Tuesday, May 16, 2006

For the ladies (aka womyn) out there

Today allow me to parrot a quote I found on (where else?) MySpace.

Wait for the boy who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of boy who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the boy who will be your best friend; the boy who makes you smile like no other and when he smiles you know he needs you. Most of all wait for the boy who will put you at the center of his universe, because obviously he's at the center of yours.


So there it is. I'm not sure which part I find the stupidest. I'm giving to prize to either "and when he smiles you know he needs you" or "the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical."

The first one is pretty stupid, because it can be taken in a hundred billion negative ways (e.g. "when he smiles you know he needs you, because he obviously is a boxer, hockey player, or POOR toothbrusher" and "when he smiles you know he needs you, because he reminds you so much of Rain Man, and don't forget to wipe the drool away, hun!"). Seriously, "you know that he needs you"? It's so melodramatically meaningless that it makes me want to heave.

The second one brings to mind Alec Baldwin's amazing performance on Friends. Allow me to demonstrate.

Parker (alec baldwin): I don't want to forget this moment! It's like I want to take a mental picture of you! Click!
Chandler: I don't think the flash went off.

People who make every moment magical should be shot.

Parker: Is there something wrong?
Phoebe: Wrong? Really? You know the word, "wrong?" Everything isn't perfect? Everything isn't magical? Everything isn't "aglow with the light of a million fairies?" They were just brake lights, parker.
Parker: Well excuse me for putting a good spin on a traffic jam!

Ladies, today I'm going to present you with a special female edition of HTGBWET. Rule #1: If you met him at a bar, he's dressed preppy, wears a baseball cap backwards, likes abercrombie, and doesn't laugh EVER, he's a dill-hole. You don't love him; you love the picture of normalcy that society pushes on you. If you're looking for a great guy, look for one who laughs a lot, but isn't always smiling. Look for a guy who talks to you, before he makes assumptions about what you find romantic. And look for a guy who isn't acting chivalrous (society's fake), but who is definitely acting like he might love you.

Even then, there are no guarantees, but as a friend recently said, you're knight in shining armor could end up being "a loser in aluminum foil."

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm with Felix. I just don't see a relationship as being this magical, lovey dovey thing all the time. I don't want a guy who's going to treat me like this fragile princess all the time and smother me with flowers and chocolate. That would get old. Besides, that's just benevolent sexism. I want someone who's real and does stupid shit. Not all the time, of course because that would be the asshole. I just want someone in between who's normal.

KU Mommy said...

I had a dream last night that you were holding hands with one of my friends. It made me very happy.

Nathan said...

Who, me or Kay? I think Kay is either taken or WAY past the holding hand stage.

Anonymous said...

Oh, come on, I'm always for holding hands. I just don't think people should be sitting on each other's laps making out in public. The occassional butt slapping is all well and good if it's done in the right context..

KU Mommy said...

You, Nate. Not Kay. I think PDA's are exciting.

Nathan said...

I approve of making out in public parks under big oak trees.

Also, you should tell me who was in your dream, besides me. Specifically, who I was holding hands with in your dream. Because, you see, I'm actually a 12 year old girl in disguise who enjoys hearing these things.

Strangely, though the previous paragraph was laced with irony, it did not contain any sarcasm. I really am curious.