So I could spend the next little while talking about my first day of classes or the wootoff that is going on right now, but instead I think I'm going to talk about something that boggles my mind.
I've noticed that some people are willing to stop dating someone for something as stupid as a lack of chemistry. They may get along fine. They may even really like each other. Heck, there may even be an acknowledged attractiveness. But if even for a moment it seems that not enough physical tension exists, then the whole thing is a no go.
I do not understand this concept, and I've been thinking about it pretty hard, trying to come up with how anyone could think that way, when I realized what my problem was.
I go on a date every 1/2 century. For me, any kind of relationship (including a single date) is a precious commodity that needs some serious stewing over before it can be halted (and probably multiple tries at keeping it going).
For other people I imagine this isn't the case. It seems quite likely that there are people out there who go on dates twice a week, or at least twice a month. The very idea of that blows my mind. Where can a person find so many people?
Anyway, for those of you who don't have problems finding someone for a nice friday night, I say bully to you. If it just isn't that big a deal to you, break up as many times as you like.
8 comments:
Many people agree with you about the idea that chemistry is not important, but I think it is. That's not all a relationship should be based on of course, you also need the friendship, laughter, trust, honesty, and all that stuff...but you also need to at least occasionally feel that slight tingly feeling in your tummy that says, wow, he/she is really great/hot/ etc. Because while the other stuff helps you get through the years, it's the small bursts of chemistry that will get you through an everyday day. My best relationships were the ones where there was major chemistry - my worst, the ones I was most unhappy in, but unwilling to break it off because of lack of chemistry (I thought that was stupid, you didn't need it, etc.) were the ones where I stayed the longest with someone I ended up not believing I could really actually date. But everyone is different.
See, this is what I'm saying. My relationships are so few and far between that once I I can't even conceive worrying about the chemistry thing.
Maybe it's because I don't start out any kind of date unless I think there's going to be some kind of chemistry to begin with. Who can say?
Maybe the phermones wafted away. No offense, Kristi, just a joke that's funny to me.
Well, yeah, and that brings up the point too, most people rarely date another person unless something sparks their interest. I mean, you don't go out with someone that just repels you - but why you first have that attraction doesn't necessarily translate into a chemistry that lasts..or turns into a chemistry and a solid relationship. I think the cold medicine is making me loopy, did that make sense?
I can't respond to most of this, because I'm married and boring, but I will say this....
I've never found anything worth a crap from a Wootoff.
Just sayin'.
I don't think chemistry and physical tension are the same thing. Especially in long term relationships, the physical will go up and down many times, but hopefully the chemistry is always there.
Whether dates/relationships are rare or frequent, I like the idea of valuing them as a precious commodity. I rarely go on dates. Very rarely. I used to always be with someone, but that was often because I put all my effort into keeping relationships going that shouldn't have kept going. I thought that if a guy was remotely interested in me, I had to date him and force it to work. Now if my gut tells me it's not right (no chemistry...), I trust that and try to be patient and believe that I will meet the right person in time.
And I don't think just someone makes a Friday night nice. Unless it's the right person, I would choose my tivo.
No, chemistry and physical tension are definitely not the same thing. I would say that chemistry has something to do with sexual tension, yes, but more to do with level of attraction - both sexual and personalitywise. And I totally understand forcing yourself into making a relationship going despite your gut feeling of not right! It's one of the reasons I ended up divorced instead of just having a cancelled engagement.
As one of the individual indicted in this post, I feel I need to respond, although I think the responses so far have been rather appropriate and accurate.
"But if even for a moment it seems that not enough physical tension exists, then the whole thing is a no go." First, I agree with the other commentators - physical tension and chemistry are not the same thing. In my opinion, chemistry is how you interact with each other; it's the flow of things between two people. Physical tension is your level of physical intimacy and desire to be with one another physically. Physical tension is sexual in nature but chemistry is not always, or rather is not necessarily, related to physical tension. In a relationship, your physical tension comes and goes. If you're hanging out on the couch watching a movie with someone of the opposite sex that you're dating, you may not feel any physical tension. But that doesn't necessarily correlate to the level of chemistry you share.
Next, the lack of chemistry is not an issue of "even for a moment" - it's usually for some time. You won't always feel a connection to someone, but you will have a flow, an interplay, and that's important. And I don't know if it comes and goes when you're in a long-term relationship, but I know that when it's not there at all in a short-term relationship, you probably don't want to try to force that relationship into a long-term one. Having experienced chemistry and having lived without it, I know how lackluster a relationship is without it. When I talk about a lack of chemistry, it's an issue of going through a couple of dates and being just kind of apathetic about the guy or the situation. That's not good. It's not good for him or for me. I should want to spend time with the guy I'm dating. If I don't, why am I dating him?
And this isn't something I take lightly. I don't date even twice a month usually. But, I'm willing to wait for the right person - I'm willing to risk loneliness over settling for less than what I know is right.
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