Oh yeah. I also got a phone call from the lovely folks in Lawrence letting me know that I got accepted into the KU law program today.
That's right. A personal telephone call! From a real person!
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
A Generically Funny Phrase
You know what's a generically funny phrase?
"Huge and gaping."
Seriously, that is funny in almost every context. Especially when talking about tearing someone a new a-hole, but also probably in other areas.
I would not recommend using it while in the process of getting babes without even trying, though, as you would probably have to start trying.
"Huge and gaping."
Seriously, that is funny in almost every context. Especially when talking about tearing someone a new a-hole, but also probably in other areas.
I would not recommend using it while in the process of getting babes without even trying, though, as you would probably have to start trying.
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Possible Jobs
Since mentioning that I would take a job in KC for no less than $15/hr about 5 minutes ago, I have been innundated with emails asking me what kind of job I would accept that was "at least partially related" to my field of study.
Who sent these emails, you ask? Well, let me look up the names.
William Gibson
Sandy Cofax
Abe Lincoln
Julia Childs
and, I guess, GirlsGoneWild Gallery HOTHOTHOT!, though I don't know how they got my email address.
As such, I feel it is necessary to write my preferred job listings:
Research Assistant
Human Resource Assistant
Human Clown Assistant
Kemper Arena Voice Announcer for the 2006 AFL season
Looky-Lou
Vagina Monologuist
Santa's Little Helper
Racing Dog Trainer
Human Gazebo
and, of course, legal assistant
I also think it would be cool to get into voice acting, but I'm not sure how one does that or if it can be done in kansas city.
Who sent these emails, you ask? Well, let me look up the names.
William Gibson
Sandy Cofax
Abe Lincoln
Julia Childs
and, I guess, GirlsGoneWild Gallery HOTHOTHOT!, though I don't know how they got my email address.
As such, I feel it is necessary to write my preferred job listings:
Research Assistant
Human Resource Assistant
Human Clown Assistant
Kemper Arena Voice Announcer for the 2006 AFL season
Looky-Lou
Vagina Monologuist
Santa's Little Helper
Racing Dog Trainer
Human Gazebo
and, of course, legal assistant
I also think it would be cool to get into voice acting, but I'm not sure how one does that or if it can be done in kansas city.
Odds and Ends
So I'm headed back to work tomorrow, so I feel the need to write something here tonight for fear that I'll be too tired later.
Um. But what should I write about?
I could talk about the sadness I feel deep within me concerning the recent extensive loss to Texas, but I probably won't. Texas played better than they've played against just about anyone last night. I'm figuring it was just a blip. Now if K-state and CU figure out how never to miss a shot as well, I'll start to be worried.
Seriously. Alridge (or whatever his name is) needs to declare for the NBA draft yesterday.
Audrie, I totally feel for you in Cali now. It's a very strange experience to be so far out of the loop. But I suppose we do what we must.
Tomorrow, on my lunch break, I think I'm gonna arrange an interview with a staffing service in KC on friday. If they can get me a job at $15/hr up there in a field vaguely related to mine, I'll almost certainly take it. Anything less and I'll probably stay down in Ta Town.
Um. I'm really very pumped about publishing the next two chapters of my story on Wednesday. We finally run into Newton. Newton is almost a mini-story itself and my homage to Stephen King novels. It might be my favorite part thus far.
I guess that does it. I just don't have much to say in this post. Too many little things. No big things. Maybe I'll have something big by next sunday. Maybe not. I guess we'll see.
Um. But what should I write about?
I could talk about the sadness I feel deep within me concerning the recent extensive loss to Texas, but I probably won't. Texas played better than they've played against just about anyone last night. I'm figuring it was just a blip. Now if K-state and CU figure out how never to miss a shot as well, I'll start to be worried.
Seriously. Alridge (or whatever his name is) needs to declare for the NBA draft yesterday.
Audrie, I totally feel for you in Cali now. It's a very strange experience to be so far out of the loop. But I suppose we do what we must.
Tomorrow, on my lunch break, I think I'm gonna arrange an interview with a staffing service in KC on friday. If they can get me a job at $15/hr up there in a field vaguely related to mine, I'll almost certainly take it. Anything less and I'll probably stay down in Ta Town.
Um. I'm really very pumped about publishing the next two chapters of my story on Wednesday. We finally run into Newton. Newton is almost a mini-story itself and my homage to Stephen King novels. It might be my favorite part thus far.
I guess that does it. I just don't have much to say in this post. Too many little things. No big things. Maybe I'll have something big by next sunday. Maybe not. I guess we'll see.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Nathan's 6 Month Dystopia
So I was talking to Kristi yesterday, and then I had an unrelated chat with my mom tonight about the unacknowledged "other" smart group in our class at andale. You know the one? Dustin, Luke, John May, Amanda, and those other folks?
Anyway, all of this made me a little reflective. It's a good thing too. Otherwise that car would never have seen me.
...
Yeah, not my best joke.
Anyway, I started to think about where we all are right now, and I had a horrible moment of realization. We've all moved on. Sure. We've maintained contact. At holidays we get together. We leave messages on each others blogs. But each and every one of us has created these core groups of other individuals. We all have new, different support groups that don't relate to one another.
As a perfect example, aside from Dean and Julie's hubby, I've never met any of the significant others among the female members of the group. How bizarre is that?
I think what really drives this point home for me is the fact that I don't really have one of those social groups right now. I have internet friends. I have friends back in montana. I have old high school friends who I see about as often as I used to when I went to montana. I have old KU friends, who I almost never see.
And that's about it. You have no idea how strange this is for me. I'm the on who is supposed to be the social animal with 350 friends, all of whom I can hang out with on a whim. Now I'm an outsider. I could probably try to join up with K-dog's friends (that's you, Kristi) or KT's friends (that's you, Katie), but there would always be that weird knowledge, that thought about me in the back of peoples minds, "Oh, there's such-and-such's friend."
Of course, in 6 months, all of this will be a moot point. I'll be at whatever school I'm going to next and will quickly develop a close-knit cadre of buddies. But for 6 months I'm gonna just be this guy on the outside, who no one wants to get really buddy-buddy with, because he'll be gone in such a short time.
I tell you. It's a strange thought. Maybe my little rant last week about how I hate my co-workers was more important than I thought. People should normally be able to make one or two friends at work. I've made none. I'm not in any organizations. I have no other resources.
How odd.
Anyway, all of this made me a little reflective. It's a good thing too. Otherwise that car would never have seen me.
...
Yeah, not my best joke.
