Anyway, in my bored wandering along the internet I came across a list of things men should do for women. Let me see if I can find it again.
Here we go:
1 . Tell her she is beautiful, not hot
2 . Hold her hand at any moment even if it just for a second.
3 . Kiss her on the forehead.
4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
5 . Always tell her how beautiful she is, no matter what she's wearing.
6 . When she is upset hold her tight and tell her how much
she means to you.
7 . Recognize the small things . . . THEY USUALLY MEAN THE MOST!
8 . Call her baby
9 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.
10 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.
11 . Write her notes. {she loves them}
12 . Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend.
13 . Play with her hair.
14 . Pick her up, tickle her and play-wrestle with her.
15 . Sit in the park and just talk to her.
16 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes.
17 . Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night just because you missed her.
18 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.
19 . Carve your names into a Tree.
20 . If she's mad at you, apologize because SHE is always right.
21 . CUDDLE
22 . Bring her Flowers just because.
23 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when
you're alone.
24 . Look her in the eyes and smile.
25 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.
26 . Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing.
27 . Kiss her in the rain.
28 . If your in love with her . . . Tell her
2 . Hold her hand at any moment even if it just for a second.
3 . Kiss her on the forehead.
4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
5 . Always tell her how beautiful she is, no matter what she's wearing.
6 . When she is upset hold her tight and tell her how much
she means to you.
7 . Recognize the small things . . . THEY USUALLY MEAN THE MOST!
8 . Call her baby
9 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.
10 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.
11 . Write her notes. {she loves them}
12 . Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend.
13 . Play with her hair.
14 . Pick her up, tickle her and play-wrestle with her.
15 . Sit in the park and just talk to her.
16 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes.
17 . Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night just because you missed her.
18 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.
19 . Carve your names into a Tree.
20 . If she's mad at you, apologize because SHE is always right.
21 . CUDDLE
22 . Bring her Flowers just because.
23 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when
you're alone.
24 . Look her in the eyes and smile.
25 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.
26 . Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing.
27 . Kiss her in the rain.
28 . If your in love with her . . . Tell her
Now, in reading this list, an important thought came to me... Why? Why should men do these things for women? After a bit of contemplating, I decided it wasn't a list for the single bachelor type (i.e. myself), but rather it is a list for men who are already in relationships. It was a strange moment of horrified dawning realization.
Why "horrified"? I don't know. It's a funny word.
Anyway, the list got me to think about the person who had posted the list, relationships in general, and the obvious fear and insecurity that everyone must feel basically all the time about the opposite sex.
Eventually I came to the only conclusion that seemed reasonable. I just can't handle it. Certainly, I enjoy doing all of these things. I just hate constantly worrying about basically everything I do or say.
I don't get it. I just don't get it. I am not a confident person, when it comes to close, personal relationships, and this essentially eliminates my chance to HAVE one.
And I think it might be a bit late in the game to try switching personalities.
As such, I've decided to throw in the towel. At least for the moment, I'm done with the whole thing. Screw kisses on the forehead and name-carving in trees. Down with play-wrestling and slow dancing. To hell with recognizing the small things and playing with hair. I am who I am, and I can't change that.
I'm not going to try anymore. If a woman is interested in me, neat. Maybe I'll respond, but I won't go out of my way to try to interest her. It isn't that I can't be bothered. It's that I can't handle the frustration.
That's it from me. I'm tired, and it's probably time to go to sleep. I have to wake up in about 5 hours.
5 comments:
It'd be funny if it wasn't advice for a relationship. Slow dance with her even if there isn't any music playing, the tree carving or the throwing of the pebbles, how quickly you think that shit would get someone arrested if it wasn't in a relationship?
But think of the nice things she might do for YOU if you do those things for her!
Right right, but my major point here is that I'm giving up on trying to reach a point where any of this matters. If I were in a relationship, all of this would probably be very handy, if not totally obvious, but I'm not and have decided that I'm tired of wasting so many of my resources trying to be in one.
Joel is fond of saying that it's all about confidence. Others have suggested that it's all about social classes.
Both could be correct. My guess is that confidence defines social class, at least to an extent. You are who you think you are, at least to others.
And I guess that's where my problem lies. I think I am a fat guy who isn't socially apt, who doesn't understand most interpersonal social interaction, who can't hear or otherwise interact in noisy environments, and who is generally intimidated by the very women I am most attracted to.
Now I'm able to overcome pieces of this puzzle, but I can't detangle the whole skein at one time. As such, I've decided, finally, after about 14 years of trying, to just give up.
I think this generally sounds like a good idea. It's hard to be intimidated when you aren't worried about failure. If I'm not trying to get with a particular woman, I'm much better at being loose and fun in almost all social situations.
There is a chance that the first few times I attempt any of this I'll be met by extreme failure. Old grooves die hard. I just think that eventually I'll be much happier and productive.
And, once again, this doesn't mean I'll be turning any relationships down. It just means that I won't go through the rigamarole of wishing I had one and actually trying to get one using that stupid list.
You know, I think I've heard the most stories and experienced it myself, where you must enjoy life, don't get stressed out about being single, basically enjoy the feeling, and that's usually when people meet someone. The effort apparently appears desperate when you try to get a guy/girl, so it doesn't work. Maybe you're on the right track. But I would say ENJOY being single...after all, relationships are great, but also have their hard and bad moments too, and you have to suppress selfish urges. So, be selfish. Well..to a degree..I think that's a given.
You sound like me 4 years ago. And I must say "Good for you" the woman that's right for you won't demand any of that stuff, nor will you have to "remember every hour of every day" to do it. It'll come naturally. Whenever that occurrs.
I learned the hard way there are worse things in this life than being alone. Taking a relationship hiatus is usually a good thing.
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