REJECTED!!

Hi folks. To begin I would suggest making all new comments on this particular post that I am writing right now, so we don't have to miss the good times by accident.

Now then...

I saw my nephew sing in the colwich K-3 concert today. It was VERY cute. He kept looking around for us, so we waved at him. When he saw us wave, he got extremely embarrased and wouldn't look directly at us the rest of the time he was on stage. He would, naturally, shoot us glances to make sure we were still there/listening. Hopefully this taught us stupid grown ups a lesson!

Have I mentioned how awesome kids are?

I got my first job rejection today. To keep my pride levels extremely high, and to see if I can get humor out of it, I've decided to disect the message here.

It starts nice and personal:

"Dear Applicant:"

Doesn't that give you a warm glow of love?

"Thank you for your interest in the Eligibility Clerk position at Delta Dental of Kansas."

That sentence tells me they care about me, and my desire to be their Eligibility Clerk.

"There were a number of individuals who expressed interest in this position."

This sentence tells me their happiness was limited, because they didn't like to work. It also tells me that we are about to lead into...

"While you have some very valuable experience, we have selected another candidate to fill this position."

This sentence tells me that they "decided to go another way." Normally, at this time, I would be sending them a letter thanking them, and telling them I'd be in the office first thing next monday morning. Possibly in spandex. I would do that, but luckily the next sentence was bright and cheery and probably specifically tested on people in a study attempting to determine the perfect follow-up to "we aren't hiring you."

"We certainly appreciate your interest in Delta Dental of Kansas as an employer, and encourage you to keep us in mind in the future, should an opportunity arise."

Truly brilliant. And almost certainly more effective than "Please leave us alone now, and don't visit our offices wearing spandex and waving an uzi around."

Finally, we get to the closing sentence. It's my favorite, because it's a sentence designed to let you know that, while they would like to give me false hope, they are still shutting the door forever in my face.

"Again, thanks for your interest and best regards as you pursue other career opportunities."

And now, for the coup de grace. Who is sending this message? Surely it must be the director of human resources, no? Wait for it...

"Sincerely,

Laura Picking on behalf of

Amy Ellison

Director, Human Resources"

BAMMM!!!! Truly, a master stroke. Oh, and if you were wondering who Laura Picking is...

"Laura Picking

Human Resources Assistant

Delta Dental of KS"

She is the woman whose job I actually want. Good times.