Anyway, I started to think about where we all are right now, and I had a horrible moment of realization. We've all moved on. Sure. We've maintained contact. At holidays we get together. We leave messages on each others blogs. But each and every one of us has created these core groups of other individuals. We all have new, different support groups that don't relate to one another.
As a perfect example, aside from Dean and Julie's hubby, I've never met any of the significant others among the female members of the group. How bizarre is that?
I think what really drives this point home for me is the fact that I don't really have one of those social groups right now. I have internet friends. I have friends back in montana. I have old high school friends who I see about as often as I used to when I went to montana. I have old KU friends, who I almost never see.
And that's about it. You have no idea how strange this is for me. I'm the on who is supposed to be the social animal with 350 friends, all of whom I can hang out with on a whim. Now I'm an outsider. I could probably try to join up with K-dog's friends (that's you, Kristi) or KT's friends (that's you, Katie), but there would always be that weird knowledge, that thought about me in the back of peoples minds, "Oh, there's such-and-such's friend."
Of course, in 6 months, all of this will be a moot point. I'll be at whatever school I'm going to next and will quickly develop a close-knit cadre of buddies. But for 6 months I'm gonna just be this guy on the outside, who no one wants to get really buddy-buddy with, because he'll be gone in such a short time.
I tell you. It's a strange thought. Maybe my little rant last week about how I hate my co-workers was more important than I thought. People should normally be able to make one or two friends at work. I've made none. I'm not in any organizations. I have no other resources.
How odd.
Friday, February 24, 2006
Baby, I'm amazed
Oh my gosh, you guys, you have to see this. It's a video, so try only to watch it if you have a good internet connection. It's a news story about a kid from rochester, NY who did something extraordinary.
Check it out.
Seriously. I almost cried a little bit. It's amazing.
Check it out.
Seriously. I almost cried a little bit. It's amazing.
Rule #23 and why I'm feelin fine
So it is 4:30 in the afternoon and I am feeling GREAT! Tony the Tiger great. I got paid today. I took care of a bunch of errands. Later I think I'm gonna get a hair cut. I got my check card from my new bank account.
It's seriously a wonderful world.
As such, I feel it is time for another edition of HTGBWET.
Today I would like to talk to you about pop or soda or whatever you want to call it. I feel this new splenda trend may be the single greatest thing ever to happen to carbonated beverages. Last night I purchased some new pepsi ONE variants that are out of this world.
So, you might be asking, what does this have to do with the rule of the day?
Two words:
Grape Soda.
That's right, nothing in the world says pimpdaddy more than hanging out on your front porch in your faux fur overcoat, wielding your frozen cane, and drinkin' some delicious grape soda.
A beautiful woman walks by on the street? No problem. Simply say, "Hey, baby! You wanna sip of my delicious grape soda?"
INSTANT ACTION!
No woman can resist a pimpdaddy drinkin' grape soda on the front porch. We're talking instant animal magnetism.
But, you see, it doesn't end there. Suppose you are a pimpdaddy in the style of Dolemite, concerned that you don't want to gain a lot of weight while staring down some jive turkey. No problem. Because, you see, one of those pepsi one variants at walmart is GRAPE ONE!! That's right! Diet grape soda that tastes more like regular grape soda, thanks to the wonder of splenda. What fine days are these!
Now, with that said, please allow me to leave you with these memorable words:
I'm gonna let 'em know that Dolemite is back on the scene! I'm gonna let 'em know that Dolemite is my name, and f**kin' up motha f**kas is my game!
It's seriously a wonderful world.
As such, I feel it is time for another edition of HTGBWET.
Today I would like to talk to you about pop or soda or whatever you want to call it. I feel this new splenda trend may be the single greatest thing ever to happen to carbonated beverages. Last night I purchased some new pepsi ONE variants that are out of this world.
So, you might be asking, what does this have to do with the rule of the day?
Two words:
Grape Soda.
That's right, nothing in the world says pimpdaddy more than hanging out on your front porch in your faux fur overcoat, wielding your frozen cane, and drinkin' some delicious grape soda.
A beautiful woman walks by on the street? No problem. Simply say, "Hey, baby! You wanna sip of my delicious grape soda?"
INSTANT ACTION!
No woman can resist a pimpdaddy drinkin' grape soda on the front porch. We're talking instant animal magnetism.
But, you see, it doesn't end there. Suppose you are a pimpdaddy in the style of Dolemite, concerned that you don't want to gain a lot of weight while staring down some jive turkey. No problem. Because, you see, one of those pepsi one variants at walmart is GRAPE ONE!! That's right! Diet grape soda that tastes more like regular grape soda, thanks to the wonder of splenda. What fine days are these!
Now, with that said, please allow me to leave you with these memorable words:
I'm gonna let 'em know that Dolemite is back on the scene! I'm gonna let 'em know that Dolemite is my name, and f**kin' up motha f**kas is my game!
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Two more chapters!
As promised, I now have the next two chapters posted. This week we meet the Prairiea and finally strike the Trail.
Chapter 8 - The Prairiea
Chapter 9 - The Trail
The whole thing
Chapter 8 - The Prairiea
Chapter 9 - The Trail
The whole thing
Why I don't like listening to Jim Rome on the radio
I shall now do an internet impersonation of Why Jim Rome Sucks.
We will start with a quote from Barry Bonds that Jim rome reads on the air.
"'I will tackle that bridge when I get to it.' <25> You're going to tackle that bridge? <45> So let me get this straight. YOu are going to tackle that bridge. Barry Bonds is gonna Tackle that Bridge when he gets to it."
Commercial
After the commercial Rome reads a quick email from a fan. "Dear Romey, that was an epic rant you did on Barry Bonds."
He reads another one after a 25 second pause.
"Hey Jim, Don't count your chicks before they're all in one basket, signed, Barry Bonds." This, if you don't understand, is someone who ALSO knows how to mix metaphors in a humorous manner, and who makes the "signed, famous stupid person" joke for the 8 billionth time, because that joke never gets old.
<3>
"Now let's talk about Nascar."
Jim Rome is only hilarious if A) you love minor errors on the part of atheletes, B) you don't know what people are talking about when they mention "comedic timing," and C) you enjoy exactly the same joke repeated over and over, day after day, and again and again in 2 minute spans.
On the other hand, I am curious to hear Bill Self on a radio show, so I might listen tomorrow.
We will start with a quote from Barry Bonds that Jim rome reads on the air.
"'I will tackle that bridge when I get to it.' <25> You're going to tackle that bridge? <45> So let me get this straight. YOu are going to tackle that bridge.
