Not the greatest week

Have you ever had one of those weeks?

That's a great sentence. It allows for so many different ideas and perspectives, and it brings us all together, because we've all had one of those weeks.

Let me tell you about mine.

Two days ago I learned that I was going to be downsized on Thursday. In other words, I'm losing my job tomorrow. Now for those who know my situation, this is definitely not the worst thing ever. I'm set on bills for a while, though I'll probably have to curtail eating out. I will still be able to afford all of the things I need to afford for school and such. Plus, this gives me a chance to find a better job.

The thing is, I'm still being downsized. I mean, no matter the light you put on it, that doesn't feel great.

And on top of that my Friday plans have been shot. For quite a while now I was going to go up to KU, attend the admitted Law Students program, watch a class in-session, and generally enjoy the environment. Then, when I was done, I was going to spend a boring but relaxed evening hanging out with my friend Vanja, who you may know as the bosnian babe.

Well, the KU law school thing is still on, but Vanja is out. She has a remarkably good reason that I won't go into, as this isn't her blog, but I think it still sucks. I've been all excited for two weeks, and suddenly it's just turned into a business trip.

Maybe I'll take in a strip show.

On the upside, this means I'll be partying it up in KC on Friday night, which will be pretty cool. It's just that it won't be the same.

Maybe I should calm down for a second. It's still Wednesday. This week still has three more days to turn around significantly and many events are in place that should facilitate this turn-around.

I'll tell you what. Either late saturday night or early sunday, I'll write again. At that time, I'll let you all know how the second half of this week went. In the mean time, I'll be accepting fake wagers in my comments section. Whoever guesses most accurately how the rest of the week goes gets a prize to be determined later.

I will also be accepting suggestions for prizes.

political boredom

Alright, so I broke down and entered a profile into My Space. You can check it out here.

In other news I'm visiting Lawrence this coming Friday to go to the admitted students day at the KU Law school. That should be pretty fun.

But enough about me, let's talk about me. (Kinda like "the queen is dead, long live the queen") But in a less direct route. I've decided that I don't have a cause right now. Most of the major political topics of the moment feel stupid and/or tame.

For example, this whole port-ownership fiasco seems really stupid to me. The workers will be the same. The cargo will be the same. The majority of the managers will be the same. The only real difference is that the profits are going from an British company to a Middle Eastern company.

I mean, it isn't even like the profits are suddenly going overseas. They weren't staying in america in the first place.

If you were looking for a reason to be upset about security in the ports, why not consider that the vast (like, over 90%) majority of containers are not inspected. Items could be smuggled in daily, and no one would ever know.

But no, we all have to pull the idiotic chicken hawk routine again and again, and go after a trivial bush white house action. On the other hand, I guess the populace really digs into this less meaningful stuff, as the numbers really took an extra nose-dive for bush and co. after this and the illegal wire-tapping fiasco popped up. Take what you can get, I guess.

Honestly, I'm not even all that jazzed about the Iraqi civil war. I mean, honestly, will it be much different than anything going on now? I pretty much doubt it. If it didn't hurt our own oil interests so much, I'd be all for splitting up Iraq into 3 geographical regions and give each group the one they want, along with some constitutionally enforced agreement concerning oil rights.

But that would really mess up our chances to get lots of free (or extremely cheap oil), so that isn't gonna happen either.

All in all, I'm just generally feeling jaded and bored with politics. As such, I put it to you, my faithful commenters, to come up with something for me to give a rats ass about. And please don't mention abortion (either side), creationism, guns, or the separation of church and state. None of those is gonna do the job for me.

Dreams and Heroin

So I had one of those dreams last night that was all things bright and beautiful. You know the kind? Where you spend the entire dream feeling almost suprised and gratified that something you'd pretty much relegated to "not happening" suddenly starts happening? And then you wake up and realize that you'd just dreamed all that, that none of it was real, and that odds were against any of it ever being real. And so you feel disappointed.

Times like those are when I start to guess how heroin addicts might feel. For a short time the world is all things wise and wonderful. For a short time you exist in a near euphoric state, where you can barely believe you are as happy as you are.

And then it all comes crashing down.

On the other hand, heroin addicts can always get the dream back, whereas I can't and probably wouldn't intentionally if I could. In the end one must prefer whatever reality you are honestly presented with. To live a dream is to live an empty, meaningless life.

Law Firms

Sometimes its fun to see what the big name law firms are up to, just in case I may end up working for them. Baker Botts is a fine example of this. I hear about the ridiculous amount of money one might earn by working there, and so I naturally get curious about what exactly they do.

