I feel that it is necessary to address the issue of women falling for the more male assholes in the world.
In a sense, I absolutely believe this is true, but not for the reason that anyone probably thinks.
Let's start with a few statistics. Or, at the very least, at least one statistic. By the time their college tenure has ended approximately 60% of women have had sex. Meanwhile only about 35% of men have done likewise.
Why do you suppose this is? Is it because men are more pure, chaste, and holy than women? HELL NO! Sadly, because of the nature of the study, we cannot determine an actual reason for this disparity, but I have what I think is a pretty good guess.
I'd like to call it the manwhore theory, but that wouldn't exactly be correct. As far as I am concerned, in this case there are only two kinds of men. Direct men and sheepish men. Alpha and beta males. The ballsy and the ballsfree. If we return to my previous post on the matter, we shall see that there is, in fact, a method by which people hook up. Regrettably, the ballsfree men don't know that. They've been suckered by movies and fiction. They've been led to believe, totally falsely, that, in order to get together with a particular girl, they need to present within themselves all that that woman desires.
Conversely, if they discover that another male has gotten with a girl, they then attempt to figure out exactly what qualities that male had that allowed him to get together with her.
The answer to that line of inquiry is almost always the same. He's an asshole. This, ladies, is the absolute truth. Except with Dean, who is, as you shall see in the link, the man and who has massive pectorals and other parts. For the most part, though, these guys who are so good at getting with the ladies are assholes.
See, they were able to figure out that magical formula way before most guys, because they didn't give two shits about being rejected. Also, assholes tended to drink a lot more in high school, giving them an experience in picking up women edge. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, assholes are aggressive. I don't mean violent. I mean aggressive. They will pursue and not sit back and try to learn by watching.
Lord, how i hate them. Except a few who are pretty fun guys.
And so, males and females alike, do not dispair. We live in the age of the fruitbat. Times are changing. People are learning. Ladies, don't feel frustrated because you always fall for the cockheads of the world. It isn't that you draw them. It's that the good ones haven't figured out the rules to approaching you yet. And men, I know it's more fun and easier to be pissed off, but get your shit together! Women aren't falling for assholes because they LIKE assholes. They're falling for assholes because assholes are the only available options.
Tomorrow (or maybe later tonight): The art of releasing the fish back into the stream. Know it. Learn it. Love it.
Disclaimer: I remain in that unfortunate category of men called the ballsfree. As such, all advice is based upon zero experience. As I don't have much in the way of expendable cash at the moment, my odds of moving into the other category are low. Nevertheless, I'm almost certain that I am correct. If any beautiful, wealthy young women out there are reading this right now, feel free to post a comment about your obvious desire to move me a few categories up in the world. Trust me. There is no shame in that.
Further Disclaimer: One should not assume that all my tales of sexcapades with kay (see here, here, here, and here) are entirely fictional based upon the previous disclaimer, even if they are.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Sunday, January 29, 2006
laxities
A valid point has been made that I feel I must address. For today's HTGBWET I'm going to go with an old classic. Become extraodinarily wealthy, own a castle, have a bust made of you that accents your better features, at first appear to be cruel and unpleasant, but then reveal that you are, in fact, a wonderful person who would do anything for a friend or the woman you love.
If you do all this, many people might label you a wealthy, if eccentric, wuss, but it is a guaranteed way, apparantly, to make babies with Kiera Knightley.
Or you could just be a bounty hunter. That's fun too.
If you do all this, many people might label you a wealthy, if eccentric, wuss, but it is a guaranteed way, apparantly, to make babies with Kiera Knightley.
Or you could just be a bounty hunter. That's fun too.
My name is Wilt Dean Allen Naismith
Recently, on a KU message board, I came across the following post, explaining why a poster thought that Aaron Miles was the 3rd worst point guard in KU history.
i personally have played against miles, hienrich, my boy is adonis jordon we hung out in la, and in vegas,,and played,,I also played with vaughn...and calvin rayford....when I first came to ku cedric hunter was the guard....Yes I am 38 now old and miles was very young compared to me...but he didnt do anything offensively....Miles suckered a lot of ku fans into thinking he was good, but they never looked at his performance objectively they only look at it with dumb and ignorant biases favoring Ku....this team would have beaten last years team...miles was the 3rd worst that i have seen..Miels was not better than vaughn, henirich, jordan, walters...hunter...rayford..hmmmmmm miles 3rd worst guard in ku history
I felt obliged to agree with this fellow (by the name of wpinkard) and so wrote the following reply...
If you are a KU fan (or a reasonably well read college basketball fan), you should get the majority of my jokes. If not, don't worry. I'm sure I'll write something else later.
i personally have played against miles, hienrich, my boy is adonis jordon we hung out in la, and in vegas,,and played,,I also played with vaughn...and calvin rayford....when I first came to ku cedric hunter was the guard....Yes I am 38 now old and miles was very young compared to me...but he didnt do anything offensively....Miles suckered a lot of ku fans into thinking he was good, but they never looked at his performance objectively they only look at it with dumb and ignorant biases favoring Ku....this team would have beaten last years team...miles was the 3rd worst that i have seen..Miels was not better than vaughn, henirich, jordan, walters...hunter...rayford..hmmmmmm miles 3rd worst guard in ku history
I felt obliged to agree with this fellow (by the name of wpinkard) and so wrote the following reply...