Commercial
After the commercial Rome reads a quick email from a fan. "Dear Romey, that was an epic rant you did on Barry Bonds."
He reads another one after a 25 second pause.
"Hey Jim, Don't count your chicks before they're all in one basket, signed, Barry Bonds." This, if you don't understand, is someone who ALSO knows how to mix metaphors in a humorous manner, and who makes the "signed, famous stupid person" joke for the 8 billionth time, because that joke never gets old
<3>
"Now let's talk about Nascar."
Jim Rome is only hilarious if A) you love minor errors on the part of atheletes, B) you don't know what people are talking about when they mention "comedic timing," and C) you enjoy exactly the same joke repeated over and over, day after day, and again and again in 2 minute spans.
On the other hand, I am curious to hear Bill Self on a radio show, so I might listen tomorrow.
Story Delay
Hey folks, I know I was supposed to post 2 more chapters, but, as I you can see, I have not yet. This will be rectified by Thursday evening. I was busy today. The pages are already written, if that makes you feel better, but I haven't had the time to edit.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
KC?
So, in the interest of getting a job that might actually look good on future applications, I am continuing my application frenzy. Also, it would be nice to be paid at a level slight above poverty.
My most recent application sending spree has been for the KC area. It isn't that I particularly want to move up there. It's that there just seem to be more opportunities for a person with my particular skill set.
Now we'll just have to see if that's true.
My most recent application sending spree has been for the KC area. It isn't that I particularly want to move up there. It's that there just seem to be more opportunities for a person with my particular skill set.
Now we'll just have to see if that's true.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Kay rocks! And thoughts of the future
First off, I would like to say that Kay is totally awesome. "Why?" you ask. "Is it because she has rock hard abs, or because you both share a major?"
And the answer, of course, is yes, but that isn't the reason I say so this time.
Today I feel that Kay rocks because she is the only person to leave any comments about my story so far. This could mean that she's the only one reading it, which would make me sad. Especially considering the fact that we have a number of prolific readers on this board.
So meh to all you non-readers. Though, if you thought about reading my story earlier, but haven't gotten around to it, I would suggest starting with the most recent two chapters. You won't know why things are happening, but you may enjoy the action and suspense.
Also, Kay, feel free to take a bow in the comments section. If you are sufficiently mean-spirited and haughty, I might post your words on the main board, making you instantly famous for at least 4 people.
Also, everyone should check out the Flogging Molly's 2000 Album Swagger. It's good stuff. I recommend it. It's irish rock, so it may take a song or two to get used to, but it gets good once you do. I especially recommend the worst day since yesterday and far away boys.
Um. Anything else worth mentioning?
Here's a thought I had today. I sometimes wonder who I'm going to end up marrying. Is it someone I already know? Is it someone I've not yet met? Could it be a passing aquaintance? The weird thing is, I rarely worry that I will never marry.
I say that is weird, because factors don't seem to have fallen in my favor over recent years. I've only had one girlfriend ever and have never done a single face to face romantic thing. I don't know how to pick up on women at social events. I don't know how to pick up on women at work. I don't know what the difference IS between a conversation in which a guy and a girl are clicking like future lovers and a conversation where a guy and a girl are clicking like future good friends. And I don't have any kind of courage.
Nevertheless, I remain certain that I will one day marry. Sure, I spend an awful lot of days worrying about that middle stuff, but no days worrying about the ultimate conclusion.
Maybe I should consider starting to worry at some point.
Maybe not. I just don't know.
Edit: One other thing. Here is an article I really like. I think it fairly accurately describes the background of the more heated political arguments to be found on Kristi's blog. It is an article that suggests that part of the reason we disagree in modern America is because different groups start off, not just with different beliefs, but with different facts.
Interesting stuff. Makes a lot of sense. And believe me, I NEVER say that.
And the answer, of course, is yes, but that isn't the reason I say so this time.
Today I feel that Kay rocks because she is the only person to leave any comments about my story so far. This could mean that she's the only one reading it, which would make me sad. Especially considering the fact that we have a number of prolific readers on this board.
So meh to all you non-readers. Though, if you thought about reading my story earlier, but haven't gotten around to it, I would suggest starting with the most recent two chapters. You won't know why things are happening, but you may enjoy the action and suspense.
Also, Kay, feel free to take a bow in the comments section. If you are sufficiently mean-spirited and haughty, I might post your words on the main board, making you instantly famous for at least 4 people.
Also, everyone should check out the Flogging Molly's 2000 Album Swagger. It's good stuff. I recommend it. It's irish rock, so it may take a song or two to get used to, but it gets good once you do. I especially recommend the worst day since yesterday and far away boys.
Um. Anything else worth mentioning?
Here's a thought I had today. I sometimes wonder who I'm going to end up marrying. Is it someone I already know? Is it someone I've not yet met? Could it be a passing aquaintance? The weird thing is, I rarely worry that I will never marry.
I say that is weird, because factors don't seem to have fallen in my favor over recent years. I've only had one girlfriend ever and have never done a single face to face romantic thing. I don't know how to pick up on women at social events. I don't know how to pick up on women at work. I don't know what the difference IS between a conversation in which a guy and a girl are clicking like future lovers and a conversation where a guy and a girl are clicking like future good friends. And I don't have any kind of courage.
Nevertheless, I remain certain that I will one day marry. Sure, I spend an awful lot of days worrying about that middle stuff, but no days worrying about the ultimate conclusion.
Maybe I should consider starting to worry at some point.
Maybe not. I just don't know.
Edit: One other thing. Here is an article I really like. I think it fairly accurately describes the background of the more heated political arguments to be found on Kristi's blog. It is an article that suggests that part of the reason we disagree in modern America is because different groups start off, not just with different beliefs, but with different facts.
Interesting stuff. Makes a lot of sense. And believe me, I NEVER say that.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Money and Dewey
Wow, I'm actually writing a bit today. First, everyone, go down to the post right below this to find out why I think you are all so awesome. Second, thanks to all of your generous clicks last week, I earned another $.51, making my grand total about 80 cents. Only 62 and 1/2 more weeks, and I'll be able to pay for that party for all of you! Please, feel free to click ad nauseam.
As to the reason for this unorthodox second post... It's WEDNESDAY! That means it's time for me to release two more chapters of my on going story. As a little recap, Dewey and the cousins have just met their creepy guide Thad and his crow Heppy. Be prepared for a little excitement in these next two chapters, as the gang goes from fear of death to fear of death. And be aware that you are about to meet my favorite character (save Dewey himself, of course). Now, without further ado...