So let's think this through. Baker Botts is a law firm centered in Houston, TX that earns viel geld. Any guesses on what they might do or who they might work for?

THAT'S RIGHT! Oil! (Also, Haliburton) Now I don't think it would kill me to work for these folks, as I firmly believe that everyone has a right to equal representation; however, I just don't seem myself working on oil related matters. If I did end up at Baker Botts, I'd have to be put somewhere else, which, as I read the rosters of services provided, doesn't seem impossible.

The law firm that looks the most interesting at the moment, though, is the international law firm of Fullbright and Jaworski. I think I would seriously enjoy brokering deals among international organizations and being forced to make the occasional trip to Munchen.

Of course, for any of that to happen, I'm gonna have to do some good things over the next little while. Some REALLY good things. Like, so good that they would make all the things I've done recently look like nothing. I wish I could be more like those friends of mine who have crazy work ethics.

Also, K-dogg, it is your job to send nice prayers for a friend of mine up in Lawrence who is getting surgery today (friday). Theoretically it is pretty routine, but I'm not above looking to the holy for some intervention, even if most scientific evidence does not support its usefulness in hospitals.

Bedtime for Bonzo - emotional vomit

One last thing, then it's bedtime for bonzo.

HTGBWET tip #241 - If you find yourself wanting to say some things that maybe you mean and maybe you don't to someone, consider writing those things down before hand then waiting a while. It's possible that you'll look at what you wrote and realize that maybe you didn't mean that at all.

This, I understand, is called emotional vomit. It's meaningless, useless hormonal emotion that does not advance the situation and can often be counter productive. Ultimately, it's just the vocalization of short-term feelings, rather than actual ideas and opinions and even the more important long-term feelings.

I read about the notion in an article about how guys really shouldn't open up immediately on a first date. It's better to slowly open the gate that hides who you are, rather than flooding another with your emotional vomit, suggests this article. I happen to agree, though I can't say that I'm the poster-child of the movement. For me it is often all or nothing.

But I'm working on it. And isn't that all we can ask for?

emotional (i.e. stupid) politics

Here's a neat article.

At Emory University, psychologist Drew Westen and his team conducted what they believe is the first study of "the neural basis of any form of political decision making." They did this by using brain imaging to study people as they processed political information during the 2004 campaign.

To rape and pillage fine science with rough paraphrasing, this is what they discovered: When 30 self-described partisans were presented with contradictory quotes about the candidates (President Bush supporting, then denouncing Ken Lay; Sen. John Kerry supporting, then denouncing a Social Security overhaul), it was the portions of the brain that process emotion, not rational thinking, that became active. "The thinking caps went off and the feeling caps went on," is how Westen put it to me.

Normally, Westen says, a brain faced with contradictory information will fire up the zones where reason or rational thought happens. The 30 partisans in this study were presented with contradictory quotes from Bush and Kerry, but also from Hank Aaron, Tom Hanks and the writer William Styron. They processed the information about the non-politicians with the reasoning centers of the brain. It was politics that short-circuited them. ("This is your brain; this is your brain on politics.")

It would be reasonable to ask whether all brains — not just partisan ones — respond to political information emotionally. Westen says the answer is clearly no, that research does demonstrate that centrists or independents are more able to process rational and non-emotional political information.

But Westen's MRIs show that is clearly not the case with political contradictions processed by a partisan brain. That process is almost entirely emotional, heating up regions of the brain that govern things like forgiveness, relief and pleasure. The reasoning zones stayed ice cold.

As far as I can tell, that means that probably everyone who's ever posted on Kristi's website (possibly including myself), has found him or herself reacting in an emotional manner, rather than a thoughtful and logical one. And I mean that in the most literal, most fMRI/brain-scan/whatever-you-want-to-call-it sense.

I wonder how and why that is. One thing is for sure... No crap! I often feel myself doing exactly what this article suggests. When someone says a contradictory political statement to me, I reply almost instantly, which I should perhaps consider as a negative thing. My entire thesis suggested that automatic and emotional responses are TERRIBLE. So why do I still find myself so will to engage in them?

I don't know. Something for all you folks to think about. Maybe the next time you hear a trigger word like abortion, government, liberal, conservative, Bush (heh, bush), Schiavo, death penalty, war, Iraq, Sept. 11, welfare, etc. etc. etc., you should take a step back and think, "Hey, maybe I should consider this again." Or even, "Screw re-thinking it, maybe I'm dead wrong."