I played against Wilt Chamberlain, coached against Phog Allen, and invented basketball before James Naismith.
In my vaunted opinion Wpinkard is absolutely correct. I personally taught Aaron Miles how to shoot the basketball (or "leather peach" as I like to call it) while spending a few years basking in the Oregonian rain (This was after I moved north, because I got tired of teaching John Wooden the fundamentals of basketball), and I can say, without a doubt, that he COULD NOT SCORE at the age of 2. I would pass him the ball, and instead of catching it and shooting (using the backboard, as I originally suggested), he would just fall over and start bleeding and crying.
Stupid baby!
In disgust I told him that his behavior was unacceptable, and that from now on, whenever he got the ball, he should just pass it to someone who was willing to shoot.
Of course, in basketball the only thing that matters is how many points you score (see Kobe Bryant), which means that stupid baby Aaron was absolutely terrible.
A few years later I found that that stupid baby had taken my words to heart, so, feeling sorry for him, I advised Roy Williams to use a pitty scholarship on him. He usually does what I say, since he does what Dean Smith says, and Dean Smith and I used to take Sunday brunch together while making fun of Adolph Rupp and the entire city of Halstead, making us practically brothers.
Naturally, while at KU, Miles kept doing exactly what I told him to do (they always do), and he never excelled at anything except giving the ball to other people so they could score (worthless).
And so here we are today with wpinkard as effortlessly brilliant as he can be and with a great group of young players, all probably molded after my self-image. Except Micah Downs who I told to go back to Washington because Adam Morrison asked me to, and I dig the Morrison mustache.
If you are a KU fan (or a reasonably well read college basketball fan), you should get the majority of my jokes. If not, don't worry. I'm sure I'll write something else later.
Pride... and Prejudice?
Well, so today I celebrated mom's birthday with her and went off the diet for the day. It's the first time I've been off the diet since I started in early, early January, and it's odd. While I definitely went off, I wasn't nearly able to consume what I used to. I think my stomach got too small.
It was weird.
Also, we watched Pride and Prejudice tonight, and I rather liked it. It isn't a movie that leaves you feeling wonderful and hopeful about life, but it does take you on a nice little journey that ends in a surprisingly satisfying way. I've heard the 1995 miniseries is pretty good as well. I may have to check it out now. Or at least read the book.
Hm. So what other thoughts do I have to parley? I've been feeling a little down in general lately. That's possibly why this blog seems a bit edgier of late. I think a number of factors are to blame for that. My continuing lack of income is making social interaction more and more difficult. Boredom, which had already creeped in long ago, has heightened to dangerous levels. I seem always to be fatigued.
I don't know. I could go on, but I don't like focusing on the bad anymore. I did far too much of that as a frosh in college. It never really gets you anywhere. Plus, you start getting trapped in this cycle of thought that spirals downward into this horrifying inability to see others as anything but a reflection of yourself.
I honestly feel that depression, at some level, has a basis in self-reflection. That's why it's best to avoid it.
So instead let's talk about Schools! At this point, my decisions are set nearly in stone. I may add or subtract one or two, but very few changes are expected. My schools of choice are....
(drumroll, please)
Temple, William and Mary, the George Washington U., Iowa, George Mason, Yeshiva U., KU, and Washburn.
These eight schools are the lucky eight. Among them rests the decision of where I go and what I may become. By Monday night I hope to have finished all of my personal statements, submitted all of my various forms, and begun my casual wait by the phone and mailbox. I have no intention of latching myself to either (at least until Feb 2).
With little else to do, I imagine I'll probably start furiously calling the staffing service I signed up with every 15 minutes, impatiently asking why I don't have a job yet AND YES I DO TOO MIND IF THEY PUT ME ON HOLD! I am told this method is certain to get me a job. Or is it certain to get my fired? I forget now.
Anyway, I have high hopes there.
Beyond that the world will continue to turn as it has for the past 3 months. I beg that you all wish me luck.
Also, if you are actually bored enough to read my story, I ask that you please put some kind of comment, like "well, this is a load of crap so far" and "I found a rock yesterday. It was 10 times more captivating than that rubish you call a story" and, finally, "So who is this chick? I don't know anybody by the description of 'a small, dark-haired woman with a strong nose, soft eyes, and clay-mation grin.' Are you making her up?"
Oh, and, of course, my favorite... "gay gaygaygaygaygaygaygaygyagay" (from anonymous).
G'night, y'all. Y'hear?
It was weird.
Also, we watched Pride and Prejudice tonight, and I rather liked it. It isn't a movie that leaves you feeling wonderful and hopeful about life, but it does take you on a nice little journey that ends in a surprisingly satisfying way. I've heard the 1995 miniseries is pretty good as well. I may have to check it out now. Or at least read the book.
