Rent?

Screw it. Let's just open up a restaurant in Santa Fe.

You know, Rent is an amazingly touching movie, even if the ending is a little dumb. In fact, maybe that's part of it. You are never quite satisfied with the end and are forced to live through the music in the middle again and again.

At the moment I'm listening to the song "Will I," and it has put me in a thoughtful mood. Sometimes while we're all busy having fun or worrying about petty concerns like de-virginization, we sort of forget that maybe our lives aren't all about filfilling silly whims.

I don't have much else to say beyond that. This isn't really a do-gooder post. I'm not going to provide any links to the good will or anything like that. I just find myself caught up in the lyrics:

Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

I mean, I think we've all been in a place in life where we wonder this. Lord knows I have.

Yeah, I've got nothing. I don't know how to express what I want to say.

I remember my freshman year of college. The first semester sucked, but I somehow managed to get through it. The second was not so easy.

I distinctly remember times when I would feel so overwhelmed that all I could think to do was go hide in an empty room and stare at the wall. I had not learned to cope. There was even one very terrible day, as I was driving back up to school from a trip home, when I seriously considered wrecking my car, just so I wouldn't have to go back up to that terrible place.

That's what I think of when I hear this song. I remember the fear. I remember the terror. I remember thinking that I was being attacked from all sides, like standing naked in a hurricane.

In the book "A Princess Bride" they talk more vividly of the torture machine that momentarily kills the man in black. The story goe that the man in black had been trained how to escape the pain of torture by moving his conciousness into the dark, safe places in his body that were not feeling the pain.

However, the torture machine devised did not allow that. There was no safe place. Every part of his body was covered by the thing, including his eyes.

Anyway, then it got a little better. I didn't even notice the change; it was so gradual. I attribute some of this to an english professor of mine named Max Sutton, but that is a different story.

The semester ended. I went home and had a boring summer job. And when I came back, I discovered that college wasn't as terrible as I remembered. It was really very surprising how much I enjoyed the experience after that.

Will I lose my dignity? Will someone care?
Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?

I'm a surprisingly happy guy. I've lived a peaceful, good life so far. It makes me wonder. If I've found myself asking these questions for a semester, how many other people ask them far longer?

confidence and prostitution

I hate to point to other sources of insight, but sometimes the world throws me these bones, and I don't know what else to do with them.

I watched yet another episode of How I Met Your Mother, and it was pretty good. The storyline wasn't as awesome as last week, but the message was just as important.

Warning: about to give it all away:

So the main character guy gets set up on this date with a hooker by Barney, who is the man. And things are going REALLY WELL, because, obviously, she is a hooker.

Eventually, Ted (the main character) and the hooker go up to this hotel room, and ted says he can't sleep with a prostitute.

Meanwhile, Barney reveals that "ha ha" she ISN'T a prostitute.

Moral of the story: Confidence. Ted wasn't worried about what to say or anything, because he knew they were gonna get together. Now if he could just bring that kind of game every time: bamm, he'd be on fire.

It's an interesting thought and one I'll have to keep in mind. It's kinda like shooting an arrow. Don't shoot at the target, shoot through and past the target. This also works in pool. Don't worry about the ball you're trying to sink. Worry about where the cue is going after you sink the ball.

Less than 2 weeks!

Alright, folks. It is about to be Tuesday, April 25. This means that we have less than 2 weeks before Kristi gets married and finds herself at the station off the v-train.

After much consideration (and with an amused eye cast toward the contention from Friday), I've decided it is everyone's job to push Felix off the v-train BEFORE these two weeks are up.

If this does not happen, Felix will be sad, but unsurprised. However, secondhand sources indicate that he will blame all of you for making him officially "that guy who was a virgin longer than KRISTI!"

He also swears that if the movie 40 year old virgin becomes like a biopic, he's gonna be pretty pissed off.

monday and floss

Ma chere Mademoiselle et Monsieur, it is with deepest pride and greatest pleasure that I welcome you this morning. And now we invite you to relax, let us pull up a chair as the HTGBWET proudly presents - Monday!


Hi, all. Isn't this a great morning? Some mondays I hate, but this one is not one of those.