Sadly, I just can't see most of us doing that.

Nerves and Long Distance

You ever get that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, like you don't know what's gonna happen next and you're a little afraid to find out?

I do.

I do.

Sorry, had a little Sixth Sense flashback there. Anyway, this week or next I'm gonna find out the news concerning my number 1 school, William and Mary, and I am very nervous about the whole deal. Of course, there are other things out there up in the air that I'm nervous about, being a generally nervous fellow, but W&M is pretty high on the list.

As such, I've determined that it is time for another episode of HTGBWET! America's favorite made up dating help service!

Today I want to talk to you about long distance relationships. As far as I can tell they either never work, or they are made up of people named Dean and Kay, who seem to have some magical powers that evade the rest of us. I can attest to that. I once watched Kay cut through furry handcuffs using nothing but her diamond-tipped nipples.

It was AMAZING!

Also, if you haven't noticed, Kay is obviously made up of some sort of combination of volcanic and sedamentary materials dating back millions of years. How else can we explain the rock hard abs and diamond tipped nipples?

Back on point. Long distance relationships don't work. People know this. Which is why, when you are trying to get some hot action at a skanky bar, claim to be from out of town. This way, both of you will know that if anything is gonna happen, there'll be no strings attached.

It's like alcohol without the embarrassment and later regret!

Nathan does not claim to have practiced any of these tips, nor does he suggest anyone actually attempt them. Also, he advises keeping a healthy distance away from Kay's nipples on cold days, no matter how drawn one might be by the magical siren song. In addition, Nathan is willing to concede that Kay may well be a very nice girl who is in no way composed of rocks or other forms of heavier carbon compounds, including but not limited to diamond and bucky balls.

Chuck Norris?

I like toast.

Also, check out this link and click the "watch movie" button to see the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny.

edit: Some of you may be wondering why I'm providing other people's humor, rather than inserting my own. To you I say, "HEY! IT'S MY BLOG! YOU WANNA FIGHT!?"

So there.

Whose house? Run's house!

Whose house? Say what? Run's house!

Hiya, yo, sup, how ya' doin' my peeps. I don't know 'bout ya'll, but I'm feeling mighty fine.

You might be wondering why, so I'll drop his shnizzy on you. I's a playa!

Hell, ya, beeeotch!

Well, maybe not a player, but it is now conceivable that I have at least a tiny amount of game. Pistol Pete and I went out tonight, because he was in town, and mostly nothing happened.

THEN, we went to IHOP. And here is where things get interesting. We walk in and there is this huge line. But Pete cuts in front of it, theoretically to ask about the wait. Turns out, either legally or illegally, there was a small table for two open in the smoking area, so we sucked it right up. As we walked into the room, a verbal fight was breaking out, and two girls who we sat near were talking about it. So I asked them what was going on.

Then Pete and I turned to our menus, but I sat in such a way as to make talking to the two girls VERY easy. And so, naturally, our two tables would occasionally interact. I eventually decided on the Chicken Fried Chicken, which - SURPRISE SURPRISE - the girl in the table next to me was also getting!

So I asked her about the sides. (Being such an innocent fellow who usually "just gets the breakfast.") Turns out, she says, that she's an expert on IHOP dinners. A while later, I start to complain that I need to go to the little boys room, and I try to explain to Pete what to order if the waitress comes by, but he doesn't get it. SO...

I turn back to our friendly female neighbor and explain that she needs to order for me.

When I get back, I thank her, give her a high five, sit down, wait a little while, then nonchalantly turn around again and ask the two girls how they feel about the empty part of the booth they're sitting in. Then I point out that I feel bad taking up two tables when there is such a long line of people waiting to eat.

Presto chango, Pete and I are sitting by two lovely ladies.

Now, nothing really comes of all this, though we all did have a lovely night, but I'm still feeling pretty danged good about the skills I displayed. After this I might try for something a little more exciting, like a phone number.

Maybe not at IHOP, though.

Why I like March

Happy St. Patrick's day, everybody! Yesterday was a great day of basketball and today should be another. I think it is important to note that there is one thing March Madness does that very few other things can do for this nation - and most of those things are natural distasters - and that is putting together this sense of national union.

There are those who say the college basketball tournament is just a series of games, and I respect that opinion, but must disagree. It may have been that at one time it was just a series of games. Today it is akin to a grail. It is one of the few things that almost everyone in America can agree on, because we all are willing to officially disagree on it.