Hm. So what other thoughts do I have to parley? I've been feeling a little down in general lately. That's possibly why this blog seems a bit edgier of late. I think a number of factors are to blame for that. My continuing lack of income is making social interaction more and more difficult. Boredom, which had already creeped in long ago, has heightened to dangerous levels. I seem always to be fatigued.
I don't know. I could go on, but I don't like focusing on the bad anymore. I did far too much of that as a frosh in college. It never really gets you anywhere. Plus, you start getting trapped in this cycle of thought that spirals downward into this horrifying inability to see others as anything but a reflection of yourself.
I honestly feel that depression, at some level, has a basis in self-reflection. That's why it's best to avoid it.
So instead let's talk about Schools! At this point, my decisions are set nearly in stone. I may add or subtract one or two, but very few changes are expected. My schools of choice are....
(drumroll, please)
Temple, William and Mary, the George Washington U., Iowa, George Mason, Yeshiva U., KU, and Washburn.
These eight schools are the lucky eight. Among them rests the decision of where I go and what I may become. By Monday night I hope to have finished all of my personal statements, submitted all of my various forms, and begun my casual wait by the phone and mailbox. I have no intention of latching myself to either (at least until Feb 2).
With little else to do, I imagine I'll probably start furiously calling the staffing service I signed up with every 15 minutes, impatiently asking why I don't have a job yet AND YES I DO TOO MIND IF THEY PUT ME ON HOLD! I am told this method is certain to get me a job. Or is it certain to get my fired? I forget now.
Anyway, I have high hopes there.
Beyond that the world will continue to turn as it has for the past 3 months. I beg that you all wish me luck.
Also, if you are actually bored enough to read my story, I ask that you please put some kind of comment, like "well, this is a load of crap so far" and "I found a rock yesterday. It was 10 times more captivating than that rubish you call a story" and, finally, "So who is this chick? I don't know anybody by the description of 'a small, dark-haired woman with a strong nose, soft eyes, and clay-mation grin.' Are you making her up?"
Oh, and, of course, my favorite... "gay gaygaygaygaygaygaygaygyagay" (from anonymous).
G'night, y'all. Y'hear?
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Some Ground Guidelines
I gotta say, folks. I'm a teeny bit pissed. I'm all for freedom of speech and fully welcome you to say whatever the hell you feel like. But I really wish you'd keep it in the realm of full sentences and comments with at least a modicum of thought behind them.
Of course, you don't have to. It's entirely reasonable to remain anonymous, write inane word repititions, and drop the level of public discourse to 2nd grade. I just wish you wouldn't.
Of course, you don't have to. It's entirely reasonable to remain anonymous, write inane word repititions, and drop the level of public discourse to 2nd grade. I just wish you wouldn't.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
My story.
So a while ago I began writing a new young adult's story. I've been thinking that I need a way to push myself into working on the story I've been writing. As such I've decided to try the Dickensian route of offering installments of it. This means, for all you lucky folks out there who probably don't give a crap about this story, that you have the personal opportunity to read what is probably a bunch of rubish.
Excited yet? I am. I honestly have enjoyed writing this thing so far. Plus, it's a children's story, so it is by nature supposed to be pretty easy to read.
Anyway, here are a few links.
First, the main story page itself.
Second, a link to some credits and possibly made up legal info.
Next, a link to the Prelude.
Finally, a link to the first chapter. I warn you, if you go to the main page, all three of these things will be in backwards order, as is the nature of blog internet posting.
Excited yet? I am. I honestly have enjoyed writing this thing so far. Plus, it's a children's story, so it is by nature supposed to be pretty easy to read.
Anyway, here are a few links.
First, the main story page itself.
Second, a link to some credits and possibly made up legal info.
Next, a link to the Prelude.
Finally, a link to the first chapter. I warn you, if you go to the main page, all three of these things will be in backwards order, as is the nature of blog internet posting.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
The Running Wolves and the Fightin' Betzens
I think two more sports teams should be added. The Fightin' Betzens and the Running Wolves. They could meet in a yearly match-up of lethargy and lugubriousness. All the fans would come, be bored, eat hotdogs for a few hours, then go home wondering what just happened.
It'd be awesome.
It'd be awesome.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Grammar League
Most recent pet peeve: grammar mistakes on message boards. I am speaking of two mistakes specifically.
First, "should of." This one is more common, though irritates me less. Example: "we should of got the win!"
Screw you, you sumbitch!!! "We should've gotten the win." Also acceptable, "We should have gotten the win."
Second, "are." This is less common, but so painful to read that I grind my teeth every time I see it. Example: "Have you seen are offense? Are offense is lousy. We need to be more forceful with are offense."
AHHCHCHD HA;GHASG ASDHFL;A SDH;FLdfAK HGPO AIBANOP DFAOINR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is anyone else feeling me on this one? Does anyone else want to start screaming "OUR... OUR OFFENSE!"?
In fact I propose beginning an official group known as the Grammar League. This will be a group dedicated to correcting specific errors. Typing accidents, like using the word "the" instead of "to" will be allowed to slide. Common spelling errors that do not change word meaning will be forgiven, like "lrod" instead of "lord."
