A Rant

I feel like I need to write something here, but nothing really happened today worth mentioning. As such, I've decided to take this time to explain why guys do certain things at certain points in their lives that they end up regretting for at least a year, but eventually get over, etc. Um. Anyway, this is probably going to be a rant. Be aware of this.

I am speaking, of course, of saying "I love you" at in-opportune times. The explanation for this is really very simple. Men (and by men I mean the vast majority of men who, unlike Dean with his massive pectorals and other body parts, are not players) are stupid. Specifically, we lack the ability to understand social timing. Sometimes this is forgivable, like when you have massive pectorals and other body parts. Other times, it just makes you look like a huge ass who either rushed into things too fast or took way to long to say exactly what you feel, and in the end probably skipped a number of very important steps to get there.

Have I lost anyone yet?

The reason I'm going into this subject is due, directly, from having seen a bit of King of Queens today. Now, I rarely watch that show, so whenever I see it, I instantly think "Hey! That's the chick from Gabriel Knight, the old man from Seinfeld, and the guy from Hitch!" This last one is what popped into my head today.

Hitch is the perfect example of the kind of movie that I both love and hate (also 40 year old virgin). It's that movie that makes everything seem much worse than it actually is, but then gives you a great deal of hope for the future... Possibly involving hot blonde heiresses who will learn to love you for your cute ways and lack of suaveness.

Now I approve of feel good movies like this, but I have to admit that I probably have spent way too much of my life looking to these kinds of movies for pointers on how to deal with real life issues. Ultimately, stories don't work out like they do in these movies.

How do people get together in real life? Simple. Become mild friends, not too close, not too far. Mutual attraction is useful here, but not totally required. Go out to some bar or party and get totally sloshed. It helps if everyone involved is pretty wasted. Wake up in bed together the next day. Get married 3 years later.

Mind you, various parts of this equation can change, but many of the key components must remain in place.

Now let us return to your garden variety guy. The difference between him and someone who is married is that the garden variety male DID NOT FOLLOW the plan I just outlined. Instead, he tried doing things like they do in the movies.

Idiot. Hitch was fictitious.

On the other hand, fictitious is a funny looking word.