This weekend was fairly empty. Aside from seeing American Dreamz (I enjoyed it) and dancing naked through the streets of Colwich at 4am, nothing really happened.

Ok. I lied about one of those two things. Can you guess which one?

And, as we all know, when nothing of any note happens in between postings it is important for us at HTGBWET to come up with a life lesson so as to attract new readers and maintain old ones.

Therefore, today's life lesson is: Always have floss handy if you are eating corn on the cob or an apple. This may not happen to some people, but it is a source of neverending irritation for yours truly. There I am, relaxedly enjoying an apple, when suddenly - and without provocation - the skin of the apple gets tripped inbetween my teeth!

BASTARD APPLE!

Now my teeth gaps are really frustrating. They aren't wide enough to allow a fingernail or toothpick to remove the bit of apple skin, and they aren't narrow enough to simply never allow the skin in in the first place. As such, the only solution for myself and countless thousands of other loyal readers is to sit in silence or find floss.

Regrettably, I just ate lunch and no floss is handy. Perhaps I'll go downstairs and get some.

Perhaps not.

Friday Mailbag - 4/21

In what I hope can only be an exciting move, I've decided to create a new format for fridays, after the surprising success of my tuesday mailbag edition.

That's right prognisticators out there, every friday I will select the comments I like the most from the week and slap them on the front page, then make silly remarks/responses to them.

To begin, let us consider the quiet musings of Kiki, a loner and ne'er-do-well from Tallahassee, FL, who responded effusively to my sex statistics:

These statistics bode very well for me in 2 weeks. YIPEE!!!

Yes, Kristi. We know.

We all know.

Which leads me to an odd question. Which of that infamous original group that first had it's founding my junior year at the big table will be the last remaining true virgin? Vegas has Felix by 20 points, but two dark horses are eyeing him warily.

Our new best friend at HTGBWET - Vince - had this to say:

The last person I was in bed with would have been willing to repeat the experience, but I wasn't. I kinda regret having been with her in the first place, as it was the first time I let myself get in that situation with someone I wasn't into intellectually and/or emotionally... no thanks, again.

The editors at HTGBWET give a huge thumbs up to bar skanks, Vince. Sure, they aren't for everyone, and certainly there is a bit of regret later, but at the same time, at least you gave your hand a rest.

The editors at HTGBWET instantly regret that last remark, and, as a consolation give Vince the last comment of the day.

This resolution never lasts. :-)

Women are too powerful, impossible to resist forever.

Wiser words have never been said. Sure, He-Man had the power of Gray Skull, but didn't that mean that he was just the Sorceress's bitch?

And with that we return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

The Lupine

I want to talk to you guys about a book that my mom used to read to me when I was little. It was a very important book. Far more important than "I'll like you forever. I'll love you for always." At least, in my mind.

I don't remember the title, and we no longer have the book anymore, but let me give you the synopsis.

A little girl used to visit her grandmother's house on the sea every summer, and every summer the yard around her grandmother's house would be full of a particular, purple flower called a Lupine. One day the little girl asked her grandmother about the flower, and her grandmother said that it had been her favorite flower for as long as she could remember, and before that it had been her grandmother's favorite flower. The little girl stated that it was her favorite flower as well.

Ordinarily that would be the end of the story, but for this little girl it was not.

As tends to happen, this little girl grew up. She went to school and became well educated and full of words. She traveled the world and saw a great many sights. She got married, had children, and her children had children.

Eventually she became an old woman herself, yet she always felt incomplete, like she hadn't quite finished something. Over the years she became a widow, and it was unremarkable. Women always lived longer than men in those days.

One day she decided that she had grown tired of this feeling of restlessness. She decided that she needed to know why she felt so unfinished. So she retraced her life. She visited her children and grandchildren, whom she loved very much. She traveled the world again, visiting exotic places like India and South America. She even returned to school.

But none of it did the job. Finally, she did the last thing she could think of. She returned to her grandmother's house on the sea, which was old now with much chipped paint. As she turned the last corner to get to her grandmother's home, she was greeted with a sea of purple.

Over the years the Lupines that surrounded her grandmother's house had spread and spread, until they stood as far up and down the coast as the eye could see.

