The dreams of man

So I have a bit of a confession to make. I don't know if you guys knew this, but I'm a little bit introverted. I know, you raise your eyebrows in shock, but it's true. My natural state is sitting in a quiet room w/ a max of 3 other people, chatting.


I just wanted to start by saying that. Now on to my post.

I would guess most men have fantasies. They dream of being the heroic quarterback or running back. They imagine themselves taking the winning three pointer which seals the victory over Duke in the national championship game. They see themselves winning a million dollars and spending the rest of their lives roping cattle or sailing the Caribbean.

I have a fantasy like that. In my head I like to think of myself as a cowboy or a gunslinger of the modern age. I don't lead cows across the plains or ride a horse, though. I'm a different kind of cowboy. I work a well-paying job, maybe at a law firm, where I am the king of my domain. I take opposing law firms to school. I win most of my cases. I am self-sufficient and well respected.

But it doesn't end there. That's not even the important part of this dream. The important part is what happens afterwards.

In this fantasy life, I finish my day of work, earn my ridiculous pay check, and then head straight to MY bar. The local watering hole. That place you've read about in cheap novels. No one knows me there, save, perhaps, a waitress and a bartender or two, and I'm happy with that.

(Also, the bar is smoke free.)

So I sit at the bar in this dive and take in my surroudings. I don't have any real friends at this bar, but that's ok, because I don't need any real friends at this bar. That isn't what this thing is about.

I sit; I listen to and enjoy my surroundings; and I am totally content to be just me. I don't need to strike up a conversation. I don't need to look to those around me for solace. I am who I am. Bugger the rest of the world. If it needs me, it can damn well come to me.

And that's it. That's my dream. I sit, silent and alone, like a prominent point of rock, holding fast as the sea attacks.

There are probably better dreams out there. Who doesn't want to score the winning touchdown? What person would turn down saving the world from cancer?

There are a lot of things in life that I would like to do. Someday I'd like children. Getting married one day would not be out of the question. At some point, I'd like to have a lazy dog who spends most of his time giving me looks from the couch.


But those are all real life goals. None of those are the vision that I have, meekly begging to be let out of the back of my head. I want to be a cowboy. I want to be a gunslinger. I want to be a rock at the bar, content in myself and my surroundings.

At KU, we're close

I predict that Joel will find this pic nearly as hilarious as a certain previous one.

Don't Try

In order for an individual to get a babe, it must appear that the individual truly is not trying. To that effect, what follows is a lost of a few positive measures by which you can tell just how hard you are not trying.

HTGBWET: #3 (that's right, today is a biggie): Don't try.

Here are some ways how....

The get-in/get-out strategy - in which you move w/in the social barrier, then quickly get out

Always be the first one to end the conversation

Avoid regular conversation

Don't use the phone

Try not to look at pictures

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO "MEET UP"

The over-all point of this rule is, essentially, to do everything in your power to keep yourself from getting overly attached. Once a man or woman is attached to the, as of yet, unconquested, he or she can kiss that conquest goodbye. Don't believe how I met your mother. If you are interested, make sure they are too. Don't be a clod. Don't try...

And that's the word. (Thank you, Steven Colbert.)

Picking at Old Wounds

Sometimes, when I'm really trying to prove to the world how stupid I am, I go and open up old sores. At times, this works. Today... well, why else would I be writing here?

The problem, you see, the reason the wound never seems to heal, is that it is SO EASY. I have never met a person I could talk to so effortlessly. Never. And I've met a lot of people and made a hell of a lot of friends.

Oh, man. Alright, here's the plan. Don't let it fester. Step away. Cool down. Wait a couple months. Then everything will be back to normal.

cain't dance the dance

Hey, you know what I'm bad at? I'm bad at dancing the dance. Somehow, other people are either really good at this or at least mediocre. I'm just plain, outright bad. And, to top it off, I'm completely lacking in aggression, so anything I might have made up for by striking out enough to get it going by simple luck isn't going to happen either.

That sucks. That especially sucks because people seem to like me so much that they actually talk about what a great guy I am when I'm not around (or so the grapevine tells me).

That's my After 2AM thought of the night. I'm sure I'll think better of all this in the morning.

Why Judge Bullock is awesome!

The following statements are a few words of wisdom from the great, the singular, the only, Judge Terry Bullock. Learn them, memorize them, use them at times when you seriously need an old-timey phrase.

watering holes: you've read about them in cheap novels

people in hell want ice water

you can't have molasses if you ain't had no-lasses a' t'all!

Whenever in doubt, be a republican and wear suspenders AND a belt.

The pellet with the poison's in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true! Right?

It's always difficult to remember what you've forgotten.

Big Business Fights Back!

And now I'd like to offer my nomination for most vindictive business move in the wake of the democrat congressional power grab.

First place goes to....

THE OIL BIZ! Which today raised prices across the board by about 10 cents! Thank you, big oil, for showing your support!

scheduling conflicts

I'm not sure how this happens, but it seems that whenever I'm in charge of organizing something, other things seem to present themselves as conflicts. What kind of crazy world are we living in? Why is it that this kind of thing never happens to everyone else? I'm starting feel the rage!

Turning green....!!!!


RARARARAR.

Low Self-Esteem days

Do you ever low self-esteem days? I'm not talking about "Oh, why can't I find a girlfriend?" or any crap like that. I mean days where you keep feeling left behind. You walk out of class, and everyone has already left for lunch. People tell you they are busy and can't talk right now. You get funny looks. You even feel like everyone is a little more prepared that you are.

Those are some crappy days.

Safety Friend

I went to this birthday party at Quinton's in Lawrence yesterday and felt awkward just about the whole time.

A problem with trying to be friends with everyone is the situation in which you are at a social gathering where you aren't friends with anyone. Oh, you may know everyone, but you don't hang out with them on a regular basis.

I like to think of it in terms of the "safety friend." It's much easier to be all sociable with everyone else, if you've got the safety friend to touch base with occasionally.

On the other hand, I may have just been ridiculously tired last night, which is very likely. When I'm tired, I tend toward painfully introverted.

Either way, everyone there was very nice. Hopefully, my being there last night will pave the way for future connections.

Tea and Colds

Oh my goodness me.
You know what I love?
I love me some tea.

With honey. Also, I hate colds. They really throw me off my pickin up babes A game.

HTGBWET #29: Always wash your hands. The cleaner you keep, the more you may avoid colds and other ailments. This doesn't exactly GET you babes, but it certainly helps you avoid not getting babes, which is the same thing in business and taxes.

Maalox

As should already be incredibly obvious, I am suffering from some mild guilt about my lack of updates. To that effect, I'm going to try something new. I'm not sure how well it'll work, but it's worth a go.

SHORT UPDATES!

From now on, all my updates are not aloud to be bigger than the blogger box.

So... I have a cold. I didn't sleep much last night. And I love... No. I LOVE Maalox.

Yeah, baby, Maalox.