Releasing the Fish

Today, in my continuing series for guys who just don't get it: releasing the fish back into the stream.

It has come to my attention that many men don't know proper bar ettiquette. Suppose you've finally gotten over yourself and gotten up the nerve to talk to that girl you've been eyeing from across the bar. Things seem to be going well. You've hit it off. Everyone seems to be having a good time.

Now, being new on the scene, I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, "Hot damn! Things are finally looking up! I could probably hang out with this girl all night long!"

WRONG!!!!

Sadly, this is simply not true in bar politics. I know it is a stereotype, but for some reason it seems to be true. Guys have an ability to instantlly form a crush. The ladies do not. For some reason women need a breather in order to allow themselves to decide exactly what they thought of you. Perhaps they need to talk to their friends about you or consult the spirits. I have no idea. I only know that you MUST NOT leach on to them the rest of the night.

You must be breezy. You must be friendly. Don't be aloof. Be busy.

At a natural pause in the conversation say something like, "Oh, hey, I need to go check on my friends, but maybe I'll see you in a bit?"

The woman will always respond with an affirmative. It is the nature of the bar room.

And then you walk away. It may be the hardest thing you have to do all night. It is terrifying, but it is really better for all parties. Then you wait. If you see her across the room, pretend you don't. If you never see her again, consider it fate. No matter what, you must wait.

A wise man once told me that if the girl comes back, she was always yours. If she does not, she never was.

In a sense, it is a softer and easier way for both parties. It essentially gives women a choice. If they like the guy, they can go and start talking to him again. They can even mask it by "bringing a friend over to meet his friend."

UBER TRICKY!

However, if she decides she just isn't interested, she doesn't have to be freaked out about rejecting him. She simply doesn't have to go back. No one need feel the pain and embarrassment that comes from an upfront rejection.

Many people write to me and ask, "But Nathan, what if all my friends end up going to another bar? What if we never see each other again, but not by choice?"

To these people I say, "Freaking deal with it. The quest for a relationship need not be a quest for winning lotto numbers. There is a part of me that believes that every person has his or her perfect match, but there is another part of me that moderates the statement by saying a perfect match must be molded by time and hard work. Don't waste your time dreaming of the perfect someone or the one that got away. If you do, the only thing you should truly being mourning is the loss of your self. Dip your line back into that vivid blue water and wait. Another will come along."

Then I bitch-slap them.