Then the old woman knew what she had to do. She had done many things in her life. She had seen many things in her life. But she had never made a difference with her life. She had never given back.

When that summer ended, the woman went to every plant store she could find and purchased bags and bags of Lupine seeds. She got on her bicycle and did what she knew was the right thing to do. She gave back.

From town to town she road, spreading seeds where ever she was. Soon people in all the towns knew who she was and made jokes about the crazy woman with the seeds and the bicycle.

But she did not stop. She kept riding and planting and riding and planting, until every bag was empty, and the time for planting was through.

Then she waited. Over the winter and early spring all the townspeople continued to joke, until they forgot, as people tend to do.

Then one day in early summer a little girl woke up, opened her window blinds, and let out a loud exclamation. Before her, as far as the eye could see, was a sea of beautiful, purple flowers.

All the people in all the towns in all the land woke up that day and were surprised at what they found. Some shook their heads and continued to make jokes, but most simply stayed silent. The world around them had suddenly become intensely beautiful.

And then the little girl who had thrown open her window blinds looked at her grandmother and asked about these purple flowers. The grandmother replied that this flower was the Lupine, and it was her favorite flower since she was a little girl, and that it had been her grandmother's favorite flower as well.

Then the little girl said that it was her favorite flower too.

And that is the story. Take from it what you will.

Edit: OK. I just found it. Turns out I'd done a little judicious editing from my childhood, but I think it remains a beautiful story and a beautiful boook. It's title is Miss Rumphius.

Edit (the next morning): Perhaps the most important thing I left out was an instruction the girl received when she was young. "What is the purpose of life?" she asked. The answer was pretty simple. Visit amazing places, return home, and make something in the world beautiful.

O no! My pride! My resolve!

So sad news for all you woman haters out there. My firm resolve to just-say-no to relationships is already cracking. I haven't done anything rash yet, but at some point in the future I can't say that I might not try making eyes at someone.

Think of me!

Tom Selleck is Awesome

Three things:

First, Tom Selleck is awesome.

Second, it isn't 2am yet.

Third, my list may have started an unstoppable wave on myspace! Perhaps in a few days I will try to repost a new list with all the terms others have added.

Edit (1:33am) - It still isn't 2am. I guess that show was right. I was thinking about doing something that I might have regretted and didn't do it.

On another note, I saw a shooting star tonight and made a wish. It was a pretty amazing shooting star too, if a fairly uneventful wish.

Edit (2:01am) - Ok. I'm unplugging myself from this thing I call the internet. It's time to either go to sleep or do something that has no ramifications for tomorrow. G'night, y'all.

Stats and Sex

So it has occurred to me that an awful lot of my HTGBWET's involve a surprising amount of trying. As such, I've decided to include a new one today that requires VERY little effort.

HTGBWET #4: Already be married.

Yup. You heard it here first. Can you name the one group of people that have more sex than any other group? How about the most regular sex? Or even the most guaranteed group to sleep with somebody.

Married people. I don't know why I haven't thought of this before. Stats prove it too! Married people or people who are living together have twice as much, or even 3 TIMES as much sex as single people.

Living together: 146/yr
Married: 98/year
Single: 49/year

So there you go, folks. I don't recommend TRYING to get married or move in with someone, as that takes SERIOUS effort. But if you are already married, or very close to it, you have an average of 146 to 98 great days per year to look forward to.

Throwing in the towel: Mailbag Edition

Alright, so it's the next day, and I remain surprisingly resolute in my decision from yesterday. My new stand has generated a WAVE of reader replies (2), and I feel it necessary to go to the mailbag.

My first comment comes from Erin in Wichita. She says:

But think of the nice things she might do for YOU if you do those things for her!

To which I must reply:

Right right, but my major point here is that I'm giving up on trying to reach a point where any of this matters. If I were in a relationship, all of this would probably be very handy, if not totally obvious, but I'm not and have decided that I'm tired of wasting so many of my resources trying to be in one.

Joel is fond of saying that it's all about confidence. Others have suggested that it's all about social classes.

Both could be correct. My guess is that confidence defines social class, at least to an extent. You are who you think you are, at least to others.