What will not be forgiven is the mangling of a word to the point that it is another word, as with "are" and "of." Other examples of this may be "guest" instead of "guessed" or "parody" instead of "parity."
If anyone would like to join my secret force of grammar police, just leave a comment to that effect.
Also, if you are in my Grammar League, it will be up to you whether you want to correct "there, they're, and their," "whether and weather," "it's and its" "affect and effect" "farther and further" and "accept and except." These kinds of mistakes are so frequent that I believe everyone knows the actual rules, but are simply too busy to care. Thus correction is a personal choice.
Lastly, a vote will be taken each year about lie, lay, lain, and laid. I am of the personal opinion that it is impossible to know exactly which is the correct form to use in each instance, but I think people should have a say.
Long live the GL!!
First, "should of." This one is more common, though irritates me less. Example: "we should of got the win!"
Screw you, you sumbitch!!! "We should've gotten the win." Also acceptable, "We should have gotten the win."
Second, "are." This is less common, but so painful to read that I grind my teeth every time I see it. Example: "Have you seen are offense? Are offense is lousy. We need to be more forceful with are offense."
AHHCHCHD HA;GHASG ASDHFL;A SDH;FLdfAK HGPO AIBANOP DFAOINR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is anyone else feeling me on this one? Does anyone else want to start screaming "OUR... OUR OFFENSE!"?
In fact I propose beginning an official group known as the Grammar League. This will be a group dedicated to correcting specific errors. Typing accidents, like using the word "the" instead of "to" will be allowed to slide. Common spelling errors that do not change word meaning will be forgiven, like "lrod" instead of "lord."
What will not be forgiven is the mangling of a word to the point that it is another word, as with "are" and "of." Other examples of this may be "guest" instead of "guessed" or "parody" instead of "parity."
If anyone would like to join my secret force of grammar police, just leave a comment to that effect.
Also, if you are in my Grammar League, it will be up to you whether you want to correct "there, they're, and their," "whether and weather," "it's and its" "affect and effect" "farther and further" and "accept and except." These kinds of mistakes are so frequent that I believe everyone knows the actual rules, but are simply too busy to care. Thus correction is a personal choice.
Lastly, a vote will be taken each year about lie, lay, lain, and laid. I am of the personal opinion that it is impossible to know exactly which is the correct form to use in each instance, but I think people should have a say.
Long live the GL!!
Saturday, January 21, 2006
The fictions in our head
I think it's possible that the last 20 minutes of the christmas special of The Office, made by those crazy brits across the sea, are the best 20 minutes of television ever written.
Of course, in order for them to really do their job, you have to slog through the rest of it, but that isn't too bad.
But, back to the main point, I don't know if I have ever felt more joyful and hopeful than I did when I saw Dawn walk back in. If you've seen it, I think you'll know exactly what I mean. It's amazing. It's that affirmation of life that so many priests try to explain every sunday, but never quite manage. It is the pure, unadulterated joy of knowing that, once you get past all of the horribleness and anger and frustration and pain and fear of loneliness, out there is a moment of wonder and relief that makes everything else worth it.
Of course, this is television. That kind of thing doesn't happen in real life. I doubt I will ever experience it. To quote Shakespeare "Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." But that doesn't mean I can't dream about it.
You know, I don't remember where I heard this, but I once caught the argument for Santa Clause. Specifically, the question was why do we lie to our children about things like Santa Clause and elves and fairies and magic. The answer was perfect. We lie about those things to teach children about the bigger lie of truth, liberty, justice, and morality. In reality, all of those things are just fictions in our head. They are stories we place upon events so that the world makes sense. But can you imagine a world without them?
I don't ever want to.
And so, if we're going to believe in truth, liberty, justice, morality, and all those other things, why shouldn't we believe in love and a happy ending as well?
I'll probably re-post this on Valentine's Day, but I wanted to talk about it now, while it was still fresh in my head.
Oh, one other thing. I once got a girl a box of chocolates on valentine's day, because she didn't have a boyfriend at the time, and I thought she deserved one. Even if it isn't me, I think she still does. Boy, can she dance.
Of course, in order for them to really do their job, you have to slog through the rest of it, but that isn't too bad.
But, back to the main point, I don't know if I have ever felt more joyful and hopeful than I did when I saw Dawn walk back in. If you've seen it, I think you'll know exactly what I mean. It's amazing. It's that affirmation of life that so many priests try to explain every sunday, but never quite manage. It is the pure, unadulterated joy of knowing that, once you get past all of the horribleness and anger and frustration and pain and fear of loneliness, out there is a moment of wonder and relief that makes everything else worth it.
Of course, this is television. That kind of thing doesn't happen in real life. I doubt I will ever experience it. To quote Shakespeare "Life is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." But that doesn't mean I can't dream about it.
You know, I don't remember where I heard this, but I once caught the argument for Santa Clause. Specifically, the question was why do we lie to our children about things like Santa Clause and elves and fairies and magic. The answer was perfect. We lie about those things to teach children about the bigger lie of truth, liberty, justice, and morality. In reality, all of those things are just fictions in our head. They are stories we place upon events so that the world makes sense. But can you imagine a world without them?
