An odd apology

Hi folks, for a few seconds I'm going to put joking aside and get serious. I had a dream last night that really shook me up. In this dream I was selfish and hurt someone. But it was worse than that. I was selfish in a way that I specifically abhor, and the person I hurt was and is more important to me than just about anyone else I've ever known. I'm going to leave out names and actions, so feel free to make guesses or not.

By the end of the dream, when it finally struck me just how terrible I had been, I saw myself leaving this bar/hotel/tri-level kind of building. It looked a bit like the Library at KU (is that still called the Library?), but was set in an Andale that does not exist. It was a smoggy, machine-ridden, rainy, and horrifying Andale. As I left, I turned onto the sidewalk and began to run, into the rain, into the dark, into the smog.

Even now, this evening, I still feel the guilt and shame of some imaginary act that tarnished far too many things in my life, and I don't know what to do about it. It's the most bizarre feeling in the world. A bit, I suppose, like that sense of fear you have for the entire day after a nightmare.

And now I don't know what to do. I hate this feeling, but it isn't as if I can apologize for something I didn't do. Besides, even if I did apologize, I think it would just creep out all parties involved.

Sounds pretty dumb, huh? Sounds dumb to me, too, but it's still there.

Well, I'm sure it'll go away given time. I just need a break from thinking about it.

However, if anyone out there feels like I owe you an apology based upon little more than a dream, here it is. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the fool I was, and the ass I became. I'm sorry for thinking about me and for ruining something that should never have been ruined. I know that will never be enough, but it's all I can do.

Alright, now that that weirdness is over with, let's talk about something else.