And I guess that's where my problem lies. I think I am a fat guy who isn't socially apt, who doesn't understand most interpersonal social interaction, who can't hear or otherwise interact in noisy environments, and who is generally intimidated by the very women I am most attracted to.

Now I'm able to overcome pieces of this puzzle, but I can't detangle the whole skein at one time. As such, I've decided, finally, after about 14 years of trying, to just give up.

I think this generally sounds like a good idea. It's hard to be intimidated when you aren't worried about failure. If I'm not trying to get with a particular woman, I'm much better at being loose and fun in almost all social situations.

There is a chance that the first few times I attempt any of this I'll be met by extreme failure. Old grooves die hard. I just think that eventually I'll be much happier and productive.

And, once again, this doesn't mean I'll be turning any relationships down. It just means that I won't go through the rigamarole of wishing I had one and actually trying to get one using that stupid list.

Our second letter comes from Joel in KCK, who is currently using a Dell Latitude:

It'd be funny if it wasn't advice for a relationship. Slow dance with her even if there isn't any music playing, the tree carving or the throwing of the pebbles, how quickly you think that shit would get someone arrested if it wasn't in a relationship?

To which I reply:

That's why people need to join myspace. I thought the list was so ridiculous that I posted it for my friends as one of those forward-type things. Everyone who reads it is supposed to add another item that SOUNDS awesome but does not actually work (and might even be creepy).

Throwing in the Towel

Anyway, in my bored wandering along the internet I came across a list of things men should do for women. Let me see if I can find it again.

Here we go:

1 . Tell her she is beautiful, not hot
2 . Hold her hand at any moment even if it just for a second.
3 . Kiss her on the forehead.
4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
5 . Always tell her how beautiful she is, no matter what she's wearing.
6 . When she is upset hold her tight and tell her how much
she means to you.
7 . Recognize the small things . . . THEY USUALLY MEAN THE MOST!
8 . Call her baby
9 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.
10 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.
11 . Write her notes. {she loves them}
12 . Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend.
13 . Play with her hair.
14 . Pick her up, tickle her and play-wrestle with her.
15 . Sit in the park and just talk to her.
16 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes.
17 . Throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night just because you missed her.
18 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.
19 . Carve your names into a Tree.
20 . If she's mad at you, apologize because SHE is always right.
21 . CUDDLE
22 . Bring her Flowers just because.
23 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when
you're alone.
24 . Look her in the eyes and smile.
25 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.
26 . Slow dance with her, even if there isn't any music playing.
27 . Kiss her in the rain.
28 . If your in love with her . . . Tell her

Now, in reading this list, an important thought came to me... Why? Why should men do these things for women? After a bit of contemplating, I decided it wasn't a list for the single bachelor type (i.e. myself), but rather it is a list for men who are already in relationships. It was a strange moment of horrified dawning realization.

Why "horrified"? I don't know. It's a funny word.

Anyway, the list got me to think about the person who had posted the list, relationships in general, and the obvious fear and insecurity that everyone must feel basically all the time about the opposite sex.

Eventually I came to the only conclusion that seemed reasonable. I just can't handle it. Certainly, I enjoy doing all of these things. I just hate constantly worrying about basically everything I do or say.

I don't get it. I just don't get it. I am not a confident person, when it comes to close, personal relationships, and this essentially eliminates my chance to HAVE one.

And I think it might be a bit late in the game to try switching personalities.

As such, I've decided to throw in the towel. At least for the moment, I'm done with the whole thing. Screw kisses on the forehead and name-carving in trees. Down with play-wrestling and slow dancing. To hell with recognizing the small things and playing with hair. I am who I am, and I can't change that.

I'm not going to try anymore. If a woman is interested in me, neat. Maybe I'll respond, but I won't go out of my way to try to interest her. It isn't that I can't be bothered. It's that I can't handle the frustration.

That's it from me. I'm tired, and it's probably time to go to sleep. I have to wake up in about 5 hours.

The Coalitions of the Willing

Following up my rant from the other day, in which I discussed the notion that the modern republican isn't the conservative that I knew and loved, I've come across an article that discussing the interesting nature of american politics in the two part-system.