Chapter 6 - Troubled Horizon
Chapter 7 - A Kansas Farmer
Whole Story
As to the reason for this unorthodox second post... It's WEDNESDAY! That means it's time for me to release two more chapters of my on going story. As a little recap, Dewey and the cousins have just met their creepy guide Thad and his crow Heppy. Be prepared for a little excitement in these next two chapters, as the gang goes from fear of death to fear of death. And be aware that you are about to meet my favorite character (save Dewey himself, of course). Now, without further ado...
Chapter 6 - Troubled Horizon
Chapter 7 - A Kansas Farmer
Whole Story
you guys are awesome
So, at the risk of sounding like one of those people who always talks about cats, I think I'm gonna talk about my sister's cat. At the moment it is sitting on my lap top, watching my mouse move back and forth on the blank white screen. Cats are incredibly stupid. Especially my sister's.
Anyway, in real news I'm going to have real money for the first time in a while on Friday. That's right, my first pay check AND my tax refund are slated to come on the same day. I would say that this excites me in unnatural ways, but I tend not to get erections over monetary exchanges.
Go figure.
Other news: I just figured out today that I could still apply to Georgetown Law if I wanted. Luckily, I don't want to, so things seem to be working out.
If you haven't already guessed, today's post is likely going to be a series of unconnected statements.
OH! Got it. Here's something worth talking about. So I don't think I like my co-workers. Mind you, I don't particularly dislike them, but I definitely also don't like them. They are uninteresting people who don't understand my jokes and don't follow the logic for why said jokes might be funny.
Allow me to diagram a standard bit of Nathan Humor. My best verbal humor is rooted in the notion that it is funny to be overly excited about boring things. For example, the phrase "It is what it is" in spanish is "eso si que es." Thus, if someone asks "how's it going" you can say "it is what it is" but in spanish and be deep.
But the humor comes in when I excitedly go into what makes this phrase especially awesome. See, there's a GREAT mnemonic to remember "eso si que es." SOCKS! Get it? Read it slower...
SOCKS
Slower....
SOOOCCCKKKKS
SPELL it.
S.... O.... C.... K... S...
IT'S THE SAME! OH MY GOD! IT'S INCREDIBLE!
(for those who still don't follow, allow the following visual aid)
SO = Eso
C =Si
K = Que
S = Es!
See? Standard Nathan humor. It isn't meant for a laugh exactly. It's meant to make everyone feel comfortable and happy. The problem is that I don't accomplish this goal with my co-workers. They just look at me, roll their eyes, and go back to talking to one another. And it isn't even that they are serious people who want to focus on their work. I listen to their constant conversation. They share a wide number of laughs over the day. But never because of me.
And so I don't like them, but they aren't mean, so I don't dislike them either. They're just... not you folks. I may have been spoiled by having smart, witty, worldy friends to begin with and for such a long time. None of you is dull or slow or protected within your own world of inanities.
I guess I'm saying thanks to all of you for being such bright, wonderful people.
One other thing, my co-workers hate steve martin, the wild and crazy guy. This may be a step too far. I can forgive one or the other, but absolutely not both. See the movie Roxanne. Steve Martin is a national treasure.
Anyway, in real news I'm going to have real money for the first time in a while on Friday. That's right, my first pay check AND my tax refund are slated to come on the same day. I would say that this excites me in unnatural ways, but I tend not to get erections over monetary exchanges.
Go figure.
Other news: I just figured out today that I could still apply to Georgetown Law if I wanted. Luckily, I don't want to, so things seem to be working out.
If you haven't already guessed, today's post is likely going to be a series of unconnected statements.
OH! Got it. Here's something worth talking about. So I don't think I like my co-workers. Mind you, I don't particularly dislike them, but I definitely also don't like them. They are uninteresting people who don't understand my jokes and don't follow the logic for why said jokes might be funny.
Allow me to diagram a standard bit of Nathan Humor. My best verbal humor is rooted in the notion that it is funny to be overly excited about boring things. For example, the phrase "It is what it is" in spanish is "eso si que es." Thus, if someone asks "how's it going" you can say "it is what it is" but in spanish and be deep.
But the humor comes in when I excitedly go into what makes this phrase especially awesome. See, there's a GREAT mnemonic to remember "eso si que es." SOCKS! Get it? Read it slower...
SOCKS
Slower....
SOOOCCCKKKKS
SPELL it.
S.... O.... C.... K... S...
IT'S THE SAME! OH MY GOD! IT'S INCREDIBLE!
(for those who still don't follow, allow the following visual aid)
SO = Eso
C =Si
K = Que
S = Es!
See? Standard Nathan humor. It isn't meant for a laugh exactly. It's meant to make everyone feel comfortable and happy. The problem is that I don't accomplish this goal with my co-workers. They just look at me, roll their eyes, and go back to talking to one another. And it isn't even that they are serious people who want to focus on their work. I listen to their constant conversation. They share a wide number of laughs over the day. But never because of me.
And so I don't like them, but they aren't mean, so I don't dislike them either. They're just... not you folks. I may have been spoiled by having smart, witty, worldy friends to begin with and for such a long time. None of you is dull or slow or protected within your own world of inanities.
I guess I'm saying thanks to all of you for being such bright, wonderful people.
One other thing, my co-workers hate steve martin, the wild and crazy guy. This may be a step too far. I can forgive one or the other, but absolutely not both. See the movie Roxanne. Steve Martin is a national treasure.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
serious workers?
The boss was not in to work today. In theory this should mean that everyone spends the day goofing off, but now that I work with a bunch of adults that doesn't happen.
Strange world.
Strange world.
Happy Valentine's Day
Much as I said I would, I've decided to repost what I think of this whole notion of love and all that on Valentine's day (i.e. today). As many of you know, I've spent the past 25 years without any particular person that I was supposed to give anything to on this day. I used to get more sad about that. These past few years, the sadness has been far less significant. I think I've just come to accept that, at least for now, to be alone on Valentine's Day is my lot in life.
Will it change? Maybe. Maybe not. I certainly don't know. I sure hope so, though. To that effect, I thought I'd let you all know that I've officially lost 20 lbs so far on my diet. On Sunday I might post a new picture. I'd be a little surprised if you saw much difference. I think the weight loss is more all around and less targeted toward my belly.
Um. Yeah. So I guess, without any further ado, I re-present The Fictions in our Heads.
I think it's possible that the last 20 minutes of the christmas special of The Office, made by those crazy brits across the sea, are the best 20 minutes of television ever written.
Of course, in order for them to really do their job, you have to slog through the rest of it, but that isn't too bad.