I don't ever want to.
And so, if we're going to believe in truth, liberty, justice, morality, and all those other things, why shouldn't we believe in love and a happy ending as well?
I'll probably re-post this on Valentine's Day, but I wanted to talk about it now, while it was still fresh in my head.
Oh, one other thing. I once got a girl a box of chocolates on valentine's day, because she didn't have a boyfriend at the time, and I thought she deserved one. Even if it isn't me, I think she still does. Boy, can she dance.
Friday, January 20, 2006
A true weblog of the days events
Warning, somewhat gross male humor/ adult content ahead...
Oh yeah! Also, I wanted to talk about the trials and tribulations of tonight. The following is a minute by minute, hour by hour description of my day starting the moment the UPS guy got there.
So I got my new hard drive at about 4PM.
4:00 PM:
Hell yeah! Booyah, baby! Who wants some of this? It's large, it's in charge, and it's rock hard! And I am certainly not referring to the hard drive!
4:25 PM:
Holy crap. I sure got that screwed into my computer fast and efficiently, using my powerful left forearm muscle. Good thing I've had so much practice. - smiles at nearby Kleenex of love
4:30:
I have to format the new drive? OK.
4:55
Wow! That took a while! But now the heavenly installation begins!
5:05
Bad file? WTF!
5:06
It has to format again! Damned!
5:31
ok.... maybe this time it'll work.
5:41
Cool. This time there was no problem with that file.
5:45
BAD FILE! What the shit! - knocks over a full cup of diet soda and burns the kleenex of love in a made rage of frustrated hatred - What the hell is wrong with this CD?
6:45
Formatting my new, huge-ass hard drive sucks my Hairy ball sack. What the shit do I do now?
7:30
Wait a minute! What if I just make a copy of the faulty disk onto a new, pretty disk! Maybe my idiot box will think there is a huge difference!
7:45
Ok, I have a new disk.
8:00
It worked! It worked! - grabs 25 new Kleenexes of love in anticipation - What? I have to install and update Windows XP now?
9:00
Service Pack II?! Suck my balls, SPII!
10:30
Updating windows sucks. I'm tired now and haven't had a chance to do anything I want to do. What time is it? Holy shit! I haven't eaten in 10 hours!
10:31
Actually, that's kinda neat. I'm not that hungry.
10:32
Wait. Maybe I am hungry.
10:33
Screw that. I'm on a diet. This is awesome. Now what should I do? - rubs chin in contemplation, while eyeing certain nearby items
...
2:30 AM
Well, that was fun. Maybe I'll check my email and post in my blog now.
3:27
So here we are. You know what? I think it's been a good day.
Oh yeah! Also, I wanted to talk about the trials and tribulations of tonight. The following is a minute by minute, hour by hour description of my day starting the moment the UPS guy got there.
So I got my new hard drive at about 4PM.
4:00 PM:
Hell yeah! Booyah, baby! Who wants some of this? It's large, it's in charge, and it's rock hard! And I am certainly not referring to the hard drive!
4:25 PM:
Holy crap. I sure got that screwed into my computer fast and efficiently, using my powerful left forearm muscle. Good thing I've had so much practice. - smiles at nearby Kleenex of love
4:30:
I have to format the new drive? OK.
4:55
Wow! That took a while! But now the heavenly installation begins!
5:05
Bad file? WTF!
5:06
It has to format again! Damned!
5:31
ok.... maybe this time it'll work.
5:41
Cool. This time there was no problem with that file.
5:45
BAD FILE! What the shit! - knocks over a full cup of diet soda and burns the kleenex of love in a made rage of frustrated hatred - What the hell is wrong with this CD?
6:45
Formatting my new, huge-ass hard drive sucks my Hairy ball sack. What the shit do I do now?
7:30
Wait a minute! What if I just make a copy of the faulty disk onto a new, pretty disk! Maybe my idiot box will think there is a huge difference!
7:45
Ok, I have a new disk.
8:00
It worked! It worked! - grabs 25 new Kleenexes of love in anticipation - What? I have to install and update Windows XP now?
9:00
Service Pack II?! Suck my balls, SPII!
10:30
Updating windows sucks. I'm tired now and haven't had a chance to do anything I want to do. What time is it? Holy shit! I haven't eaten in 10 hours!
10:31
Actually, that's kinda neat. I'm not that hungry.
10:32
Wait. Maybe I am hungry.
10:33
Screw that. I'm on a diet. This is awesome. Now what should I do? - rubs chin in contemplation, while eyeing certain nearby items
...
2:30 AM
Well, that was fun. Maybe I'll check my email and post in my blog now.
3:27
So here we are. You know what? I think it's been a good day.
Trogdor! The Burninator!
Happy belated Trogdor Day, everyone!
I have wonderful and exciting news. After much heartache and misery, I have fixed my computer!!!! Now I just have to figure out how to get all the pictures I've taken over the past 6 months back. I guess, to start, any chance you've got those pictures I sent you, Katie? After that, I think I'm going to see if it is at all possible to actually repair hard drives.