Check it out.

It's major thesis is that the democratic and the repubilcan parties are NOT parties in the traditional sense of the word (which is better seen in our smaller splinter parties, like the green party, or in European parties), but they are rather party COALITIONS, which makes more sense the more I think about it. Consider a paragraph from the article.

When Bush looked like he could do no wrong, Repubs were glad to latch onto his coattails and be the Party of Bush. They supported what he supported, no matter how abhorrent the idea was to them (budget deficits, anyone?). But now that he's not doing so well, we're seeing many more independent-minded Repubs. His coalition is falling apart. But they’re not splitting off as individuals, but rather within the specific factions that they were always in. The Social Conservatives feel used and ignored; the Fiscal Conservatives feel betrayed; and the Neo-Conservatives just feel stupid. And within these groups are various sub-factions which have their own ideas of what needs to be done. But these groups always existed as implicit parties within the Republican coalition. And the only thing that kept them silent was the lure of success.

My rant from yesterday seems to fit well with this idea. My words could be seen as an argument that fical conservatives (the ones I was calling true conservatives) should feel angry and betrayed by the other Republican groups.

Anyway, if you get a chance, try skimming it. At times it can get a little boring, but for the most part it's really very nifty. (It also puts a different spin on recent actions performed by McCain, if you've been paying attention and choose to see it that way.)

Kay Rocks

And in other news, Kay rocks (and may be full of 60s style love for the lucky chosen few!).

edit: Also in the category of rocking: The GeeWay man, for correctly figuring out the movie allusion.

The Neverending Story: Awesome 15 years ago... still awesome?

Nothing Good Ever Happens After 2 AM

As has been known to happen, I've seen a show/movie/song/etc., been put into a contemplative state by it, and am now considering the message as applied to my life.

Tonight I watched the most recently episode of How I met your Mother. The title? Nothing Good Ever Happens After 2 AM.

At its best, How I met your Mother can almost compete with scrubs, which is saying an awful lot. I don't think it's ever as good as scrubs, but it has situations that I can more easily identify with, and that is a major factor.

Back to my post.

How I Met Your Mother is correct. Some of the worst decisions I've ever made happened after two AM. These were the crimes of passion. After 2 AM I left the bundle of flowers. After 2 AM, I left the voice message that initiated the downward spiral that effectively ruined one of the best friendships of my life. After 2 AM I officially decided to make the phone call that was preceded by the theft of a hat on a bus (that I just recently was reminded of, by the way).

These decisions and actions resulted in virtual nightmares of pain and sadness. They drove people away. They left me feeling more empty and alone than I have ever felt. They are the original reason I started saying everything will be better in the morning.

And yet, though they were not good, and though they so negatively affected my life, I can't say that I regret them. In the book that I'm writing the true adventure begins after 2 AM.

Heck, in my actual life the stories, the real, forever, honest-to-God STORIES begin after 2.

On Kristi's blog I said that people don't want to hear about calm happiness. I was right. People want to hear about pain, regret, loss, and sadness, because those are the emotions of power. Those are the emotions that bring us all together. Those are the emotions we remember deep, deep down, beyond the Nothing, where darkness travels faster than light and these hands look like such strong hands.

Because I made mistakes after 2 AM, I am who I am today. Some might argue that that isn't a great thing, and there would be a point in that argument, but that just doesn't matter.
I am who I am, and I am glad for it.


P.S. This post itself was written after 2am, and, as such, readers may not hold me liable for the obvious logic gaps and lack of effective prose. Nothing good ever happens after 2 am.

Good times and some discomfort

So I went to Kristi's pre-Marriage party (what else do you call it?). It was more fun than I thought it would be. I was a little worried that the only person I knew there would be Kristi and maybe Julie, and, I mean, those aren't great odds. But it turns out Val, PD, and Kyle were there, so it was all good.

Anyway, as I said, I had a good time, except for about a 3 minute stretch, when the good time turned to weird and awkward (which is one of those neat words whose spelling matches its meaning). This was when I (in my friendly manner) tried to introduce myself to Kristi's soon-to-be sister-in-law Christi.

I know. Weird.