It is almost the definition of the modern american spirit!

Many people will not be impressed with that notion. Many will not care. To have a bit of light fun, many will be irritated that their reruns were pre-empted by live basketball being played in every part of America at once. I just wish that were not the case. I wish I could somehow interest you all in the miracle that draws this nation together.

Think of it like this. When do the humans get to beat the cylons? How often does David get to beat Goliath? When do hollywood stars have to be in a production with community actors? When have you sat at a table with Tom Cruise or the entire cast of Happy Days?

That's really what this tournament is about. For one day tiny, little Montana University could tangle with the biggest, richest school in New York. Kansas can prove that it is better than every other state in the nation. The world is suddenly forced to pay attention to Peoria, IL and Milwaukee. It's about recognition and respect. It's about loving a person you've never met, even though you consider yourself the most heterosexual individual on earth.

I posted that article link that explains all this so much better than I do, but I thought I'd toss in a few words of my own, just so you might get some idea where so many people are coming from.

Oh, and I got a cool, green jacket-type thing yesterday, which leads me to believe that Mossimo is my officially favorite clothing brand. Everything I've ever purchased from that brand has fit better and looked better than anything almost anything else.

Ignored

Seriously folks, I'm feeling pretty ignored here. The post that attracts the most comments is one sponsored by Joel's initial comment? Your job is to preen my ego by making thoughtful contributions to my thoughts!

Or at least make funny and probably dirty minded jokes!

Actually, the reason I'm feeling ignored right now has an entirely different cause, but I'll get into that another time. Y'all take care now, y'hear?

America's Tournament

For an awesome article about America's Tournament (aka March Madness), visit the following..

link

It's SWEET, though I'm sad that I've never been to the bar in Butte, MT, even if I have been to Butte multiple times (hint, don't drink the water).

some meandering thoughts

Lately I've felt like I just have so many things to say on this thing. Maybe after a bit it'll all die down. Maybe not. Anyway, here's some more.

I didn't realize that I hadn't concluded my post from a few days ago. Yes, I've joined the Y. Yes, it's the same Y as Erin is in, as we discovered today. Yes, I'm developing mighty muscles and will soon be able to join the beautiful people club. And, yes, I am using the butt work-out machine. Why? you ask. Simple. I am the inheritor of the infamous plumber butt disease. My hope is that if I develop butt muscles, maybe my pants will stay up better.

Any of you who know how these things work may feel free to chime in on this.

I don't like it when people pick Duke and Uconn in the championship game. It's totally boring. C'mon people! Be adventure-some!

I was crazy sick yesterday. I came home, went to sleep at 6, woke up at 9, went to sleep at 9:30, woke up at 3:30, went to sleep again, woke up at 6am. That's right. 12 hours of sleep. In a sense. It was awesome. Except for the part where I had no idea what was going on. But I was feeling pretty good at six.

Speaking of 6am and the Y, I think I might start going there at 6am to do the morning swimming thing. Probably not, at least not until I figure out where my swimming trunks are, but I will definitely consider it.

In yet other (less explicit) news, I think I may have been coming off as weird and needy lately, so I think I'm gonna back of for a while. I've been told it's important to do that. If you have any idea what this paragraph is about, I give you props.

Um. And I think that's it. Since I last talked about it, I haven't got much done on my story. Nevertheless, I have high hopes. Also, I think when I'm done, I gonna go back through and simplify as many sentences as possible. Sometimes I'm writing to a high school reading level, when I should only be writing for 6-8th graders.

March Madness

As a courtesy to your friendly neighborhood Joel, I've decided to include his comment on a main post. I'm participating, which means you should too.

Joel Says:
Hey, I started a bracket group on ESPN.com.

Here's the link: http://games.espn.go.com/tcmen/group?groupID=107033&password=bucknell

the group name is: Joel's group
the password is: bucknell

Everyone go and fill out a bracket and get your ass kicked by me. You have to sign up with ESPN first, but that's easy and quick and just like the million other things you have to register for. I'm trying to get as many people as I know to enter, so invite anyone you want as long as they're not pieces of crap.

I'll drop this on some other blogs too much to get the word out.

Back to Nathan:
Alright, so join up. It should be a good time. Of course, I picked A TOTALLY homer bracket, but I'm not an impassive sports writer, so it's ok.

Thinner!

In the post below I talk about basketball and weight loss. Read that. It's good. This post is just for my own vanity.

