans who believe in the rule of law, ought to consider that enough. Sure, sometimes its possible for people who are innocent of crimes to be found guilty and killed (like what happens in America), but we should try to be consistent on this front.

"yet he lives today." Uh. I guess this is accurate, as long as you are REALLY willing to stretch the meaning of the word "lives."

"Leader" should not be capitalized. I won't even make a joke out of it. It's just stupidity based upon the mistaken belief that over-capitalization makes you sound more holy.

The last line is REALLY poor grammar, so let's fix that, before proceeding.

If you believe in God and in Jesus Christ, His Son, write this on 10 people's walls or just ignore it, but remember that Jesus said, "If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven."

There, now we've fixed the grammar problems. Time to fix the idiot problems.

Who is really being denied in this post? Is a person denying Jesus if he elects not to spam at least ten people with incorrect and poorly understood drivel? I think not.

Here's what I think. I think a lot of people have a really high opinion of themselves and their own ability to understand God. Some might call it pride. I call it stupidity. So they write their uninformed messages like the one above and send them out to everyone they know, because they want to show everybody how remarkably holy they are compared to all of their heath friends (pride... pride... pride... pride). The friends, then, have to make a really difficult decision. Do I forward this idiocy to keep my soul clean, or do I reject God?

The thing is, the decision really isn't anywhere near that hard. The real decision is whether to reject a person's interpretation of God that was faulty from the moment this person decided that God wanted his message sent by viral email.

Statute of Hanna Barbara Limitations

Our very pretty professor seems to be sick; I've handed in a note so that I don't have to talk today; and contracts 2 was cancelled for no obvious reason.

This is a GREAT monday!

Today in Civ Pro we are discussing how rule 15c of the federal rules of civil procedure allows people to evade the statute of limitations and amend complaints to add new parties and new complaints as long as they relate back to the original complaint.

Consider this in Hanna Barbara terms.

Suppose the Flintstones were suing Yogi Bear in Birdman Court for pickinik basket stealing (theft). Then, we find out (thanks to the combined teamwork of scooby-doo and johnny bravo) that Kaboobie from Shazzan was the actual thief. Blossom of the PowerPuff girls nabs Kaboobie on trumped up charges, and, while Kaboobie is in jail, the Flintstones amend their mistaken complaint transfering the complaint against Yogi to a complaint against Kaboobie.

However, two weeks before amending their complaint, the statute of limitations had passed. Rule 15c would require that Kaboobie should have known that the Flintstones would have filed the complaint against him, but they happened to make a mistake.

At this point Secret Squirrel, Ubble Ubble, and Baba Looey all got together, did a bunch of meth and crack, and killed everyone involved. It turns out that the Jetsons were distant descendants of the Flintstones (which shouldn't surprise anyone), so they ceased to exist. Hadji from Johnny Quest became outraged at the horror that had been perpetuated, both to the timeline and to his good buddy Kaboobie, and so he began a quest of his own to track down and murder Secret Squirrel, Ubble Ubble, and Baba Looey.

It was at this time that Huckleberry Hound arrived on the scene, told everyone to calm down, brought the dead people back to life, and then convinced everyone to "go gay."

In the end everyone was happy, including Yogi, who actually HAD stolen the pickinik basket, and not including the Jetsons, who were still doomed to never being born thanks to Huckleberry Hounds efforts and the fact that George could never catch a break.

The end.

...

What was I talking about?

Law tests are not like life

It turns out, the kind of personality that excellently answers a law exam is not the kind of personality that I like. Allow me to set the scene. There we are, just about ready to go, when...

Carpool friend #1: Hey, random person (we'll call this random person Gretel), what did you think of Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe?

Gretel: Well... (insert 25 minute retrospective of the firm, kansas city firms, kansas city, going to school at an ivy league school, kc high schools, kc expectations that everyone knows what - specific to KC - juco and pembroke hill mean, the joys of living in denver, gretel's life from birth to that moment, and various classes held in common with Carpool Friend #1)

Carpool friend #1: Oh.

Gretel: Exactly... (insert another 12 minute diatribe on the difference between big firms, little firms, and firms of a size somewhere in between)

Carpool friend #1: Uh

Gretel: And then! (Insert a continuation of this diatribe, until...)

Carpool friend #2: I HAVE TO LEAVE NOW!!!

Yeah. So a rule, for all you HTGBWET fans: If a person asks you what you thought of something, you say, "It was pretty cool" or "It really sucked." If your response takes more than 18 words, you should probably go take a nap somewhere.

Physical Revocation

Wills may be revoked by physically destroying them using such methods as burning and tearing.

Other methods of Will revocation:

incinerating

vibrating to fragments

burying in the walls of Jericho

flushing

shaming it to an early death

laying a beat down on it in an exciting game of basketball or chess

leaving it in your jeans while you wash them

leaving it in your jeans while you take a crazy person shower

assumpsit

laying a really solid stink on it, so no one will want to approach

living in a lawless society

offending the will of Poseidon

and, finally, saying, "Talk to the hand."