Anyway, I introduced myself, and, as far as I can tell, she got really hostile, really fast. Not "screw you" hostile, but the kind of hostile when a girl who thinks she's about 20 rungs up the ladder from you is pissed because you try to talk to her at a bar.

Anyone with me on that? All of you guys should be nodding your heads at this moment. It's a very terrible moment when you get that "You are the scum that grows under dirt" look. If you're actually out to meet women, it totally wrecks the night. Luckily, I was not.

I don't know. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Maybe she's just like that, or maybe she was tired of dealing with guys like me. She was excruiatingly nice to Joe a couple seconds later, but that might just be because they all know one another now.

Like I said. I don't know. It was really uncomfortable though. Especially because I lack that boundless self-confidence that allows me to shrug those things off.

huh.

Anyway, all the rest of the night was a great time. There was a pretty funny competition among the 3 major couples of the evening (Kristi and beau, his parents, her parents). Kristi, Kyle, Val, and I always slip into instant relaxed communcation. I ate cookies, which I really should never do. And there was a funny picture taken involving a balloon and a surprised Nathan.

Also, I met Stan Finger. I know. THE Stan Finger. Stan the Hand. Remember when I mentioned that I talked to AG, and I used a specific word to describe the odd feeling I got out of that experience? I got the same feeling.

I just wish I could remember the word. It's like "odd," but I'm totally blanking. I only remember that Erin got irritated by it and used the word "explosive." I think it starts with a vowel. Like the word "erratic," but obviously different with a different meaning. It might also sound like "equivical." Or it might sound like none of those.

One thing I am sure of. A is WAY more attractive than Stan the Hand.

Summer School #2

It's on! I talked to the assistant admissions lady, who says everything is fine for me to start in the summer. I talked to the financial aid people, and it looks like everything will work out on that end.

All in all, I'd say things are looking up for Nathan John Thomas B#####!

As long as things work out as predicted, I believe the only thing left to do is consider summer living options. J-rock, what's the news on your end? I figure I can probably either sublet really cheap from somebody, or else help you accelerate your plans. I'm pretty open to whichever plan seems more easily accomplished on your end.

And on that note I'm outy. I'm wicked hungry, and I think I'm gonna try to find breakfast pizza somewhere in the great nation of the Wichita. Also, I need to return a book to the library.

Law School Update: Summer School #1

Hi all.

So for the past few days I've been waiting patiently for an email from the director of admissions at KU Law regarding the possibility of starting in the summer. Up to now I haven't heard back, which has made me a little nervous.

Why no reply? Could Carrie be fighting valiently against the board, arguing my right to start is summer if I so choose? If so, should I write back and say that it isn't a huge issue?

Finally, I called today. Turns out, Carrie (the director of admissions) is on vacation this week. It makes sense, her major recruiting tool of the Law School openhouse happened last week, making this as good a time as any to vacation.

So I talked to a woman who was neither the director nor the assistant director of admissions, but who was very nice and knowledgeable. She said that she couldn't make any decisions about summer program for me, but that odds were in my favor. I guess they've been trying to increase attendance, and my participation would be greatly appreciated.

However, for anything official, I'll have to wait until either tomorrow (when the assistant gets back) or Monday, when Carrie gets back.

Super exciting.

Also, yes, I will indeed be there on Saturday. Have anything specific in mind for me to bring?

a meta-post and the beautiful people club part II

Alright, that's enough of that. While I do enjoy and often prefer politics as a conversation piece, that isn't really the purpose of this blog. As such, let's talk about something near and dear to my heart...

Weird. I'm having problems coming up with something near and dear to my heart that is also funny. Usually when I write a sentence like that some thought always pops up. For example, Diet Grape Soda.

But not right now. As many of you know, I was downsized last week, which means I'm leading a bored life of not doing a whole lot this week. I check my email about 20 times a day, wait to find out if I'll be doing an early summer start at the KU law school, log onto myspace and facebook a depressing number of times, and generally lead a zombie half-life.

Though I have had more energy for my story lately, so that's good.

Anyway, I think I'm so bored that my random, funny, creative gene is starting to misfire and fall into some kind of winter slumber.