But, back to the main point, I don't know if I have ever felt more joyful and hopeful than I did when I saw Dawn walk back in. If you've seen it, I think you'll know exactly what I mean. It's amazing. It's that affirmation of life that so many priests try to explain every sunday, but never quite manage. It is the pure, unadulterated joy of knowing that, once you get past all of the horribleness and anger and frustration and pain and fear of loneliness, out there is a moment of wonder and relief that makes everything else worth it.
Of course, this is television. That kind of thing doesn't happen in real life. I doubt I will ever experience it. To quote Shakespeare "Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." Real lives aren't poetic or just or meaningful. For all of the imagined drama real lives simply are what they are. But that doesn't mean I can't dream about a life that mght be one of beauty and love and spirit and meaning.
You know, I don't remember where I heard this, but I once caught the argument for Santa Clause. Specifically, the question was why do we lie to our children about things like Santa Clause and elves and fairies and magic. The answer was perfect. We lie about those things to teach children about the bigger lie of truth, liberty, justice, and morality. In reality, all of those things are just fictions in our head. They are stories we place upon events so that the world makes sense. But can you imagine a world without them?
I don't ever want to.
And so, if we're going to believe in truth, liberty, justice, morality, and all those other things, why shouldn't we believe in love and a happy ending as well?
Oh, one other thing. I once got a girl a box of chocolates on valentine's day, because she didn't have a boyfriend at the time, and I thought she deserved one. Even if it isn't me, I think she still does. As far as I can tell, she spent almost her entire life worrying for and helping others. Anyone whose been through her life deserves someone who will spend a little time looking after her. And boy, can she dance.
Will it change? Maybe. Maybe not. I certainly don't know. I sure hope so, though. To that effect, I thought I'd let you all know that I've officially lost 20 lbs so far on my diet. On Sunday I might post a new picture. I'd be a little surprised if you saw much difference. I think the weight loss is more all around and less targeted toward my belly.
Um. Yeah. So I guess, without any further ado, I re-present The Fictions in our Heads.
I think it's possible that the last 20 minutes of the christmas special of The Office, made by those crazy brits across the sea, are the best 20 minutes of television ever written.
Of course, in order for them to really do their job, you have to slog through the rest of it, but that isn't too bad.
But, back to the main point, I don't know if I have ever felt more joyful and hopeful than I did when I saw Dawn walk back in. If you've seen it, I think you'll know exactly what I mean. It's amazing. It's that affirmation of life that so many priests try to explain every sunday, but never quite manage. It is the pure, unadulterated joy of knowing that, once you get past all of the horribleness and anger and frustration and pain and fear of loneliness, out there is a moment of wonder and relief that makes everything else worth it.
Of course, this is television. That kind of thing doesn't happen in real life. I doubt I will ever experience it. To quote Shakespeare "Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." Real lives aren't poetic or just or meaningful. For all of the imagined drama real lives simply are what they are. But that doesn't mean I can't dream about a life that mght be one of beauty and love and spirit and meaning.
You know, I don't remember where I heard this, but I once caught the argument for Santa Clause. Specifically, the question was why do we lie to our children about things like Santa Clause and elves and fairies and magic. The answer was perfect. We lie about those things to teach children about the bigger lie of truth, liberty, justice, and morality. In reality, all of those things are just fictions in our head. They are stories we place upon events so that the world makes sense. But can you imagine a world without them?
I don't ever want to.
And so, if we're going to believe in truth, liberty, justice, morality, and all those other things, why shouldn't we believe in love and a happy ending as well?
Oh, one other thing. I once got a girl a box of chocolates on valentine's day, because she didn't have a boyfriend at the time, and I thought she deserved one. Even if it isn't me, I think she still does. As far as I can tell, she spent almost her entire life worrying for and helping others. Anyone whose been through her life deserves someone who will spend a little time looking after her. And boy, can she dance.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Evil Nate: Part II
Here is a little Evidence, concerning my opinion of Evil Nate. As you see, if Simon grew about 9 inches, broke his nose, got incredibly muscular, and became evil, he would turn into this Nebraska Cornhusker.Luckily for Nate, none of that seems likely to happen, unless he takes a special potion that also turns him green when he gets angry.
Edit (9:06PM): Also, for anyone who listens to the spodcast at KUsports.com, I was mentioned as njthomas this week for coming up with "spodbacker," which makes more sense if you listen to the program. Sadly, they guessed I might be New Jersey Billy Thomas because I didn't list my name, but what can you do. Maybe I'll let them know that it's Nathan John Thomas. Maybe not.
Either way, if you like KU sports and have time to listen to a 45 minute program every few days, check it out. KU Spodcasters.
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
Three things (or Evil Nate Simon)
OK, three things.
First, I work for Koch Industries, scanning boxes of info and summarizing the contents. Ultimately, I'm the guy who gives the info to the guy who decides whether old documents may be destroyed or must be saved for legal purposes.
Second, the huge bastard who plays ball for Nebraska U. and fouled out tonight looks like the evil version of Nate Simon. Every time I saw him, I thought, "Nate Simon! But evil!"
Third, I'm posting the next few chapters of my story, because it is wednesday, and that's what I do on Wednesday.
Chapter 4 - 3 A. M.
Chapter 5 - The Crow in the Plains
A word of warning. I've been a bit busy and haven't had the chance to re-edit these two chapters, so they might be a bit more scratchy than the first few.
And, once again, for the link to the full story.
First, I work for Koch Industries, scanning boxes of info and summarizing the contents. Ultimately, I'm the guy who gives the info to the guy who decides whether old documents may be destroyed or must be saved for legal purposes.
Second, the huge bastard who plays ball for Nebraska U. and fouled out tonight looks like the evil version of Nate Simon. Every time I saw him, I thought, "Nate Simon! But evil!"
Third, I'm posting the next few chapters of my story, because it is wednesday, and that's what I do on Wednesday.
Chapter 4 - 3 A. M.
Chapter 5 - The Crow in the Plains
A word of warning. I've been a bit busy and haven't had the chance to re-edit these two chapters, so they might be a bit more scratchy than the first few.
And, once again, for the link to the full story.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Fanaticism: I hate crazy people.
Alright, it has been a secondary mission of mine over the years to try to push people away from fulfilling the negative stereotypes to which they were born. For example, I wish fat white guys wouldn't be hicks and/or evil CEOs.
As such, this whole going freaking nuts thing concerning a couple political cartoons made by the danes really depresses me. I mean, come on. So some cartoonists drew a politically oriented image of Mohammed. Only a crazy person would riot, burn down buildings, make fire bombs, and generally go insane with rage.