That'll be interesting.
Alright, so many things have happened over the last little while. Nothing interesting though. I still don't have a job. I'm still uncertain exactly where my law school future will take me. My transcript from Montana St still hasn't reached the LSAC and neither have any of my letters of recommendation. Luckily, I have quite a bit of time before I need to start worrying about that.
I'm in the mood to tell an amusing anecdote, but one isn't leaping to mind. Instead I will suggest a plan...
Sometime, become friends with a person who has a motorcycle helmet. Persuade this person to let you borrow it. Then carry it with you in your passenger seat. Next, be first to the red light at a multi-lane intersection. Then put on the motorcycle helmet and roll down your tinted window and stare at the person in the car over. When they look at you, nod and rev your engine.
Then, right before the light turns green, hold up a big sign that says "Grannies are my business!" and drive away slowly.
Oh, and if you are trying to get a babe, hold up this alternate sign "I'm an alien. Wanna' swing on my appendage?"
It's guaranteed to work everytime.
Ok, last thing, sorry I didn't write about the need for porno backing up, but all are certainly welcome to join me in any future porn festivities. I'm planning on calling the staffing agency tomorrow. Maybe I'll have more news tomorrow night.
I have wonderful and exciting news. After much heartache and misery, I have fixed my computer!!!! Now I just have to figure out how to get all the pictures I've taken over the past 6 months back. I guess, to start, any chance you've got those pictures I sent you, Katie? After that, I think I'm going to see if it is at all possible to actually repair hard drives.
That'll be interesting.
Alright, so many things have happened over the last little while. Nothing interesting though. I still don't have a job. I'm still uncertain exactly where my law school future will take me. My transcript from Montana St still hasn't reached the LSAC and neither have any of my letters of recommendation. Luckily, I have quite a bit of time before I need to start worrying about that.
I'm in the mood to tell an amusing anecdote, but one isn't leaping to mind. Instead I will suggest a plan...
Sometime, become friends with a person who has a motorcycle helmet. Persuade this person to let you borrow it. Then carry it with you in your passenger seat. Next, be first to the red light at a multi-lane intersection. Then put on the motorcycle helmet and roll down your tinted window and stare at the person in the car over. When they look at you, nod and rev your engine.
Then, right before the light turns green, hold up a big sign that says "Grannies are my business!" and drive away slowly.
Oh, and if you are trying to get a babe, hold up this alternate sign "I'm an alien. Wanna' swing on my appendage?"
It's guaranteed to work everytime.
Ok, last thing, sorry I didn't write about the need for porno backing up, but all are certainly welcome to join me in any future porn festivities. I'm planning on calling the staffing agency tomorrow. Maybe I'll have more news tomorrow night.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Temporary Down Time
Hi folks, my loyal readers may have noted a lack of writing on my part. This is mostly due to a lack of computer, also on my part. That's right, the wonderful laptop that I have cherished through thick and thin for the past 2 1/2 years now has a faulty hard drive. This means I'm going to have to wait until the new one shows up and I get everything back on track before I will really be regular on this site.
I imagine the wait shall be about 4 days. So check back on Thursday for a rousing speech on nudity and why pornography should always be backed up on multiple hard drives.
In the mean time, I would advise call Kay up for random phone sex chats. Those are guaranteed to keep anyone entertained.
I imagine the wait shall be about 4 days. So check back on Thursday for a rousing speech on nudity and why pornography should always be backed up on multiple hard drives.
In the mean time, I would advise call Kay up for random phone sex chats. Those are guaranteed to keep anyone entertained.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Karaoke
I just realized I haven't written a HTGBWET in a while. So, in honor of a friend of mine who I'm currently chatting with online, here is my rule of the day....
If you happen to be at a bar with karaoke and you realize you like a girl and actually may have for a while, total unbeknownst to yourself, attempt to woo her by getting up in front of everyone with the mic and becoming an accomplished singer for about 3 minutes and fifty seconds.
When you come down, after being showered with praise, act like it was no big whoop.
If you happen to be at a bar with karaoke and you realize you like a girl and actually may have for a while, total unbeknownst to yourself, attempt to woo her by getting up in front of everyone with the mic and becoming an accomplished singer for about 3 minutes and fifty seconds.
When you come down, after being showered with praise, act like it was no big whoop.
A job?
Alright, everyone. Wish me luck. In the morning I'm going to try to get a job. And if you don't wish me luck, I promise that I will hunt you all down using various implements of you-know-what-that's-probably-illegal-in-12-states-but-not-any- more-because-it-was-struck-down-by- the-supreme-court-a-while-back-due-to- privacy-laws.
Um. Yeah. So like I said, wish me luck. My plan is to go to a staffing agency. It won't be work I'm suited for. It won't be work I'm interested in. But by god it'll be work.
Um. Yeah. So like I said, wish me luck. My plan is to go to a staffing agency. It won't be work I'm suited for. It won't be work I'm interested in. But by god it'll be work.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Sunday, January 08, 2006
So I watch this movie...