Here I am on Jan 3, 2006















Now let's look at me today, 2 and 1/2 months later on March 12, 2006














Note, if you will, the position of the end of my belly in relation to the end of the arm rest. That's right. I truly am a sexy beast.

Anyone who wants to touch me can form a line; I am open to all.

Five Things: Basketball and Weight Loss

Couple things.

First, sometimes I have no idea who leaves me comments on this blog, but I appreciate the feedback. Keep that up. Concerning Temple, I agree. If they don't give me WAY more scholarship action, I think I'm gonna nix'em.

Second, I would like to take this time to thank Texas for proving me and my statistical analysis correct. I should also take this time to acknowledge KU, who is remarkably good at learning from losses this year.

Third, I was rooting for Bradley all the way up until 5:30 today. Now I've stopped rooting for Bradley.

Fourth, look for the A&M over Syracuse 5 vs 12 upset on thursday. And, if that doesn't happen, Utah State over Washington. Look for zero protest-related shooting deaths at Kent State this week, as well. I can virtually guarantee zero protest-related shooting deaths.

At least, this week.

Fifth... I've got nothing for fifth. I didn't do very well on my diet this week and went up 2 lbs. I feel sad. Remember, as I said before, if you wanna get babes without trying, don't become thin, already BE thin. So now I'm gonna start working hard again.

Five Things

Hmm. It's been a long day. There are many things I could talk about, but very few things worth talking about. This puts me in an odd predicament. Do I want to discuss at length in a mediocre post, or do I want to find those tiny nuggets of thought from within the slough?

Let's try for the second.

1. If I haven't mentioned it already, I've been accepted by Temple and KU so far.
Cost:
KU: 12 - 18k per year
Temple 44k per year

Ultimate average starting income:
KU: 45-55k per year
Temple 65-85k per year

Difficult decision.

You see the issue? Maybe william and mary will come along and fix this whole problem for me. Or maybe another complication will arise that will make me REALLY happy, but will change everything... Unlikely.

2. Women are more beautiful when they are intelligent. Also, when they don't smoke.

3. I believe I'm down to my last 15 to 20 pages of story, plus or minus an epilogue that I haven't decided on. I'm pretty pumped.

4. Look for flowers in a week in a half to continue my 3 year scheme that I've devised that is guaranteed to leave me in tears, because I over-think things and am not confident do everything the way I probably should. A Tale of Two Cities will be nothing compared to this. There are those of you who might know what I'm talking about.

5. I'm tired. G'night.

YMCA

So I'm doing a fairly nice job on the dieting/ weight loss side of my life, but now I believe it is to time to take care of the other side of getting healthy: being active and developing big, manly muscles.

To that effect, I think I'm gonna join the YMCA today. It seems like a nice day for joining a gym. Hopefully I'll find some racquetball friends. My official plan is to get off work every day and head over to the Y, where I'll do a bit of exercise, then head home.

The plan feels fool-proof. Ordinarily there might be days where I could feel too lazy to go to the gym, but if I'm already in town, that shouldn't be an issue.

Anyway, wish me luck. Also, keep clicking above. You guys are doing a great job. I've NEARLY earned 1 hours worth of minimum wage! And it only took 2 months!

Bored

I am so bored! It's thursday night, technically my Friday, and I've done nothing fun and exciting all day long.

And yet, I'm feeling remarkably lazy.

Go figure.

Syracuse?

Being an ardant KU fan of the past 7 or so years, I never thought I'd say this, but way to go Syracuse. Awesome game! Also (and this really stings) props to MacNamara.

no story?

Hey everyone. It's wednesday, but that doesn't mean anything any more. Remember, if you still want to read chapters of my story, just email me and I'll get them to you. If not, I hope you had a fun ride up to this point.

Oh, and I want to thank the 3 people that clicked my ad link in the past two days. Thanks to your generous contributions, I've earned another 40 cents!

Examining a bush

The following story is told in the 3rd person limited-omniscent, because it seems most likely to be funniest that way. Also, most of it is made up, but some parts are vaguely true.... Oh, and if you don't think it's funny, you can go suck it. It turns out I'm not that good at telling jokes in the third person. Now piss off. Or, uh, maybe just read this story.


Pete didn't know exactly what caused it, but he knew that it was real. Perhaps it was the chill night air of the Plaza. Maybe it had been that 6th drink. Or, he supposed, it could have been the creepy chick with the vibrator who kept trying to dance with him.

Regardless, he had to piss like a race horse. It was perhaps 20 minutes to Joel's house, but 20 minutes can seem like an eternity when you think you might explode from every direction at once. Plus, that would show those arrogant Plaza bastards! Let's see how much pride they have in their Gap with newly tinted yellow windows.