The proper thing to do, if you are really that offended, is to strike back in a like way. One islamic newspaper had a drawing of ann frank sleeping with hitler. This is close, but I think it still doesn't do the job.
For one thing, the Danes tend not to be Jewish. Drawing an ann frank/hitler cartoon is like punching your sister because your brother made you angry.
If I were these wild eyed islamic folks, I might draw a picture of Jesus being anally raped by the danish president, or something. Except it's possible that depictions of Jesus are also not supposed to be made in the islamic religion, as he was also supposed to be a prophet.
I read one statement from some Iranian fellow that said they needed to fight back against these negative portrayals of islam in the worldwide press, which is why the protests were happening. The thing is, I'm reasonably certain that most of the world was starting to feel a lot less negative about the muslim religion up until the crazy fanatics started burning things down again.
OVER SOME PICTURES!
Maybe it's just my humanist nature that doesn't understand. I could easily see something similar happening in the states if a major newspaper published a picture of Bush raping Jesus. How many crazies would come out of the woodwork to try to burn down that newspaper? I guess I just don't understand fanaticism.
Jesus taught us all to turn the other cheek. For goodness sakes, he died because he was working so hard at turning the other cheek. It's strange to me that we live in a world where so many in the Judeo-Christian-Islamic religion consider it perfectly acceptable to go against everything our religious forebearers taught us out of a sense of fanatic pride. "Don't turn the other cheek, burn down a building." "Disregard Jesus and exclaim with total certainty exactly where homosexuals are going when they die." "Pride is far more important than humility."
The sad man within me who wishes so many humans weren't fulfilling their negative stereotypes is crying a little bit. The big fat fun guy on the outside is mostly just embarrassed.
As such, this whole going freaking nuts thing concerning a couple political cartoons made by the danes really depresses me. I mean, come on. So some cartoonists drew a politically oriented image of Mohammed. Only a crazy person would riot, burn down buildings, make fire bombs, and generally go insane with rage.
The proper thing to do, if you are really that offended, is to strike back in a like way. One islamic newspaper had a drawing of ann frank sleeping with hitler. This is close, but I think it still doesn't do the job.
For one thing, the Danes tend not to be Jewish. Drawing an ann frank/hitler cartoon is like punching your sister because your brother made you angry.
If I were these wild eyed islamic folks, I might draw a picture of Jesus being anally raped by the danish president, or something. Except it's possible that depictions of Jesus are also not supposed to be made in the islamic religion, as he was also supposed to be a prophet.
I read one statement from some Iranian fellow that said they needed to fight back against these negative portrayals of islam in the worldwide press, which is why the protests were happening. The thing is, I'm reasonably certain that most of the world was starting to feel a lot less negative about the muslim religion up until the crazy fanatics started burning things down again.
OVER SOME PICTURES!
Maybe it's just my humanist nature that doesn't understand. I could easily see something similar happening in the states if a major newspaper published a picture of Bush raping Jesus. How many crazies would come out of the woodwork to try to burn down that newspaper? I guess I just don't understand fanaticism.
Jesus taught us all to turn the other cheek. For goodness sakes, he died because he was working so hard at turning the other cheek. It's strange to me that we live in a world where so many in the Judeo-Christian-Islamic religion consider it perfectly acceptable to go against everything our religious forebearers taught us out of a sense of fanatic pride. "Don't turn the other cheek, burn down a building." "Disregard Jesus and exclaim with total certainty exactly where homosexuals are going when they die." "Pride is far more important than humility."
The sad man within me who wishes so many humans weren't fulfilling their negative stereotypes is crying a little bit. The big fat fun guy on the outside is mostly just embarrassed.
Job? and Black Slacks
So I just went to a job interview for a position that has almost nothing to do with my education or background, but that pays well enough. I guess it's something.
In other news, I'm reasonably certain that I look dead sexy in my dress shirt and black slacks. If any of you ladies see me and just can't keep your hands off, don't worry. It's ok to touch. Just don't ruin the threads.
HTGBWET Tip #345214: Black slacks from JC Penney's are way more awesome than Khaki from JC Penney's. Or walmart.
p.s. I'm trying to go a bit more commercial. If you click the links above, I earn money. So far, I've earned over 30 cents! In 2 months! So I figure, once that number hits $50, I'ma throw you guys a party.
This should give you incentive! Please, click whenever anything catches your eye.
Edit: UPDATE: Ok. Turns I I definitely do have a new job now. I just got the call. I'll be starting tomorrow, bright and early, at 8am. Crazy.
In other news, I'm reasonably certain that I look dead sexy in my dress shirt and black slacks. If any of you ladies see me and just can't keep your hands off, don't worry. It's ok to touch. Just don't ruin the threads.
HTGBWET Tip #345214: Black slacks from JC Penney's are way more awesome than Khaki from JC Penney's. Or walmart.
p.s. I'm trying to go a bit more commercial. If you click the links above, I earn money. So far, I've earned over 30 cents! In 2 months! So I figure, once that number hits $50, I'ma throw you guys a party.
This should give you incentive! Please, click whenever anything catches your eye.
Edit: UPDATE: Ok. Turns I I definitely do have a new job now. I just got the call. I'll be starting tomorrow, bright and early, at 8am. Crazy.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
College Hoops Infamy
So I was reading about Temple's lowest scoring game since the 70's on espn, and the writer decided to research that 70's game. Which brings us to this article. Read it for a laugh, a shock, and, maybe, a laugh again.
It was a full, college regulation game. But there was no shot clock. Final score? 11 to 6.
That's right. You heard me. 11 points to 6 points. To put that in perspective, KU beat OU 59 to 58. Hell, my niece's 6th grade team today beat St. marks 18 to 15.
11 to 6.
Amazing.
It was a full, college regulation game. But there was no shot clock. Final score? 11 to 6.
That's right. You heard me. 11 points to 6 points. To put that in perspective, KU beat OU 59 to 58. Hell, my niece's 6th grade team today beat St. marks 18 to 15.
11 to 6.
Amazing.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
2002
Alright, I'm writing a new post explicitly to get beauty and the geek off the top of my board. I mean, honestly, talk about embarrassing. Even if it is a great show.
Instead I would like to talk about the south american wombat.
Wait. No, that's no good either.
Ok. I would like to talk about pictures. I'm a little bit of a sentimentalist. I don't know if anyone knew that. I like to fish through old things and remember the many wonderful adventures I've had in my life. I like to see images of my time in germany. I like reading through my old yearbooks every once in a while and thinking about all the things I did and all the things I wish I'd done.