So I tried to go to sleep a while ago, but then realized I hadn't written a post for this stupid blog. Then I decided I could wait until tomorrow. Then, after a while, I realized that I was incorrect.
So here we are.
Tonight I'd like to talk about the movie Just Friends, which is one of those films that is not good itself, but makes you realize a few things. And, therefore, has a few redeeming qualities. Also, the slapstick humor is pretty good.
Needless to say, being a guy almost imfamously stuck in the friend zone, I identified with this movie. How many times have I been compared to a brother or a great friend and nothing more? I have no idea. I'd say about 3 times. Wait. 4. Maybe 5.
I'll go back to I have no idea.
So I watch this movie. I see the main character guy singing "I Swear" in his bedroom mirror, and I am shocked to remember something painfully similar from about 2 and 1/2 years ago. I hear about flowers on valentine's day. I witness close confessions and expressions of eternal friendship, and I am horrified to understand and connect with every single one.
I don't have a brother, though, so I don't identify with that part of the movie.
Anyway, I watch this movie. And I realize how stupid - and funny - it all is. Why have I spent so much of my time caught up one someone who simply isn't caught up on me? I mean, my God, MOVE ON buddy. Be friends if you want to be friends, but don't freaking torture yourself about something so ridiculous as a girl who obviously doesn't get it or isn't interested.
So I watch this movie. And, at the end, I feel a little more free. I feel like whatever rock I've been trapped under might have evaporated a little bit. Suddenly things look different. Not a lot different. Just a teeny bit.
Also, it's nice to think that maybe I can be thin by the time I turn 28-ish. Stranger things have happened, and I still have 3 years.
p.s. this may be a poorly written post, but it's past 4am, I'm tired, and I think I said what I needed to say.
So here we are.
Tonight I'd like to talk about the movie Just Friends, which is one of those films that is not good itself, but makes you realize a few things. And, therefore, has a few redeeming qualities. Also, the slapstick humor is pretty good.
Needless to say, being a guy almost imfamously stuck in the friend zone, I identified with this movie. How many times have I been compared to a brother or a great friend and nothing more? I have no idea. I'd say about 3 times. Wait. 4. Maybe 5.
I'll go back to I have no idea.
So I watch this movie. I see the main character guy singing "I Swear" in his bedroom mirror, and I am shocked to remember something painfully similar from about 2 and 1/2 years ago. I hear about flowers on valentine's day. I witness close confessions and expressions of eternal friendship, and I am horrified to understand and connect with every single one.
I don't have a brother, though, so I don't identify with that part of the movie.
Anyway, I watch this movie. And I realize how stupid - and funny - it all is. Why have I spent so much of my time caught up one someone who simply isn't caught up on me? I mean, my God, MOVE ON buddy. Be friends if you want to be friends, but don't freaking torture yourself about something so ridiculous as a girl who obviously doesn't get it or isn't interested.
So I watch this movie. And, at the end, I feel a little more free. I feel like whatever rock I've been trapped under might have evaporated a little bit. Suddenly things look different. Not a lot different. Just a teeny bit.
Also, it's nice to think that maybe I can be thin by the time I turn 28-ish. Stranger things have happened, and I still have 3 years.
p.s. this may be a poorly written post, but it's past 4am, I'm tired, and I think I said what I needed to say.
Friday, January 06, 2006
risque?
As often seems the case in my strange little world of blog make-believe, I feel like writing something, but I have nothing to write about. I want to be edgy, but not too edgy.
For example, there's no way I'd write about the morals of accidentally popping your load while a stripper gives you a lap dance. No way in hell would I talk about that. Far too risque.
So what should I talk about? I could talk about my freaking cold. I'm now in day 3 or 4 of this bastard, and I've grown to hate it. At first I thought it wouldn't be anything bad. A little sore throat never hurt anybody. But it has grown into this evil monster, attacking my sinuses from every direction, leaving me feeling weak and empty.
I am going to use a humidifier in my room tonight in hopes that I'll wake up with slightly less chapped lips due to cold infection. I'll let you know how that goes. Otherwise, I'm using no medicine. My theory is that it is unnecessary. Cold medicines don't cure colds, they just reduce the symptoms. Since I'm not exactly doing anything all day, that seems pointless.
In other news, I'm getting that terrible feeling of aloneness when no one has called me over a certain period of time and I become afraid that all of my friends no longer care about me, and all of those many girls - you know, the ones who I wanna accidentally be locked in the back of a volkswagen with - may be ignoring me.
Except Kay, of course. If Kay ever started to ignore me, I'd probably get rough. Leather whips and chains would be all over the place. In later days, the word "rambunctious" would be used to to describe the event.
If you can't tell, I really need to get a job pretty soon, so I can get over my ridiculous boredom.
Alright, I think I've written enough for now. For today's HTGBWET, I'll say simply this: Get locked in the back of a volkswagen! For all intents and purposes, you're already doing a lot of very intimate things at that point.
For example, there's no way I'd write about the morals of accidentally popping your load while a stripper gives you a lap dance. No way in hell would I talk about that. Far too risque.