Joel didn't think it was a good idea, Lacey wasn't saying anything, and Felix was too far behind to provide any reasoning.

"C'mon, man. This is NOT the place for that kind of thing," Joel said, only slightly slurred.

"No! No, I'm gonna do it! I'll just aim at this bush here." Pete gestured to the potted plant in the middle of the well traveled sidewalk.

"Suit yourself," Joel said, knowing that sometimes arguments stop working, "but isn't that a potted plant?"

Pete did not hear him, so he climbed into the passenger seat of his car, and Lacey climbed into the driver's seat. Ordinarily, Pete would have been very grateful for Lacey, but he had other things on his mind.

After a moment of careful adjustment, Pete relaxed, sighed contentedly, and began to whistle. At that moment, two very different creatures came around the corners of the block.

Felix was at the south corner. As far as he could tell, Pete seemed to be looking at him funny. Felix looked down at his shirt, worried that some drink had been spilled on him again, but he didn't see anything.

Around the north corner came a white SUV. Pete thought it was a taxi. Taxis have those lights on top like that, right? Pete thought to himself.

Yes, said the omniscent narrator. A taxi is one example of a car with lights on the top....

"Pete!" Joel screamed under his breath, interrupting the narrator. "Get in the freaking car!"

Felix, not noticing any of this, was still uncertain why Pete was giving him such a strange grin. "Um. Heya, Pete," he said. Sadly, his call was to go unrewarded.

Felix watched as Pete performed a strange sort of shuffly, jumpy, shoulder-shrugging maneuver behind the bush. Isn't that a potted plant? thought Felix. Then, without saying a word, Pete turned around.

At that moment, Felix noticed the SUV that looked a little like a taxi, but mostly looked like a security guard.

Oh.

Pete began to skip north, the direction away from where the SUV was heading. Felix, deciding that tonight was not the night to get involved in these things, hopped in the back seat of Joel's car.

The SUV pulled a U-ee.

6 seconds later, so did Pete, who started to walk/run faster. 5 seconds after that, the SUV pulled another one. "Like tennis," said Felix, under his breath.

This time, however, Pete decided he was caught. The SUV pulled up next to him as he slowed down. "Oh sh*t," said Joel.

Well, luckily for us all, Pete didn't get a ticket or go to prison. Turns out the SUV was more rent-a-cop than cop, and the man in the SUV just suggested that he get a taxi ASAP. Pete explained that he was just looking at a bush. The "cop" paused, then said, "Wait, isn't that a potted plant?"

Needless to say, when the conversation ended, Pete agreed to get a taxi as soon as possible, then, when Mr. SUV drove away, he hopped in the back seat of Joel's car.

As the four friends drove away, the adventure was replayed many times in word and thought, and everyone felt pretty much like a hero. About 20 minutes later, the four ended up at the drive-thru at McDonalds.

Pete hopped out of the car. "I have to piss again," he said.

"Dammit," thought Joel and Felix, simultaneously. "Where are you gonna go now?" asked Felix.

"Behind that bush," said Pete, who hurried away after indicating the well lighted shrub in the middle of the McDonald's parking lot.

Felix and Lacey shared a glance. Bush? they were thinking. Isn't that a potted plant?

Around the corner, a vehicle that could be confused with a taxi revved its engines.

The End

A return to things to come

Wow. So I've been posting an awful lot lately. I think I'm gonna make a commitment now. At least for a while I'm going to avoid worrying about how relationships work, why I don't get more lovin', and all those other things, and instead go back to what I do best:

Make up facts and demonstrate exactly why I am the coolest cat in a town of frozen tabbies.

To that effect, it is time for a new HTGBWET:

#342: Become an accomplished man of the sea, bleach your hair blondish, and establish a sort of jamaican accent. Learn to conga and tango, and maybe swing. Obtain a limitless bank account with which you are able to eat shellfish at least once a day.

Then give it up all to work with sick children in Bahraine.

When you come home, after you've taken a shower, you are guaranteed to be at least a mild babe magnet.

Also, learning a few romance languages couldn't hurt. And maybe a north african one, because that would be neat.

Um... in addition to all that, I once again ask that everyone click the google ad above. Last week was pretty good. I earned almost 21 cents! But so-far this week it's all still a goose egg.

a challenge, some links, and sports

To begin, I suggest going down one post, if you don't care about college basketball. Down one post is a nice blurb on my theories about starting relationships and social status.