Wait. That isn't right. The gene is still working. So far it has already suggested otters, book dust, wind blowing people away, and the dangers of unprotected hand shaking. The trouble is that too many other bits of me keep rejecting these ideas.

Suck.

Oh well. Perhaps later I'll feel a little more energetic. In the meantime, I want to hear any opinions you might have on modern day beautiful people and whether they do or do not have a club. Are you one? If so, your comments would be especially appreciated.

Oh. Also. For a while there I was nearly earning one hours worth of minimum wage per month, but that number has fall drastically, so I ask again that everyone click the google ad near the top of the page to continue to fund the one day party I have.

the Anti-Conservative Republican

Kay wrote the following comment in the comments section, and I thought the discussion deserved a grander stage. So....

Nathan, this is in response to your comment on Katie's blog about why I feel one way politically and vote another. Well, it's very simple. I'm fairly liberal at heart on many things. However, I just feel that politically wise it's better to err on the side of conservation; I don't want a bunch of liberal freaks out there making my laws. I want people who are somewhat conservatively fanatic keeping control of things. They're not always right and they don't always do good but neither do liberals and their crazy liberal ideas scare me.

Ok. I'm gonna say it again, but more explicitly.

To err on the side of "conservation" is to err on the liberal side. To err on the side of "conservativism" is to err on the conservative side.

I acknowledge and accept the rest of your feelings; I just hope you vote accordingly.

Let me explain what I mean by that.

Many people assume that the modern republican is a honest-to-god conservative, when that can be the farthest thing from the truth. A good conservative believes in local government, strong military, education decisions made by parents, and low taxes for all. Essentially, a good conservative wants the federal government to maintain an army and otherwise stay out of everyone's face.

But that is definitely not what a modern republican always stands for. For example, a modern republican who professes that there is reason for violence against judges, or who seeks to legislate our beliefs by forcing prayer in school, or who seeks to reduce taxes on the rich by pushing even harder taxes on the poor is NOT a true conservative.

In fact, such a person, in a sense, is more liberal than a liberal, because this person wants the federal government to over-reach its power, which is the exact opposite of the conservative mantra.

Being a liberal-minded fellow myself, I often don't mind over-reaching federal power, if the good of the people or the world is at stake. It just really irritates me when the people doing it are doing it for their own minority interests.

A nice example of this modern republican ANTI-conservative posturing is that conference that is either happening, will happen, or already did happen called "The War Against Christians."

Now, normally a meeting with this name might be held by anti-christians (e.g. crazy muslims or crazy athiests). However, in this case it is being held by the so-called religious right (i.e. the modern FAKE conservatives).

Now one might wonder who exactly is waging this war against christians. As far as I can tell, christians control every seat of federal power and is pushing an agenda that is doing everything in its power to undermine science, which wouldn't be possible if they were the weak and embattled minority.

In fact, as far as I can tell, the only people waging this war ARE these crazy christians and the demons in their head.

It is a rally convention. It is a place to teach people to fight against those who might be waging war against christians. But who could that be? Could it be the pornographers? Could it be the man standing at the street corner, voicing his opinion? How about those kids who dress funny at college?

Screw it! Let's make it all of them!

I know I'm going a bit overboard with this, but I'm trying to make a point. Warriors (soldiers) are taught to dehumanize the opponent, whoever that might be.

And when an individual is no longer a human, it is ok to be angry that they don't agree with you. It is ok to totally ignore their view point. Heck, it's ok drive them into the dirt if they get in your way.

These people are not the face of conservativism. True conservatives do not want the government telling ANYONE what to do. These religious folk want the government to tell everyone what to do.

So that's my point, Kay. I don't particularly agree with your original goal of erring on the side of conservativism, but I respect it. What I don't respect is voting for people who are out to eliminate religious (or any other kind of) rights, because you think they are less likely to screw up the country than liberals.

As far as I'm concerned, these anti-conservative, religious republicans are the mostly likely group to screw up the country. At least, they make me very nervous.

the beautiful people club

Very little to post today. I just want to say that I find extremely attractive people who are also outgoing frustrating. I've been playing around with this MySpace.com thing, and I've come to the conclusion that there really is a beautiful people club.

