Nerves and Long Distance

You ever get that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, like you don't know what's gonna happen next and you're a little afraid to find out?

I do.

I do.

Sorry, had a little Sixth Sense flashback there. Anyway, this week or next I'm gonna find out the news concerning my number 1 school, William and Mary, and I am very nervous about the whole deal. Of course, there are other things out there up in the air that I'm nervous about, being a generally nervous fellow, but W&M is pretty high on the list.

As such, I've determined that it is time for another episode of HTGBWET! America's favorite made up dating help service!

Today I want to talk to you about long distance relationships. As far as I can tell they either never work, or they are made up of people named Dean and Kay, who seem to have some magical powers that evade the rest of us. I can attest to that. I once watched Kay cut through furry handcuffs using nothing but her diamond-tipped nipples.

It was AMAZING!

Also, if you haven't noticed, Kay is obviously made up of some sort of combination of volcanic and sedamentary materials dating back millions of years. How else can we explain the rock hard abs and diamond tipped nipples?

Back on point. Long distance relationships don't work. People know this. Which is why, when you are trying to get some hot action at a skanky bar, claim to be from out of town. This way, both of you will know that if anything is gonna happen, there'll be no strings attached.

It's like alcohol without the embarrassment and later regret!

Nathan does not claim to have practiced any of these tips, nor does he suggest anyone actually attempt them. Also, he advises keeping a healthy distance away from Kay's nipples on cold days, no matter how drawn one might be by the magical siren song. In addition, Nathan is willing to concede that Kay may well be a very nice girl who is in no way composed of rocks or other forms of heavier carbon compounds, including but not limited to diamond and bucky balls.