Also, if you can correctly guess who the girl in those pictures I posted is, I'll give you a half-penny's worth of applause. And that's something you can take to the bank!

Now, if you do care about basketball, I've decided to back up my ascertation that Texas is better at home than on the road, because it is, by God, true, no matter if I am or am not a KU fan. The only thing that my status changes is the fact that I care about it.

So let's look at some really simple statistics, based exclusively within the Big 12 season.

1st: Texas has lost 3 times. All 3 losses were road games.

2nd: Texas's average margin of victory at home is 25 points. On the road, their margin of victory is 4.

3rd: Even if we discount the losses from the statistics, average road margin of victory is 15, still well below 25.

4th: On average they score 17 more points at home than on the road.

5th: They allow three fewer points at home than on the road.

What is the conclusion we might all draw from these statistics? Texas is BETTER AT HOME!

A reasoned response

I just posted 4 replies to my own post, then I remembered that I OWN this blog, and, as such, have every right to post the whole thing right here. So here you go.

...Um. Well, I thought I'd put out a reply to this, but it's a bit tricky.

Let me start by saying that, Erin, your first and second paragraphs don't match. In theory, your first paragraph is saying that I could get anyone, because women may be more likely to find me more attractive as they get to know me. But then your second paragraph suggests that I should behave like women are guys and assume that I have to settle, because women won't change for me.

You must imagine my perplexity.

Anyway, Joel is correct. I have never settled. If I've been interested in a girl, dated one, performed S&M with one, etc. etc., it was because she was, as we all seem to agree, beautiful in my eyes.

Allow me to post anonymously the email of another...

"I'm glad you decided to make some changes that you think may be helpful instead of getting sad and depressed (which is what I tend to do-as I'm eating my 2nd sandwich and drinking coke-NOT ALLOWED IN MY CURRENT DIET!). It probably would be good to start showing girls that you like them instead of being the big brother/buddy type guy (as long as you stay my buddy). I have had many guy friends like that (most of my best guy friends have that type of personality but it doesn't affect me cause I am on the inside-family circle) and I always tell them to start showing what they really feel and think. Doing that reflects confidence and that's what people are attracted to I guess."

Sorry, just thought I'd insert that. It's mostly unrelated to my own thoughts, but I figured everyone should be heard on the topic, if they happen to have an opinion.

Um, so where was I? First, I need it to be understood that this whole problem has been far more extensive than a 4 day issue. It's been the story of my life up to this point, it feels like. Certainly, I've had a bit of luck on isolated occasions, but overall my numbers aren't great. And, really, I think it has to do with more than my simple physical make-up. Being overweight doesn't stop everyone. Being unkempt and bearded has actually been a boon to a few.

I think our anonymous poster may be correct. Social circles are created by confidence, arrogance, belief, and a degree of disregard. A certain physical look may be the gateway to those personality characteristics, but said look isn't the whole package. Think of the beautiful people in high school for example. How many of them were ACTUALLY attractive? And how many attractive people were not considered beautiful people? There is a reason for all that.

My theory is that the Petes of the world are actually like me. They are not arrogant. They do not disregard other people. We all probably share a similar degree of confidence. The only difference is that people in bars have come to assume that individuals who LOOK like Pete and his similars are actually in the popular crowd. For a night, it is easy to keep up this facade.

And, really, shouldn't one night be enough? How do nervous men end up with "beautiful" women? They pull the bait and switch. They demonstrate a person they are not and then it's too late. A psychological commitment has been made. In the end it may work and it may not, but it has at least been given a chance.

As such, I stand by my desire to lose my weight and get a bit more muscular. If it works, neat. If not, well, I'll just have to try something else.

One other thing.

Joel, as you may have guessed, all of this could not help my current predicament. In that regard I am stuck and have no answer. As painful and idiotic as it must seem to you, though, I remain optimistic. It may take a month. It may take 3 years. It may take 40. I may have moved on time and again. I may get married. I may get divorced. But through all of that, in the back of my head, there will be a quiet, little man, waiting.

sidenote: KU sent me a letter today letting me know that I now have a scholarship that, if my calculations are correct, should pay about half my tuition, which is neat.

A quick edit

Concerning the adventuresome story about Pete. Don't think it is negative. Pete wanted me to write up a story about our night on the plaza. I'll get to it. I'm just a little lazy.

The Odd Man Out

I realized something terrible today. I've actually realized it numerous times before, but it makes me unhappy every time.

