A private dancer, a dancer for money

I just realized I haven't talked about getting babes in a few days and now deem it necessary to rectify that issue. Specifically, I would like to talk about exotic dancers.

Now a lot of times in the past few weeks people have asked me, "Nathan, how can I got about getting a date with a stripper without even trying?"

After giving these individuals a hearty bitch-slap and explaining that the word is "exotic dancer" I give some very helpful advice. "Bring at least $2,000 to the club she is working at," I say.

This is a sign you are powerful and wealthy.

"Develop a scar on your lip that you can make a joke about, then explain it really came from falling off your bicycle when you were ten."

This establishes vulnerability.

"Then, using the Republican Guard you hired off the streets who are fiercely loyal to you and your military regime, threaten to burn down the bar and kill her entire family if she does not go out with you on a date sometime." It helps at this point to have total control of the local and federal government.

This is the more simple solution, and the one I personally recommend. The alternative is already having a girlfriend and then finding out she is a stripper, or pushing your current girlfriend into becoming one. Both of these are luck of the draw suggestions though. You'll never know if they are going to work. Also, sometimes the second suggestion backfires.

"Honey, I love you," she says.

"And I love you," you reply. "You are so beautiful. In fact, you are so beautiful, I think you should become a stripper, or exotic dancer."

I know this sounds crazy, but some women respond negatively to this statement. Even after you try to explain that you don't think she should be a whore or anything. I blame it on society, which is even more reason to go with my suggestion. What better way to change society than to control the local and federal government with a dictatorial regime? I'm telling you. It's a guarantee.

On the other hand, you could just give up the notion of dating an exotic dancer, but that is your prerogative.