A reasoned response

I just posted 4 replies to my own post, then I remembered that I OWN this blog, and, as such, have every right to post the whole thing right here. So here you go.

...Um. Well, I thought I'd put out a reply to this, but it's a bit tricky.

Let me start by saying that, Erin, your first and second paragraphs don't match. In theory, your first paragraph is saying that I could get anyone, because women may be more likely to find me more attractive as they get to know me. But then your second paragraph suggests that I should behave like women are guys and assume that I have to settle, because women won't change for me.

You must imagine my perplexity.

Anyway, Joel is correct. I have never settled. If I've been interested in a girl, dated one, performed S&M with one, etc. etc., it was because she was, as we all seem to agree, beautiful in my eyes.

Allow me to post anonymously the email of another...

"I'm glad you decided to make some changes that you think may be helpful instead of getting sad and depressed (which is what I tend to do-as I'm eating my 2nd sandwich and drinking coke-NOT ALLOWED IN MY CURRENT DIET!). It probably would be good to start showing girls that you like them instead of being the big brother/buddy type guy (as long as you stay my buddy). I have had many guy friends like that (most of my best guy friends have that type of personality but it doesn't affect me cause I am on the inside-family circle) and I always tell them to start showing what they really feel and think. Doing that reflects confidence and that's what people are attracted to I guess."

Sorry, just thought I'd insert that. It's mostly unrelated to my own thoughts, but I figured everyone should be heard on the topic, if they happen to have an opinion.

Um, so where was I? First, I need it to be understood that this whole problem has been far more extensive than a 4 day issue. It's been the story of my life up to this point, it feels like. Certainly, I've had a bit of luck on isolated occasions, but overall my numbers aren't great. And, really, I think it has to do with more than my simple physical make-up. Being overweight doesn't stop everyone. Being unkempt and bearded has actually been a boon to a few.

I think our anonymous poster may be correct. Social circles are created by confidence, arrogance, belief, and a degree of disregard. A certain physical look may be the gateway to those personality characteristics, but said look isn't the whole package. Think of the beautiful people in high school for example. How many of them were ACTUALLY attractive? And how many attractive people were not considered beautiful people? There is a reason for all that.

My theory is that the Petes of the world are actually like me. They are not arrogant. They do not disregard other people. We all probably share a similar degree of confidence. The only difference is that people in bars have come to assume that individuals who LOOK like Pete and his similars are actually in the popular crowd. For a night, it is easy to keep up this facade.

And, really, shouldn't one night be enough? How do nervous men end up with "beautiful" women? They pull the bait and switch. They demonstrate a person they are not and then it's too late. A psychological commitment has been made. In the end it may work and it may not, but it has at least been given a chance.

As such, I stand by my desire to lose my weight and get a bit more muscular. If it works, neat. If not, well, I'll just have to try something else.

One other thing.

Joel, as you may have guessed, all of this could not help my current predicament. In that regard I am stuck and have no answer. As painful and idiotic as it must seem to you, though, I remain optimistic. It may take a month. It may take 3 years. It may take 40. I may have moved on time and again. I may get married. I may get divorced. But through all of that, in the back of my head, there will be a quiet, little man, waiting.

sidenote: KU sent me a letter today letting me know that I now have a scholarship that, if my calculations are correct, should pay about half my tuition, which is neat.