I'm the brother. That's my role. That's how pretty much all women see me.

The enclosed text is part of an email I wrote earlier, expressing my late-night sleepy feelings about an important subject: me.

So it's pretty late. When it's late, I tend to get in a reflective mood. Tonight (this morning) I would like to express my irritation that my buddy pete is a really, really nice guy with not a lot of self-esteem who also happens to be a very attractive fellow.

Now, the problem I have with this is that he's essentially got exactly the same bar resume as me. He's the "nice guy who every likes at the end of the night." And I'm very happy for him about this. It's just that I ALSO am the nice guy who everyone likes at the end of the night.

Except I am an awful lot rounder and less attractive than Pete.

Ordinarily I would resolve this issue by, of course, beating pete up, using my giant muscles and stuff, but I just wouldn't feel right about that. Pete is a good guy. He does not deserve to be beat up.

(Also, I'm actually a very nervous person who is as afraid of hitting people as of being hit!)

And I guess that's it. That's my rant. It may not be my best, because I only added one or two jokes at most, but what're you gonna do at this time of night?

The best question a person can ask one's self when faced with a situation like this is, "What are you going to do about it?"

And, I suppose for once, I have an answer for that. I'm going to have to keep doing what I've been doing. I'm tired of being the friend, the buddy, the surrogate brother, the nice guy with the keys, and all of those other things that make me uniquely myself and sad and alone at 5am. I'm going to have to stick to this diet. I going to have to lose this weight. Then I'm going to have to get mildly muscley.

And then, maybe, I'll get somewhere.

You know, a few weeks ago when I told you I was going on this diet, you asked me why, then decided it was so I could be a healthier person with less risk of heart disease and other things like that, but in all honesty that isn't the case.

I have great genes. I am the son of generations and generations of overweight people who lived til they were 80 and 90. I'm losing this weight because I don't want to be the third wheel, the driver, the cabbie, the odd man out, or any of those other words that mean the guy who sits alone at the bar.

p.s. speaking of which, my next entry will be a story about the talented Pistol Pete. I anticipate that it should be very adventure-some

Nothing Special

On the other hand, I had a pretty nice time last night.


As did, I'm guessing a few other people!

about law schools and over-reacting

This first segment is in response to questions received concerning my acceptance into KU:

I would not say that KU is my first choice, but I would definitely be happy to go there. To be honest, my first choice depends a lot on factors other than the actual merit of the school itself.

For example, my first choice would be William and Mary school of Law in virginia, but only if I get a research fellowship there. KU would be my first choice if certain key things happened that I anticipate will not happen now or ever. Temple would be my first choice if W&M didn't accept me and none of those other things happened.

See? And now what if various factors did end up happening? There are simply too many possibilities to accurately predict what's going to happen over the next month and 1/2.

So this is all a wait and see sort of thing. I guess we'll all know more by April 15ish.

In other news:

So, for fear that too many people are reading this blog, I'm going to keep the following thoughts intentionally really vague.

Women-type friends, do you often misinterpret when a guy either is or is not flirting with you? Especially if you've got a thing for said guy? I find that men in my general social class do this all the time. If I were interested in doing wonderful and naughty things with a particular woman, I would instantly start looking for any kind of sign that she might be interested.

This leads to an awful lot of misunderstandings, because, at least in my experience, I have never correctly determined a sign of flirting. Never. In my whole life. At least, that I know of.

I spend great deals of my time contemplating the slightest unusual turn of phrase or minor increase in conversation frequency. All of it gets me so psyched up that I automatically start assuming that the woman in question is in to me.

Luckily, I'm a huge coward. So I wait a few days, continue reading the signs and discover that the girl was probably just less busy/ in a good mood/ bored/ etc. And I just happened to be a handy person to talk to.

And so my slightly cynical HTGBWET tip of the day is this: She isn't flirting with you. Don't ever assume she is. You may act, but you must never assume you are reacting. And don't reach for the stars. Stars are really just points of light that happened a thousand years ago.

They are, essentially, illusions. And in the end illusions never make you feel good.

Newton!

Two more chapters up. I'm thinking that these might be the last ones I officially publish online. Until I get turned down by a few publishing houses, I'd like to have the option of actually publishing this story as a book at some point. (actually a trilogy, but who's counting?)

Anyway, feel free to give me your thoughts on that one. Also, for those really involved in the story, just let me know and I'll continuing emailing chapters to you on wednesday.

Chapter 10 - Newton

Chapter 11 - The Refugees

The whole thing