Somehow, they are all friends or are very willing to become friends. And meanwhile, the less beautiful people are left scratching their heads, wondering what happened. Maybe it's just that we are less believing that we can befriend anyone we want.

Probably not though.

Here is an example of a recent post on myspace by a beautiful woman to a beautiful man
"youre absolutely gorgeous..
mwah!
-Jessica <3"

Seriously. Just ridiculous.

Moving On

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. Somehow I always find myself having ignored or avoided my blog until late at night, and lately, late at night has found me a tired, cranky old man.

To begin, I'm found of phrases that have to do with time fixing everything. "It'll all be alright in the morning" is a good one. Also, "Wait a week and it won't seem that bad." That one has a lot to do with tests and poor timing.

I firmly believe in this notion. Pain in all its forms is a temporary thing. Sadness, difficult decisions, worries, unpleasantness... all of these may be conquered by chugging along and relaxing just a little bit.

This law school thing seems to fit that mold fairly well. When I began, I was nervous about the whole deal. I'd gotten my LSAT score in, but was REALLY short on time to get the necessary applications out and had no idea if I would get the requisite references from my various professors. However, I continued working at it all, asked the correct questions, put minute amounts of pressure in the proper joints, and otherwise didn't worry about it.

And so we are where we are today. I've been accepted by two law schools and been put on the waiting list for a third. I'm generally happy with all three, though displeased with the monetary situation to some small degree.

As such, I've made a 90% certain decision regarding the future Nathan J Thomas M.S., J.D.

I'm virtually certain that I'll be attending KU law next year with an emphasis in international trade, business, and tax law. If all goes well, I'll be a fine upstanding lawyer in a few years time whose morals aren't too sacrificed (primarily because I believe law defines morals in national discourse). Of course, this means that I think a few laws need to be overturned (e.g. death penalty and stupider california laws), but I digress.

Why KU, you ask? Well, Temple and KU are pretty close together in terms of awesomeness, though Temple is slightly higher, but Temple also happens to be WAY more expensive. To the point that it doesn't seem worth it, especially considering my financial situation post graduation.

Meanwhile, I haven't been accepted into William and Mary yet. Odds are that, while I may or may not ever be accepted, if I am I won't get my fellowship and therefore probably won't be able to afford W&M. I'll agree to remain on the waiting list, just to see, but I've essentially ruled them out.

And so here I am. KU, the only school that didn't waive my application fee, has become numero Uno. And, after everything I saw on friday, I couldn't be happier about it. I like the mildly competitive atmosphere. I like the camraderie. I like the opportunities and possibilities.

Now all I have to do is get it all right. To end up where I want to be, I'm going to have to work my ASS off for the next 3 years. For the first time in my life, I'm going to have to try all the way through. We aren't talking slow improvement over 3 years. I want a 4.0 after the first semester, and I want a 4.0 after the last semester. I want to be a member of and editor for the Kansas Law Review. I want to be involved in a Federal Court Clerk externship. And I want to feel accomplished in everything I do.

It's an odd attitude for me. I wonder if I'll manage to keep it up.

Beyond all that, I only have one goal for the next three years. I want to meet Her. That's right. I want to meet RUTH BADER GINSBERG!

Just kidding. Actually, I would enjoy meeting Ruth Bader Ginsberg, as I like her the most of all the current justices, but that's not who I'm talking about. If the past three years were a hiatus from dating, making sweet love, and finding a general life partner, I want the next three years to be... Um, whatever the opposite of that is.

It may be time to set aside crushes and fear and all those other things that have been so much fun for the past 11 years. It may also be time to stop living on couches and begging for loose change.

How strange it might all be.

a slight, sleepy delay

'k, it turns out I lied a little bit. Its late saturday/ early sunday, but I'm really tired, so I'll talk about my weekend after I wake up.

Um, for the short version: I enjoyed myself, but it was really only so-so. Neither terrible nor awesome. I was very impressed with the Law program at KU, and I also learned the ultimate conversation starter for fellow exported wichitans.

More later.

p.s. Katie, my friday evening was not unhappy, but it also was not very interesting. As such, we split whatever you were thinking of 50/50.