So what should I talk about? I could talk about my freaking cold. I'm now in day 3 or 4 of this bastard, and I've grown to hate it. At first I thought it wouldn't be anything bad. A little sore throat never hurt anybody. But it has grown into this evil monster, attacking my sinuses from every direction, leaving me feeling weak and empty.
I am going to use a humidifier in my room tonight in hopes that I'll wake up with slightly less chapped lips due to cold infection. I'll let you know how that goes. Otherwise, I'm using no medicine. My theory is that it is unnecessary. Cold medicines don't cure colds, they just reduce the symptoms. Since I'm not exactly doing anything all day, that seems pointless.
In other news, I'm getting that terrible feeling of aloneness when no one has called me over a certain period of time and I become afraid that all of my friends no longer care about me, and all of those many girls - you know, the ones who I wanna accidentally be locked in the back of a volkswagen with - may be ignoring me.
Except Kay, of course. If Kay ever started to ignore me, I'd probably get rough. Leather whips and chains would be all over the place. In later days, the word "rambunctious" would be used to to describe the event.
If you can't tell, I really need to get a job pretty soon, so I can get over my ridiculous boredom.
Alright, I think I've written enough for now. For today's HTGBWET, I'll say simply this: Get locked in the back of a volkswagen! For all intents and purposes, you're already doing a lot of very intimate things at that point.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
PR TV
So tonight I watched the Texas-USC game at PR's house, and I have to admit. He really does have a gigantic screen. If you have a basement with no windows that you want to turn into a home theater, I recommend using a projector. It is very cool.
Also, I don't know about anyone else, but I was rooting for Texas tonight for two reasons. I dislike the amount of disrespect for the Big 12 coming from every other region, and I don't like the way USC kept being called gods among men.
That said, g'night all. My door will be open from 3 to 5 tomorrow for walk-in sessions of spankings and oral sex. Seating is limited.
Also, I don't know about anyone else, but I was rooting for Texas tonight for two reasons. I dislike the amount of disrespect for the Big 12 coming from every other region, and I don't like the way USC kept being called gods among men.
That said, g'night all. My door will be open from 3 to 5 tomorrow for walk-in sessions of spankings and oral sex. Seating is limited.
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
No worries!
It has come to my attention that I update this blog too often. For those of you concerned about this (Kay), I say, don't worry. Feel free to leave comments wherever you like. As long as I don't have to go into the archives to find you, I'm sure I'll read it, for the same reason I can make so many blog entries.
Namely, I'm bored with nothing to do.
Beyond that, I can make no promises. I write entries when I'm so completely bored that I need to reach out to others. As this happens at least once a day, you're likely to see quite a bit of me.
Um, not much else to say today. I have a cold, a sore throat, stuffy ears, and general congestion. And I started my diet. When I stay at home, it's actually pretty easy to maintain. It's when I've gone to a restaurant that I have problems.
Namely, I'm bored with nothing to do.
Beyond that, I can make no promises. I write entries when I'm so completely bored that I need to reach out to others. As this happens at least once a day, you're likely to see quite a bit of me.
Um, not much else to say today. I have a cold, a sore throat, stuffy ears, and general congestion. And I started my diet. When I stay at home, it's actually pretty easy to maintain. It's when I've gone to a restaurant that I have problems.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Diet? ME?!
My mom has convinced me to start a weight watchers diet. She's been doing the atkin's thing for about 4 months and has lost quite a bit of weight. I have steadfastly pointed out that I would never have the ability to stay on that kind of diet. I simply can't stomach a lack of bread.
So, in an attempt to at least be a diet support for her, I've agreed to the weight watchers diet. This way we can push each other on and work toward a better, awesomer you. I mean, me and her.
I have to admit to some mild curiousity about this plan. Since any friends that I have around rarely go out, it is highly feasible that I could actually stay on this one for quite some time.
As such, I think I'm going to document for all of my faithful readers my progress. Most people usually use a standing picture, so that after 3 months they can suck in their guts and smile. I plan to use a sitting picture that does not include much of my face. This way you can't tell if I'm smiling.
If this works, bully for me. If not, I don't exactly have the highest expectations anyway, but the camera work should be interesting.
And for all you ardent HTGBWET fans out there, Rule #452: don't get thinner. Be thinner already.
P.S. 'cause here at Weight watchers, the future is... you.... probably.
So, in an attempt to at least be a diet support for her, I've agreed to the weight watchers diet. This way we can push each other on and work toward a better, awesomer you. I mean, me and her.
I have to admit to some mild curiousity about this plan. Since any friends that I have around rarely go out, it is highly feasible that I could actually stay on this one for quite some time.
As such, I think I'm going to document for all of my faithful readers my progress. Most people usually use a standing picture, so that after 3 months they can suck in their guts and smile. I plan to use a sitting picture that does not include much of my face. This way you can't tell if I'm smiling.
If this works, bully for me. If not, I don't exactly have the highest expectations anyway, but the camera work should be interesting.
And for all you ardent HTGBWET fans out there, Rule #452: don't get thinner. Be thinner already.
P.S. 'cause here at Weight watchers, the future is... you.... probably.
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