Most recently (re: tonight) I've gotten out old college pictures. I have a set of my pledge sons and I taking Grover the cooler around campus. I've got some graduation pictures. I've even got a really awesome picture of Rob, Kyle, and me dressed up as gangesters for halloween.
But the one I like the most was taken on Dec. 21, 2002, according to the bottom right corner of the picture. Joel had come to visit. That was when he first met my friend Vanja. It's a picture I like, not because it tells a story, but because it paints a feeling. It reminds me of the times when I feel safe and happy and absolutely surrounded by friends. Which is crazy, because besides me there is only one friend in the picture.
I think, save a few really dark times, the year 2002 may have been my favorite college year. Better than 2003, when I graduated and spent my first real time in a state that was not my own. Better than 2000, when I started to get my life together and had a girlfriend for the first time and road horses. Better, even, than 2004, when I got drunk for the first time and book-ended the year in New York at the beginning and Kansas City at the end.
2002 was my year. That was the year I went to germany. The year I first attempted alcohol.
The year I finally got all A's in a semester. The year I really started to give a crap. The year I settled on psychology. The year I took the GRE. The year I finally found a second best friend.
And, of course, that was the year I met the Bosnian Babe, the other person in my picture.
So I'm wondering. Do any of you folks have a year like that? A sort of turning year, when everything clarifies, and you realize who you are, what you might want to be, and that maybe there is a reason for all of this? I'm willing to accept school years, but I think, somehow, the summer is a surprisingly important piece to a true turning year.
Also, Audrie, Jenny sent me pics of your baby. VERY CUTE. You want I should post one or two, or are you going to be sending us all a link at some point?
Instead I would like to talk about the south american wombat.
Wait. No, that's no good either.
Ok. I would like to talk about pictures. I'm a little bit of a sentimentalist. I don't know if anyone knew that. I like to fish through old things and remember the many wonderful adventures I've had in my life. I like to see images of my time in germany. I like reading through my old yearbooks every once in a while and thinking about all the things I did and all the things I wish I'd done.
Most recently (re: tonight) I've gotten out old college pictures. I have a set of my pledge sons and I taking Grover the cooler around campus. I've got some graduation pictures. I've even got a really awesome picture of Rob, Kyle, and me dressed up as gangesters for halloween.
But the one I like the most was taken on Dec. 21, 2002, according to the bottom right corner of the picture. Joel had come to visit. That was when he first met my friend Vanja. It's a picture I like, not because it tells a story, but because it paints a feeling. It reminds me of the times when I feel safe and happy and absolutely surrounded by friends. Which is crazy, because besides me there is only one friend in the picture.
I think, save a few really dark times, the year 2002 may have been my favorite college year. Better than 2003, when I graduated and spent my first real time in a state that was not my own. Better than 2000, when I started to get my life together and had a girlfriend for the first time and road horses. Better, even, than 2004, when I got drunk for the first time and book-ended the year in New York at the beginning and Kansas City at the end.
2002 was my year. That was the year I went to germany. The year I first attempted alcohol.
The year I finally got all A's in a semester. The year I really started to give a crap. The year I settled on psychology. The year I took the GRE. The year I finally found a second best friend.
And, of course, that was the year I met the Bosnian Babe, the other person in my picture.
So I'm wondering. Do any of you folks have a year like that? A sort of turning year, when everything clarifies, and you realize who you are, what you might want to be, and that maybe there is a reason for all of this? I'm willing to accept school years, but I think, somehow, the summer is a surprisingly important piece to a true turning year.
Also, Audrie, Jenny sent me pics of your baby. VERY CUTE. You want I should post one or two, or are you going to be sending us all a link at some point?
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Beauty and the Geek
There totally is social strata. And to that point, the tv series Beauty and the Geek offends me. (and I would like to point out that I dont watch it, and everything I know about it comes from seeing previews during other shows I watch and from watching The Soup) It annoys me that people think that these guys should change so they can hook up with these moronic girls! It's the girls who should change, and by change I mean become smarter. They are idiots, and the boys/geeks should be looking for someone in their "strata" because despite the fact that these girls are pretty, they are morons. And really, once you're done with the shagging, you want someone you can talk to. Or at least, I do. - Sara
Holy cow! I'm writing a lot today. Ok, before I talk about Beauty and the Geek, I want to mention that I also posted on the topic of Releasing the Fish for all you HTGBWET afficionados out there. It's a fun read. In fact, you should check it out before reading this post.
Are you reading it?
I'm waiting.
Ok. Good to see you got back so quickly. I also posted more chapters to my story, but you don't need to read those.
Now I could spend the next hour talking about not judging a book by its cover, but instead let me just talk about the show Beauty and the Geek.
I, for one, am a big fan. At first I wasn't sure if I was going to like it, figuring it for a ridiculous version of the Average Joe, but then I watched the first episode last year and was startled to discover exactly what the point of the show was.
It has nothing to do with making matchs, love, dating, or any of those other stupid reality shows out there. It's all about socially apt but intellectually challenged women teaching socially inept men a little about human interaction, and brilliant but socially inept men teaching women a little about the intellectual world.
At the end no one gets together. No one falls in love. No one is supposed to. The only real goal of the show is to become a more well rounded individual. Sara was correct with her comment, that the girls should become smarter, but she was wrong to think that the guys on the show should not try to change as well.
I mean, honestly, shouldn't growth in areas that truly challenge us be the goal of every individual? Last season I really identified with a lot of those so-called geeks, because not too long ago I knew exactly where they were coming from. Hell, there is a bit of me that still knows. By the end of last season I was cheering for those geeks who had conquered some fears and learned some of the minutia of social interaction, and I was frustated by the geeks who rejected it all and decided to continue living in their shells.
To an extent I felt the same way about the women, but I've never been a dim person, so I don't really identify with them. It was certainly nice to see a few of them demonstrate a level of intelligence I never would have predicted at the shows onset, though.
If one followed the previews and previous experience alone, this is a show that could be easily shrugged aside as more "reality" tripe from the idiot networks. But I assure you, it is not. It is a show with heart, warmth, and understanding. It is a show about growth and learning. And, at the end, it is a show that you think may actually be a bit more real than you had ever expected.
Holy cow! I'm writing a lot today. Ok, before I talk about Beauty and the Geek, I want to mention that I also posted on the topic of Releasing the Fish for all you HTGBWET afficionados out there. It's a fun read. In fact, you should check it out before reading this post.
Are you reading it?
I'm waiting.
Ok. Good to see you got back so quickly. I also posted more chapters to my story, but you don't need to read those.
