Bureaucracy

So it seems like every time I try to do something, get something accomplished, earn money, become a better person, interact with foreign dictators, etc. I get caught and stopped cold by the man. In this case, I am referring to bureaurcratic instigators from hell. Specifically, I'm refering to the grad dept. at MSU and the state of kansas emergency substitute program. I haven't talked about MSU yet and don't intend to until AFTER I officially get my degree. Too many things can "accidentally" happen by someone reading this blog for me to slip up now. However, I'm totally willing to talk about the substitute thing that will be sending me to the police station, because I have to acknowledge that it is partially my fault and because I think it's a good idea.

I am a guy infamously known for being late. You need to know this first.

Anyway, today I went to the district office in the hopes of becoming a substitute teacher, so that I could buy gifts for starving orphans for christmas: gifts like a can opener, so they can actually eat the food in the donated cans; gifts like a certain stipend of electricity, so they can play all those cool xbox 360 games they have; and gifts like newer shoe polish, so they can better buff shoes in the street.

Simple things.

So I got there and the lady asked me if I had my license. I thought, this is going to be too easy. Of course I have my license. How else could I have gotten here! So I give her my drivers license and social security card. And she stares at me. And I stare back. This lasts for a few seconds. Then she says, "and your license?"

Now I'm stuck for a moment. I had already handed her my license. I was suddenly very worried. I say nothing. What kind of strange game were we playing?

She blinks. "Your state of kansas license?"

I'm not sure what to do now. My state of KS license is literally resting in her hand. We are both looking it! I start to perspire, though this may be because of the huge coat I'm wearing. It is warm in the office, but freezing and snowing outside.

"It's," I pause, then continue, "It's right there." And I gesture at her hand.

She crinkles her eyebrows for a moment, closes her eyes, and says, "I mean your license to be a substitute teacher."

Long story short, I have to go to the police station to get finger printed so that the state can run a background check on me at the cost of $45 plus what could be an 8 weeks waiting period, just so I can substitute teach. I really do think this is a good idea, thoug. I am generally opposed to criminals, child molesters, and rapists acting as substitute teachers for the day.

Anyway, now I have to come up with $45 and hope that I can teach at least a few days before Xmas and the pay period. Otherwise, I'm going to have to borrow money from Selena, which I hate doing. But don't hate that much. Also, I still have to pay for applications to school.

Balls.

And now, for the moment's HTGBWET: Don't be a penniless bum during the christmas season while living at your mom's house.