Now I could spend the next hour talking about not judging a book by its cover, but instead let me just talk about the show Beauty and the Geek.
I, for one, am a big fan. At first I wasn't sure if I was going to like it, figuring it for a ridiculous version of the Average Joe, but then I watched the first episode last year and was startled to discover exactly what the point of the show was.
It has nothing to do with making matchs, love, dating, or any of those other stupid reality shows out there. It's all about socially apt but intellectually challenged women teaching socially inept men a little about human interaction, and brilliant but socially inept men teaching women a little about the intellectual world.
At the end no one gets together. No one falls in love. No one is supposed to. The only real goal of the show is to become a more well rounded individual. Sara was correct with her comment, that the girls should become smarter, but she was wrong to think that the guys on the show should not try to change as well.
I mean, honestly, shouldn't growth in areas that truly challenge us be the goal of every individual? Last season I really identified with a lot of those so-called geeks, because not too long ago I knew exactly where they were coming from. Hell, there is a bit of me that still knows. By the end of last season I was cheering for those geeks who had conquered some fears and learned some of the minutia of social interaction, and I was frustated by the geeks who rejected it all and decided to continue living in their shells.
To an extent I felt the same way about the women, but I've never been a dim person, so I don't really identify with them. It was certainly nice to see a few of them demonstrate a level of intelligence I never would have predicted at the shows onset, though.
If one followed the previews and previous experience alone, this is a show that could be easily shrugged aside as more "reality" tripe from the idiot networks. But I assure you, it is not. It is a show with heart, warmth, and understanding. It is a show about growth and learning. And, at the end, it is a show that you think may actually be a bit more real than you had ever expected.
The Story - 2 more chapters
And for those of you following such things, here are the next two chapters of my story.
The Cousins
The Boatman
For anyone not interested, my new post below this one on "releasing the fish" more closely follows the HTGBWET creed, which I haven't written down yet.
The Cousins
The Boatman
For anyone not interested, my new post below this one on "releasing the fish" more closely follows the HTGBWET creed, which I haven't written down yet.
Releasing the Fish
Today, in my continuing series for guys who just don't get it: releasing the fish back into the stream.
It has come to my attention that many men don't know proper bar ettiquette. Suppose you've finally gotten over yourself and gotten up the nerve to talk to that girl you've been eyeing from across the bar. Things seem to be going well. You've hit it off. Everyone seems to be having a good time.
Now, being new on the scene, I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, "Hot damn! Things are finally looking up! I could probably hang out with this girl all night long!"
WRONG!!!!
Sadly, this is simply not true in bar politics. I know it is a stereotype, but for some reason it seems to be true. Guys have an ability to instantlly form a crush. The ladies do not. For some reason women need a breather in order to allow themselves to decide exactly what they thought of you. Perhaps they need to talk to their friends about you or consult the spirits. I have no idea. I only know that you MUST NOT leach on to them the rest of the night.
You must be breezy. You must be friendly. Don't be aloof. Be busy.
At a natural pause in the conversation say something like, "Oh, hey, I need to go check on my friends, but maybe I'll see you in a bit?"
The woman will always respond with an affirmative. It is the nature of the bar room.
And then you walk away. It may be the hardest thing you have to do all night. It is terrifying, but it is really better for all parties. Then you wait. If you see her across the room, pretend you don't. If you never see her again, consider it fate. No matter what, you must wait.
A wise man once told me that if the girl comes back, she was always yours. If she does not, she never was.
In a sense, it is a softer and easier way for both parties. It essentially gives women a choice. If they like the guy, they can go and start talking to him again. They can even mask it by "bringing a friend over to meet his friend."
UBER TRICKY!
However, if she decides she just isn't interested, she doesn't have to be freaked out about rejecting him. She simply doesn't have to go back. No one need feel the pain and embarrassment that comes from an upfront rejection.
Many people write to me and ask, "But Nathan, what if all my friends end up going to another bar? What if we never see each other again, but not by choice?"
To these people I say, "Freaking deal with it. The quest for a relationship need not be a quest for winning lotto numbers. There is a part of me that believes that every person has his or her perfect match, but there is another part of me that moderates the statement by saying a perfect match must be molded by time and hard work. Don't waste your time dreaming of the perfect someone or the one that got away. If you do, the only thing you should truly being mourning is the loss of your self. Dip your line back into that vivid blue water and wait. Another will come along."
Then I bitch-slap them.
It has come to my attention that many men don't know proper bar ettiquette. Suppose you've finally gotten over yourself and gotten up the nerve to talk to that girl you've been eyeing from across the bar. Things seem to be going well. You've hit it off. Everyone seems to be having a good time.
Now, being new on the scene, I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, "Hot damn! Things are finally looking up! I could probably hang out with this girl all night long!"
WRONG!!!!
Sadly, this is simply not true in bar politics. I know it is a stereotype, but for some reason it seems to be true. Guys have an ability to instantlly form a crush. The ladies do not. For some reason women need a breather in order to allow themselves to decide exactly what they thought of you. Perhaps they need to talk to their friends about you or consult the spirits. I have no idea. I only know that you MUST NOT leach on to them the rest of the night.
You must be breezy. You must be friendly. Don't be aloof. Be busy.
At a natural pause in the conversation say something like, "Oh, hey, I need to go check on my friends, but maybe I'll see you in a bit?"
The woman will always respond with an affirmative. It is the nature of the bar room.
And then you walk away. It may be the hardest thing you have to do all night. It is terrifying, but it is really better for all parties. Then you wait. If you see her across the room, pretend you don't. If you never see her again, consider it fate. No matter what, you must wait.
A wise man once told me that if the girl comes back, she was always yours. If she does not, she never was.
In a sense, it is a softer and easier way for both parties. It essentially gives women a choice. If they like the guy, they can go and start talking to him again. They can even mask it by "bringing a friend over to meet his friend."
UBER TRICKY!
However, if she decides she just isn't interested, she doesn't have to be freaked out about rejecting him. She simply doesn't have to go back. No one need feel the pain and embarrassment that comes from an upfront rejection.
Many people write to me and ask, "But Nathan, what if all my friends end up going to another bar? What if we never see each other again, but not by choice?"
To these people I say, "Freaking deal with it. The quest for a relationship need not be a quest for winning lotto numbers. There is a part of me that believes that every person has his or her perfect match, but there is another part of me that moderates the statement by saying a perfect match must be molded by time and hard work. Don't waste your time dreaming of the perfect someone or the one that got away. If you do, the only thing you should truly being mourning is the loss of your self. Dip your line back into that vivid blue water and wait. Another will come along."
Then I bitch-slap them.
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